Whilst I am not in your situation, my daughter has never been bad enough for medication, we are coasting along ok. I get the impression from what you are saying is that maybe your MIL feels that medication is a waste of time and it is down to bad parenting on yours and your husbands behalf. If this is the case I can tell you that I have similar issues with my family. As far as my family are concerned, it is bad parenting and I should have diciplined her better. How! She is very strong willed and bull headed and there is no way what they were suggesting would have worked anyway. I still today get told that as far as they are concerned they feel that she does not have ADHD and she just needs a good bit of punishing.

How are your children today? I hope you have managed to get your kids back on medication and they can now get some form of normality back into their lives.

If you want to vent please do, I too know the issues when family members interfer without really know what life is like for you on a daily basis.

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Well the kids are back on their medicine and doing much better....It sounds crazy but knowing that they were not having their medicine on put me in a panic. They have been on medicine for about five years now and we have had so much fun and enjoy eachother's company so much, that I am very greatful that we decided on going that route. Prior to them being medicated, I carried around so much guilt, I could not understand what I could be doing wrong. We were spending more time with our kids then most people we knew did with their kids; however, ours were making us miserable, there were times I just wanted to run away. Fortunately, no matter how difficult they were my love for them was stronger. We couldn't even go to the park and play with other little kids, or have a picnic because it would end in a disaster. What made me really sad was that I knew they had good hearts, they told me they loved me, gave their daddy hugs and kisses, and so on. Unfortunately, that was overshadowed by all the misery. I think my family's opinoion ranges from one end of the spectrum to the other. My Grandmother thought they were just toooo spoiled, my father thinks medication is just the doctor's way of making more money and they just need to be punished (spanked, etc) and then they would certainly listen, my stepmom isn't completely sold on the medication or that ADHD exists, my mom thinks it's the best thing for our family, my husband's step mother is very supportive, etc. I guess it is just really hard because it seems to be such a controversial subject and you have to be careful who you talk to about it. Many are quick to judge...It is very hard to find a psychologist that even understands. I went to one who told me the kids didn't have a problem she said "Don't you know Moms just don't get breaks?", I had another psychologist who ran his office so tight you couldn't hardly get an appointment with him and then when you did he would cancel on you like I need more chaos in my life. Support groups are far away and the training classes are all expensive. I have to admit that I feel a little jealous of the support that parents who have children with autism have. Don't get me wrong, those parents deserve all they help and support they can get; however, I just want soooome support and it is difficult to find. They get support with childcare, school issues, financially, medically, emotionally, support groups, state laws passed, etc. However; parents with children who have ADHD are overlooked. There are no local support groups everywhere, no social workers helping you through it, no local free classes to help you learn to work with your children in ways that will be most productive, school and homework issues, issues with teachers who don't understand. As far as, people not understanding what you deal with on a daily bases that is all toooo true. There is a lot that we do at our house trying to help the kids to learn habits that will help them deal with their ADHD, so that maybe someday they won't need as much if any medication. Setting their clothes out at night, making sure the bedtime routines stay the same, struggling through homework, struggling to get them to sleep because their medicine keeps them up, helping them learn to control their actions, helping them to breath and calm down when they feel their temper rising, helping them to think before they speak and not to interupt, etc. Most people do not understand how exhausting it can be. Well now I think I have over vented-he he

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I can relate to your current situation. My husband and I have just decided, stuff everyone elses opinions!! We know what is right for our kids, we have been to the endless appointments just like you, and we have discovered that although your family and friends support is really needed in your heart, you don't need it in your head. Just think about it for a minute. It hurts like hell to be questioned by family on your parenting techniques or decisions regarding medication, but would you act like this if the tables were turned? We are the ones who live with these kids, deal with the good and the bad every single day, without a break. They still love us no matter what happens, so it can't be all that bad. I think you have to have confidence in your decisions with how you bring your children up. I think any parent of an ADD/ADHD child has done more than the average parent, as you want to do the best for your kids, let alone live up to the constant questioning from family or friends. Your kids are the true indicators on how you are going. If you can still talk to them, still have fun with them, and they still tell you they love you every day, you have nailed it!!! As much as it makes your heart ache, don't let the family conflict question your abilities as a parent. I would like to see any "normal" parent tackle my life for a week - because I know they couldn't do it.

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Four years ago we fostered a 3.5 year old whom we decided to adopt. We knew this child was ADHD (severe) with alot of trauma. ADHD runs in my dads side of the family and goes to this generation so we are very aware of what it is. After my son was diagnoised we started the medication and the turn around was unreal. After being on Focalin for almost 3 years you do not see him as a zombie but more of a normal kid who still has typical and sometimes ADHD issues. The funny thing for me was my brother would always be critical of our strict regimen for him even though he has his own 2 ADHD children. My niece, bless her heart, knew that we were going on a baseball trip with our eldest son who also has ADD and decided she wanted to watch our youngest. She lives with my brother, whom after with my son for several days understood why we did what we did. He called us on the phone while we are on our trip and said "Siss I get why now you do what you do!! We took him off of his schedule and it failed. From here on out we will go by what you have written down for us." Needless to say once I was off the phone I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. Sometimes what it takes is an eye opening view. On a day to day basis without medication the likely hood of you taking medication is very good and probably still wouldn't help. I discovered this website by accident and after all of these years I still do not know everything about ADHD but I do know my child. God bless you and keep you safe. May your children know what a wonderful mom you are for giving them the chance to be able to be as normal as possible. We discovered last year that my eldest has a mild form of ADD and he struggled in school. The best thing happened when we had the same teacher for 2 years. My son who was D and F's has now had 2 report cards of all A's with one B being 2 points from an A. The great thing is he can tell me when his meds work and when they are wearing off. There is also a program called The Total Transformation that you or anyone can use for 30 days free that is awesome. Helps with behavioral, organization, school work, etc. If you don't like it you can send it back.

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