ADHD is a very real condition but it's certainly no excuse for lying, stealing or creating an unlivable condition for others. The biggest problem I see is that others accept this behavior. If he is incapable of cleaning up after himself, he should being paying someone to clean it or paying an agreed upon amount to those who clean up after him.

Expecting someone to maintain some level of cleanliness in common areas is fair, regardless of whether or not he has AD/HD. No one is doing him any favors by allowing him to continue this behavior. The only advice I can give is not to accept it while being tactful (unemotional and factual) when discussing it with him and the landlord.

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I know this is a few weeks old, but I do agree with kdog.

It is GREAT that you are now aware that ADHD is real and what ADHD can do... We do tend to be messy (not always though) and often have clutter or areas of disorganization...but what you describe makes me think there is more going on with your roommate than just ADHD alone. While it really is great that you are all accepting his mental issues as something he can't help on his own, it is not going to help to be SO permissive...I mean, maggots?? Seriously??

You don't want to hurt his feelings, I get that. But like kdog said, there is no excuse for stealing and it is NOT a trait of ADHD, however it is a trait of people with addiction issues, or compulsive behaviors. You are not his mother, nor are you someone who can force him to seek help, but you do have rights as a tenant. If it were me, I'd be withholding my rent until the landlordaddressed the issue, and if it didn't get better, I'd do it again next month. I'm assuming you all had to pay damage deposits? You need to get it in writing that you will not lose yours if damage is done because of your roommate's habits if the landlord is unwilling to do anything about it. You can always call a health inspector as well if it gets really bad again. They may be able to motivate your landlord to address the situation properly.

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Oh, for pity's sake, confront the slob and tell him to clean up his crap and keep it clean constantly. If he doesn't, attempt to get him kicked to the curb. If the rest of the household are either too pansy to back you up or actually like living in squalor, find a new place to bunk. As mentioned above, ADD is neither an excuse nor a reason to spread filth among a community. Additionally, stealing is stealing, regardless of the underlying factors that prompt it. This fellow is failing to respect your community's property (possessions and common areas), therefore he is failing to respect your community. (As an aside, is his room similarly flithy?) Don't get stressed out about something like this. Keep things simple and upfront.

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staceybugg said: He started taking Strattera about a week ago, at my urging, I am really hoping this will help.

Additionally, I'm doubly concerned that you recommended he take medication that may not even be applicable to his type of ADD and that you (and he) think medication is the answer. Strattera, like any other medication, is only one element of an overall strategy to fit into today's world. Strattera is suited to very specific symptoms; not everyone responds to medication the same and not everyone needs Strattera. You might as well recommend sedatives if you don't know what you're doing -- at least then he'd be unconscious and out of the way. If he's interested in being a human being, recommend therapy -- professionals can help folks like him. If he refuses therapy, ditch him and move on. Sensitivity is putting him on the right path. Anything else is cowardice on your part and enabling on his part.

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I'm going to tell you what I think from a messy ADD sufferer point of view. I have to agree with Eric: tough love works. I have never seen a magot anywere I've lived, but I see the pontential to get to that extreme. I've lived with friends, who lovingly have called me funny names for being so disorganized leaving a path everywere I go in the house, and as long as we're all laughing...it doesn't work, I don't change. When I leave something behind, like the coffe mug, or the empty plate, as soon as I get up it's out of my mind. When I leave the washer or dryer full of cloth it's because it's like I never did the chore as soon as I'm not in front of the machines. I need to have reminders buzzing -and aggravating me- or else it works like amnesia. I've been watching the tv reality shows "Hoarders" and horrifies me the potential this ADD has to control our lives if we unawarely don't work hard on it.

A month ago my house was embarrasingly desorganized, all mine, none of my husbands. he works hard 5 days a week, I work harder but on n off so I spend more time at home, therefore it's only fair that I keep my mess controlled and not make him help me pick up, so I've never asked him to help me pick up. He got to the point where he sat me down and told me very upset that he was willing to walk out of out 10 year marriage if I didn't do anything about the house. he was at the very edge, it was a long talk. How I felt? Humilliated, upset, outraged, I started crying -what he thanksfully ignored totally- and started picking up stuff and puting it into place, and finding places to the stuff that didn't have it, and throwing old mail and papers and stuff I didn't need, and cleaning up. I spent 2 days cleaning this little 1200sf house. I had hit rock bottom. I have to admit that tough love works. I believe that your roomate could change if he feels a negative emotion slapping him every time he's going to forget to pick up after himself. When I don't pick up is because my mind is somewhere else and does not percieve what I'm doing, therefore I don't see the empty plate or the pair of sissors on the counter instead of back in the drawer...but because I felt hurt associated with not paying attention to those little things (that can become so big) the negative feeling it's a calling call, a reminder that snaps me out of my distraction. I think that the humiliation of a group meeting explaining to him that his actions are disgusting and giving him the ultimatum of seeking therapy and medical help (no strattera) or he's out of the house, and the threat of calling a health inspector could work best, having clear that what you prefer is that he changes not that he leaves, but you're not going to tolarate his behavior. I think this condition is controllable with effort, the same way a diabetic must have will to not eat sweets we must have will to organize. It takes effort and help, it doesn't come easy, it's painful at times, but the fear of becoming a hoarder is keeping me away from it. Hope this helps

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