I've gone through this same sort of thing. My problem was a deep-seated disbelief in myself; I held that I was fundamentally unworthy of a positive and fulfilling life. That attitude began young, and years of depression and self-abuse followed all the way through college. But therapy and support have turned it around, and now I'm in job training so I can earn some cash in order to return to school, and the job I'm training for caters to my ADHD. Now, I don't know if your son's situation is as dire, but I will say that perhaps something along those lines is going on, and maybe therapy is an option at this point.

I hope that helps any. Good luck.

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Sounds like you are doing good things for yourself. He does have a therapist but doesn't communicate much with him. He doesn't seem to be depressed, but is very sensitive and hard on himself. That's one reason I'm reluctant to 'punish' him by taking video/computer/tv time away, because he seems to 'punish' himself enough,,,,and I feel he NEEDS to learn to self regulate. Punishing him seems to nothing more than have him feel worse about himself. He already feels 'different' as he has epilepsy....the ADD seems to be something he 'doesn't want to deal with' at this time. I'm just going to have to keep working with him, realize he is making progress, and encourage him to be better organized. He's got to 'own' his ADD and find solutions that work for him. He has little self awareness ie: losing track of time, not realizing things take longer than he thinks they do, fixation on things (computer, video games mostly), you actually have to study more than just the 'hour before the test' etc. Maybe it will come with maturity....keeping my fingers crossed..... thanks again for your insight.....

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I also have ADHD and epilepsy and had a difficult time in school. I probably slept close to 16 hrs on many days. Unfortunately I wasn't diagnosed until much later in life. Your son has the gift of a diagnosis, a parent that cares, and resources - things that I didn't have. And I certainly didn't get a hot tutor!!

The most helpful resource I've found is a coach that understands the behaviors and medications regarding ADHD. It has been invaluable to have someone to help me find the right meds and the right tools and has worked with others with similar problems.

Secondly, it might be helpful, depending on the situation, to have him visit a few colleges just to get a feel for the environment and perhaps talk to someone there who works with college students with ADHD. It may be an eye-opener and it doesn't cost anything.

The other thing I'll add is that it's important that you find the right doctor and therapist or coach. I paid for various therapies and worked with various doctors. Getting one that understands what your son needs is critical. Don't stop looking until you find the right help - and learn to trust your intuition. If you're not getting results keep searching for someone else who might be able to help.

I commend you for caring the way you do. I could have used an advocate like you when I was young.

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I can so relate to the msg. from the mom of the "opt In!!" 16 yr old son. My 15 yr old daughter behaves in much the same way, & I feel the same way about restricting her from TV, computer etc. It just seems to make her feel worse about herself. She has inflammatory bowel disease, anxiety disorder as well as ADD. She has been to therapy on & off & it helps intermittently. She is on adderal. The thing that most breaks my heart is the difficulty she has socially. She wants nothing more than to fit in to a group of friends, yet never seems to be a "part of it". She carries her cell phone around with her all the time and rarely receives calls. She gets a lot of positive attention for her looks & now is obsessed with "looking good". She is doing very poorly in school despite big effort. I am so worried about her future. What will happen to her as an adult? Will she be able to hold a job? get through college? have a successful relationship? Today is the first day I've ever been on this website. it scares me to read about the amount of depression, isolation etc. seen in adults with ADD. Can a kid who doesn't fit in, doesn't pick up on social cues, can't get focused lead a positive, successful life? I try my best to build her up, love her, support her... but what happens when she is older? So many of her peers excel in sports, school, friendships. She wants that so badly and just can't seem to grasp it.

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Just a suggestion for your daughter.....play to her strengths. Is she artistic? like music? drama or debate? Art classes, jewelery making, photography, dance.......look through her high school for clubs or groups....she could work on sets for plays/musicals, or perhaps chorus? How about volunteering? Helping others can give kids a great boost in how they view themselves. Walk dogs at the animal shelter....help at food bank, help visit the elderly or do small chores for someone in need....there are many great opportunities for volunteering. It's hard, I know how you feel....two of my kids struggled a bit with the social aspects.....volunteering really helped my daughter expand her horizons....she volunteered at the animal shelter, coaches soccer, is a soccer referee and helps at the Christmas bureau. When her friends weren't going well, she had other outlets to focus on. She also had a blast taking horseback riding lessons for a few years. Hang in there.

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This is always tough, as students with ADHD require MORE self-awareness. Too often, the possess the LEAST.

Asking any adolescent to come to grips with a biological reality that they are different and have a permanent obstacle in life is tough.

How many adults fake it through life without truly confronting their strengths and weaknesses?

1. Take the focus away from the child. Does it matter if kids buy into the label, but they do the right things? Instead of getting a kid to admit that they don't study optimally, what about the challenge of proving Mr. Teacher wrong? It is about being effective, not right. "I don't see a problem with how you do things, but the challenge is conquering English. You know how picky English teachers are about doing things "their" way. You will never get this teacher to change his/her ways, so how about you play his/her game.. and we play to win!"

2. How about some ADD role models/mentors? I learned more from other people succeeding with ADHD than I ever did from the professionals.

3. Find some good books, blogs, etc. that explain what it was like. I blog about my personal journey. I remember the first time that I read Driven to Distraction. It was an eye-opener. That blog is right here. http://askdreric-schoolpsychologist.blogspot.com/2010/01/my-adhd-story-part-4-umass-diagnosis.html

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I am and ADHD and a college consultant AND the mother of a teenage boy with ADHD so I feel your pain! He needs a coach! That way he sets the agenda..he decides what he wants to work on, and he gets to explore what interests him. Also bear in mind that emotionally is is 2-4 years younger than he is chronologically...he may not be ready for college when everyone else is..and be ready for the 5 year plan..many kids with ADHD need a reduced course load in order to hold it all together.

Punishments (taking away the computer) really don't work well unless they are really closely related to the task at hand ( in other words..they're a very natural consequence). If there is some kind of incentive he'll work for (the car for a date, or DAD's car for a date, etc. that might work..but it has come really close to the completion of the goal. Let HIM figure out what he might want to work for.

Hope this helps, Amy Feins, amfcoaching.com, amfcollegeconsulting.com

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