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| Page 1 of 1 | 1 |
| Thread : Exhausted and Overwhelmed with ADHD behaviors | |
23 Nov 2009 @ 7:56 PM
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| Linda&Boys |
Join Date:
Mon 23rd Nov 2009
Threads: Posts: |
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Exhausted and Overwhelmed with ADHD behaviors
Hi, I am new to the forums and have begun reading through some threads. I am thrilled there is a safe place for parents to discuss what we are going through and get real advice and encouragement without judgment. My husband and I are so overwhelmed with our 7 year old ADHD and ODD child we don't know how much longer we can hold on. Our son is always getting himself into sticky situations with this impulsive behavior. I am at a loss on how to punish the outlandish things he does knowing he can't help some of this. I am at a point where if he is still alive and in one piece at the end of the day it has been a success. He does so many dangerous things! I can't medicate him 24 hours a day nor can I sit with my eyes on him 24 hours a day. All of our successful behavior charts and rewards work for about two weeks and then we have to move on to something else. This is so exhausting. Our school acts like they have never had a student like our son and we are tired of educating them on how to handle our son. When I research ADHD discipline techniques the examples are simple problems. I have big problems. For the last six months we have finally become satisfied with his medication and dose. He takes adderall, prozac and clonidine. I ordered the book From Chaos to Calm as someone recommended in one of the threads. We have been working on helping our son be successful for three years. He has shown HUGE improvements in the last year. He no longer has an issue with aggression and anger like he once did. My son has such a great personality and is very intelligent. I sometimes feel sorry for him because he can't control himself. The relationship between my husband (his dad) and my son is strained to say the least. I am rambling, sorry, but I don't have anyone to talk to about all of this. I considered starting a support group in my area. So this afternoon my son was playing outside and he decided to play in the wooded area in our back yard that leads to another subdivision. Playing in woods is something he is allowed to do but must ask permission so I can watch him. By the time I discovered him "missing" and was in full swing of a search he had already made it to the other subdivision and ran in the busy road to get back to the street where our subdivision begins. I found him on his way back home. He got lost and was taking the route the bus goes to our house. I was so scared and praying he was okay and that I would not have to call the police. He was excited that he saw a deer and he "out ran a big red truck". Yes, I gasped. I know it is my fault for not staying on top of him outside but he can play outside 8 times out of 10 with no major issue. How do I discipline for these big issues? Thanks for listening and I promise I do take responsibility for his last act. He just doesn't understand why this is upsetting to my husband and myself. I want him to remember this day and the punishment. |
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24 Nov 2009 @ 8:17 AM
Reply #
1
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| DaveandDeidre |
Join Date:
Tue 24th Nov 2009
Threads: 0 Posts: 1 |
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Exhausted and Overwhelmed
I understand how you feel. Our issues are not exactly the same, but we have been at our wits end feeling as if there were no where to turn. My husband and I both are ADD/ADHD, so when our daughter showed the signs at a very your age I tried to be very diligent to start off on the right foot. By the time she was 3, she showed many signs of ADHD and ODD. We tried everything and were very consistent with the disipline, but nothing seemed to worked. Even the books on Strong Willed Children had very little to offer us for help. Then our prayers were answered. We found a family counselor that helped us with our specific problems. He believed in consistent, firm and loving techniques and we were able to get advice for very specific discipline problems. It was parenting coaching. It also helped my husband and I to be on the same page with our expectations from her and each other. I started keeping a journal for many reasons, but mainly to be able to remember exactly what happened and how we reacted. When we would go to our apt., it wasn't my husband and I playing the blame game, it was an exact account of what happened. There were no right and wrongs, we were there to learn. He was wonderful at explaining to us what happened and why. That way we could learn to resolve the situations our self. It was priceless to have someone give us techniques tailor made for our daughter and her personality. We also made some diet changes for our daughter that seemed to have helped as well. It was hard, but so worth it. God entrusted these amazing children to us because he knows we are the best parents for them. They have so much to offer this world and it is our job to give them the tools they need to do it. If you are interested in any of the diet change information, I will be glad to pass it on. Hang in there! |
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27 Nov 2009 @ 8:31 AM
Reply #
2
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| justme |
Join Date:
Fri 27th Nov 2009
Threads: Posts: |
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Hang in there
Firstly dont blame yourself. You cant be with your child 24/7. Even children without ADHD wander off because they have seen something far more interesting. Whilst the dangers of the situation were apparent, you are not a bad parent. I think this time it was a case of being an inquisitive child following his impulsivity. My daughter has not yet run off anywhere but she is older now and I can remember those days of not knowing what she was thinking or going to do at a moments notice. Try and sit your child down and discuss what happened and get them to tell you what the dangers they faced when they decided to wander off. Get him to think about what he did was wrong and to tell you about it and to explain what he is going to do the next time he gets the urge to run off. With my daughter, if I lectured her about her impulsivity she would shut down and go into her own little world. Yes it is scary, but take a deep breath. You will be fine, your child will be fine and I keep my fingers crossed that your son learns from this experience |
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27 Nov 2009 @ 12:22 PM
