I can relate to so many things you mention in your post. I don't believe I have any helpful insight to offer you. I'm hoping to join you in your quest for ideas and support. My story is similar. I haven't been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD although I can relate to many of the symptoms. I have been treated for depression and anxiety before and have started to take meds but I never refilled them. I have a hard time following through with things like that. I am currently a single mom with two boys ages 9 and 6 both diagnosed with ADHD, and my 6 year old has the added diagnosis of depression. I am fortunate to have a job where I am paid well for what I do so I am able to support my little family, but I find that I really lack the motivation to work while I'm here. I take my job for granted.

My kids attend public school and are both currently in a regular curriculum. I just attended parent teacher conference last week and I am told that both of my boys are so smart but my 9 year old doesn't turn in his assignments and my 6 year old would rather draw pictures on his tests rather than answer the questions. What surprised me with my 6 year old is that if he is asked the question verbally he answers every question quickly and correctly. Both kids are on medication and the medication does seem to help them focus and get through the day. My problem is that I lack the follow through. Both of their teachers have my phone number on speed dial and I recieve phone calls to remind me to check their homework folder, and sign permission slips, etc. I have a hard time sitting down long enough to read with them every night so it often doesn't get done.

I feel frustrated with myself and overwhelmed. My sister is a single mom with two kids and doesn't seem to have the trouble of helping them with their homework, reminding to brush their teeth, etc. I know she has discipline issues once in awhile (who doesn't?), but I really do envy her. I seem to always be running behind schedule, forgetting everything, then getting overwhelmed and not doing anything at all. I'm not the role model I would like to be for my kids. Logically I tell myself that I can make a to do list, follow a simple routine and schedule, and check things off. I actually organize things for a living (the irony of it all...). But when something unexpected happens or the mood changes (or something shiny catches my attention) all of my careful planning goes out the window.

Anyway, in a display of my own lack of social skills I wanted to include myself in your discussion to see if anyone could offer suggestions, advice or anything else. I hope you forgive me. I take comfort that you seem to have a similar story and I know there are others out there as well. Maybe there is a light at the end of this tunnel?

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Hi, I can relate to both of your stories. I wish I could direct Rivers to some resource regarding getting affordable psychiatric care. I am not sure where you are writing from. I think the diet alone will not be enough. If you could find an affordable health plan or psych who charges on a sliding scale you should definitely see about trying medication. I'm not saying that's the be-all end-all solution, but it could make a difference and worth juggling your budget around to make it work. Especially if you are late paying bills and in other matters that will cost you in a different way.

Tripletreat, you should get another opinion. I too was diagnosed initially with social anxiety and depression, but it didn't all add up. It was like having a flu virus but being diagnosed with the cough. Once I had a confirmed ADD diagnosis, I was able to take better action on how to manage my symptoms. I was able to try several medications over time, and now I'm on Wellbutrin, which is good for both my ADD and depression. Reading about your experiences and that your kids have been diagnosed, I really think you should get another specialist to take a look. Women often get misdiagnosed.

Good luck, both of you! Stay strong.

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I manufacture and sell a day planner which addresses a lot of your concerns. It's advertised in Additude magazine. Many people with ADD find it helpful.

Paul Alpert (www.deltaplanner.com)

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You single parent moms totally rock! Look at all the ducks you seem to manage to keep in a row. So what if a few things fall through the cracks. Your children will learn it's OK to be human. They will learn how to compensate for their inattention and function in society from your example. We all know those people who seem to be perfect, and they’re usually pretty annoying. Wouldn’t you agree? So we have ADD. I, too, am clinically undiagnosed. Several years ago, I started running out of sheer frustration, and I’ve been throwing on my running shoes and hitting the trails ever since. Regular exercise helps me sleep, stay focused, and keep the blues at bay without medication. I figured out I wasn't just scatterbrained while researching ADD to find interventions to help my daughter cope with her "Look! A puppy!" focusing issues in school. She is a senior in high school this year and does well in school (3.4 cumulative GPA). Most important, she has learned and is developing tools to function in the outside world. Me? I've been a teacher for more than 20 years, and I figured out a long time ago that weaknesses in kids are only weaknesses if we chose to look at them as such.