Reply #
3
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| gatordot712 |
Join Date:
Wed 25th Nov 2009
Threads: 1 Posts: 1 |
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New to this too
My daughter has recently been diagnosed with ADHD, and although I have suspected something just wasn't right for sometime having the diagnosis has created both relief and anxiety as well. I too am exhausted, I pray for peace in my home and in our relationship. I have a beautiful, extremely intelligent daughter and it is difficult because others don't see the other side. The arguments, not wanting to listen, the meltdows, only wanting to do what she wants or when she wants....she has several friends in our neighborhood and like your son doesn't realize the safety concerns of wondering the neighborhood. This often causes fights because she wants to go here or there, and unfortunately there are bad people out there who harm children but how do you explain this to your child?? We are going to start intuniv and see if it will help, but I am scared to put her on medications-although I know that she needs it. She is 8 and for the first time I have seen her challenged at school, third grade is quite a change. I too am glad that this site allows us to interact with others going thru the same situations as we are. Hopefully we can provide tips, and encourage each other. I wish you the best. |
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27 Nov 2009 @ 8:32 PM
Reply #
4
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| inandez |
Join Date:
Fri 27th Nov 2009
Threads: Posts: |
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new to the group
Quote: DaveandDeidre said: I understand how you feel. Our issues are not exactly the same, but we have been at our wits end feeling as if there were no where to turn. My husband and I both are ADD/ADHD, so when our daughter showed the signs at a very your age I tried to be very diligent to start off on the right foot. By the time she was 3, she showed many signs of ADHD and ODD. We tried everything and were very consistent with the disipline, but nothing seemed to worked. Even the books on Strong Willed Children had very little to offer us for help. Then our prayers were answered. We found a family counselor that helped us with our specific problems. He believed in consistent, firm and loving techniques and we were able to get advice for very specific discipline problems. It was parenting coaching. It also helped my husband and I to be on the same page with our expectations from her and each other. I started keeping a journal for many reasons, but mainly to be able to remember exactly what happened and how we reacted. When we would go to our apt., it wasn't my husband and I playing the blame game, it was an exact account of what happened. There were no right and wrongs, we were there to learn. He was wonderful at explaining to us what happened and why. That way we could learn to resolve the situations our self. It was priceless to have someone give us techniques tailor made for our daughter and her personality. We also made some diet changes for our daughter that seemed to have helped as well. It was hard, but so worth it. God entrusted these amazing children to us because he knows we are the best parents for them. They have so much to offer this world and it is our job to give them the tools they need to do it. If you are interested in any of the diet change information, I will be glad to pass it on.i am trying to reach out to other parents because i am just exhausted and resentful. i would be interested in the diet changes you mentiones. we are going to a naturopath for possible food allergies, and i'm afraid that it's just going to make things even more difficult. my son is almost 6 and started Vyvanse a couple of months ago. he also takes intuniv. we tried ritalin and strattera earler this year, but they dd not do much. maybe he was too youg, but he has shown improvement witht the vyvanse, especially at school. he was in the principal's office the second day of kindergarten. i started taking it too because i have had a lifetime of adhd issues that i figured i should try and address to be a better parent to him. my husband doesn't have anything of that, so i feel like i just created a defective kid. my little one seems okay, but is very stubborn and at times reminds me of him when he was younger. if they both turn out the same, i don't think that there are enough drugs out there to keep me level. although people say i have done so much, i feel overwhelmed and lost everyday. he can't control his emotions, cries loudly whevevr he is not getting his way or is upset. he is very social, but i watch him and listen to what he says, and i cringe. where do you go and get all of the resources to help solve the issues that this kid is popping up with? i feel that since the meds his sensoty issues have gotten worse. his crotch on his pants and underwear bother him, he picks at his eyelashes when nervous or just because, his socks were really bothering him at the park today. i know that he has lost weight and looks pale. he can not eat. his only half way decent meal is dinner. if he gets sick, i don't know if his body will be able to handle it. i'm scared to death of the h1n1 vaccine because it has preservatives. the regular flu one i did give him. i can ramble forever. i feel resentful at the state of my home and how hard it is to deal with my kids. nothing, nothing is done with one request. everything takes 10 times the effort it should and i better think about how i approach it because if it's not right (whatever right is) then i make it worse. today i wished i could just not care how he will turn out as an adult and just let time pass, but it's not that easy, is it? |
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28 Nov 2009 @ 8:53 PM
Reply #
5
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| tyjenn |
Join Date:
Sat 28th Nov 2009
Threads: Posts: |
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I need help too
This is the first time I have ever been to this website... and I am in tears right now. I have an 8 year old son wo has a very severe case of ADHD and some anxiety disorder (the doctors are constantly changing his diagnosis). I am to the point where I just don't know what to do anymore. He is very impulsive and can get very violent. I have another son who is 4, and now 3 step daughters as well. His behavior is so bad somedays... I have seriously thought about granting full custody to his father. I love him very much, but I just don't know what I can for him. I am constantly stressed out and tense, and I hate being that way. I don't like being angry, and I know that I probably shouldn't be, but I can't help it. This is causing a lot of stress on my new marriage. I feel like the worse mother in the world...but I am so tired of crying and feeling unloved and disrespected!! Please someone.... give me some inspiration!!! |