ADD can be used to our children’s advantage. Find those things that suck your children into that totally absorbed place - and use them! For example, if one of your kids is into a sport, use aspects of that sport to learn new concepts. If another one is into art and is visual, use that interest, etc. I know a gazillion games and activities you can do in the car or waiting in line. If you want specifics on how to capitalize on your kids’ interests and strengths, email me at trish@gradebygrade.com. If you’re too busy to regularly read with your children, the lack of practice will eventually put them at a disadvantage in comparison with peers that read at home, so USE THE COMPUTER! There are websites that provide great stories and reading games for kids like www.professorgarfield.org and www.bedtime-story.com. Try websites, such as www.kidzui.com, Yahooligans.com, and other sites to provide all kinds of games, videos, etc. Do some cyber surfing for sites that give kids fun, wholesome, age appropriate things to do as they sharpen their skills for school. Kidzui will even send you a report of the links your children have visited via email. Computer games tend to move quickly, and they’re visual. Our wiggly kids can access hyperfocus fairly easily and maintain it long enough for skills and concepts to sink in and coalesce while playing games or reading stories on the computer. For adult organization, I use the calendar on Outlook, through my email account, to remember my To Dos. A chime reminds me to pick up the kids, to get to my appointments, to do the laundry, etc. Google also has a calendar with a similar set up. Weekly activities remain weekly. You put them in once, and it’s done. On Sunday evenings or Monday mornings, I put in all the additional appointments and activities for the week, including laundry and grocery shopping. That way, I set up my schedule once, and I don’t have to think about it again. The computer does it for me. And if I can do it, believe me, ANYONE CAN! Studies show it takes 21 days of consistent behavior to form a new habit, so I put a card next to my computer with 21 numbers on it to cross out each day. Sure enough, the planning thing is a habit, and not something I have to force anymore. When I don’t get everything done, I move whatever I missed to the next day, without beating myself up. Think about it. Don’t we often set up arbitrary deadlines for ourselves? If the deadline doesn’t work, set up a new one with do-ability in mind. Will some things still fall through the cracks on occasion? Sure. And the sun will still rise in the morning. Your children are lucky to have moms who care them and are willing to reach out to other ADD people for helpful hints.

The bottom line, ladies: You’re doing fine. Take a deep breath and a moment to appreciate all the things you are doing RIGHT. :-)

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We are so blessed to be in the Internet age. There are so many good tools on the net to help us with organization, planning, or just to give us encouragement.

One of my favorites is http://cozi.com, a really cool site that has a nice big calendar for your whole family, To Do Lists, Customized Shopping Lists, an online magazine full of helpful hints, and even a quick notes journal. You can even add photos to the journal, and e-mail it as a greeting card. I'm a single Senior Citizen, but I still find this is a helpful and fun way to keep track of things. I have separate lists for groceries, electronics, stationery, greeting cards and gifts, and I have a list of goals and a daily To Do List. You can set it up any way you want to, and it is super easy, and fun.

Yahoo and Google also have calendars and To Do Lists you can set up, and desk top gadgets such as task timers and other reminders.

It helps if you set these helpful sites, as your home page. You can tab multiple pages as a home page if you have Firefox.

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That was what they called me in school. Tripletreat I can really relate to what your kids are going through. I was the same way. I placed in the 92percentile in all my tests, yet I couldn't do homework to save my life. The littlelest, easiest things were the hardest. You say their medication helps them focus. Helps them focus how? If your kids are doodling instead of doing their work then you should really have those meds readdressed. You say your sister has it together and works with her kids. Do they suffer from ADHD? My mother tried getting me to do homework. She could sit down and try to work on it with me and it still wouldn't get done. They need more than someone to look over their shoulder. Anyways keeping this short since reading all those long posts gave me horrible anxiety. Break them into smaller pieces people :) just might save someones sanity.

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I totally relate. routines help me. Trying to get my kids 14 and 17 to help with things is hard. But the things they have done for years since they were little they do. My younger one has always put the plastic bowls etc. away out of the dishwasher every morning to lower cupboard where she could reach. and they both make their bed, Just enough to have it on the bed not in a heap. Not perfect at all but done. Thats all I ask. That way no food clean/dirty clothes etc. get lost under bedding thats tossed on the floor. the younger they are the better. The do it every day without thinking. routines. I see now what a help it is. Now that they are older I wish I would have established more habits and routines when they were younger. Believe me as they get older they argue about everything I ask. Except the couple of habits they have developed. good luck, I know its overwhelming. Take care of yourself too. routines are great. even little ones.

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