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5 Dec 2009 @ 12:30 PM
Reply #
6
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| ebs0303 |
Join Date:
Wed 11th Nov 2009
Threads: 6 Posts: 4 |
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Relatively new to ADHD and this website
I dont have answers (hoping to find some here), but deal with a lot of similar issues... Our 8 year old son was recently diagnosed. We had always knew he had impulse control problems (clapping or singing in inappropriate situations, crying at the slightest setback or when something minor would not go his way), but only this past summer could we put our finger on it and get him tested for ADHD. He is mostly a sweet kid, and seems to act up only at home. Thank goodness school behavior is not a problem, and he makes friends relatively easily. But the impulse issues at times almost destroy our home. He especially has trouble dealing with his 5 year old brother. His main issues are screeching at such a high pitch when frustrated it just drives us crazy, or crying almost hysterically when something doesnt go his way... last night was a perfect example of this - he had decided he wanted someone to lay in bed with him the entire night. I usually lie down with him for a few minutes as he is going to sleep, but when I left, he just lost it, screaming, crying, screeching, out of control. Luckily he did not wake the other kids up - but my wife and I just felt completely helpless. There is no talking to him once he gets out of control, often no way to bring him down. The response is completely disproportionate to an appropriate behavior, and very hard to deal with. Just explaining it doesnt do justice to the frustration, anger, helpless yet heartbroken feelings we have when this happens, which is far too often.... Unfortunately, the tone of our house depends on what kind of mood he is in and how impusive he might be on a given day. Are there other resources out there about dealing with the impulsivity? |
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5 Dec 2009 @ 9:09 PM
Reply #
7
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| Linda&Boys |
Join Date:
Mon 23rd Nov 2009
Threads: Posts: |
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follow up for eb0303 Exhausted and Overwhelmed with ADHD behavio
We have found the only way we can control our 7 year old son's dangerously impulsive behavior is through medication. Finding the right medicine to use and the right dose is a challenge. We found a good child psychiatrist in our area and his knowledge of medications has helped us. If the medicine has worn off or he hasn't taken it we have to watch him very closely. He can go from normal to crazy in a second. Although I am so tired of parenting books that cannot help my situation I just started reading From Chaos to Calm. So far I think it is a good resource. There is just no simple answer for dealing with ADHD children. I wish you relief and wish there wasn't so many of us dealing with these issues but glad we have each other to talk to. Quote: ebs0303 said: I dont have answers (hoping to find some here), but deal with a lot of similar issues... Our 8 year old son was recently diagnosed. We had always knew he had impulse control problems (clapping or singing in inappropriate situations, crying at the slightest setback or when something minor would not go his way), but only this past summer could we put our finger on it and get him tested for ADHD. He is mostly a sweet kid, and seems to act up only at home. Thank goodness school behavior is not a problem, and he makes friends relatively easily. But the impulse issues at times almost destroy our home. He especially has trouble dealing with his 5 year old brother. His main issues are screeching at such a high pitch when frustrated it just drives us crazy, or crying almost hysterically when something doesnt go his way... last night was a perfect example of this - he had decided he wanted someone to lay in bed with him the entire night. I usually lie down with him for a few minutes as he is going to sleep, but when I left, he just lost it, screaming, crying, screeching, out of control. Luckily he did not wake the other kids up - but my wife and I just felt completely helpless. There is no talking to him once he gets out of control, often no way to bring him down. The response is completely disproportionate to an appropriate behavior, and very hard to deal with. Just explaining it doesnt do justice to the frustration, anger, helpless yet heartbroken feelings we have when this happens, which is far too often.... |
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5 Dec 2009 @ 9:27 PM
Reply #
8
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| Linda&Boys |
Join Date:
Mon 23rd Nov 2009
Threads: Posts: |
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follow up for tyjenn
I feel for you. I understand what you are going through and how you feel. My 7 year old son had a lot of anger and rage. We were told children who are depressed show it as anger. Our son takes an anti depressant, attends a social skills class at school every day where they learn about expressing feelings and anger management. We worked with him on techniques to calm down every day. This has helped him. This is the one area we have seen the biggest improvement in over the last year. I hope you find a good doctor who specializes in ADHD. Having a child with behavior problems is so stressful on a marriage. I hope you get some relief soon. Quote: tyjenn said: This is the first time I have ever been to this website... and I am in tears right now. I have an 8 year old son wo has a very severe case of ADHD and some anxiety disorder (the doctors are constantly changing his diagnosis). I am to the point where I just don't know what to do anymore. He is very impulsive and can get very violent. I have another son who is 4, and now 3 step daughters as well. His behavior is so bad somedays... I have seriously thought about granting full custody to his father. I love him very much, but I just don't know what I can for him. I am constantly stressed out and tense, and I hate being that way. I don't like being angry, and I know that I probably shouldn't be, but I can't help it. This is causing a lot of stress on my new marriage. I feel like the worse mother in the world...but I am so tired of crying and feeling unloved and disrespected!! Please someone.... give me some inspiration!!! |
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