Hang in there. I know it is difficult to comprehend how your son could be a blessing, but there must be lessons to be learned from this experience.

Obviously the drugs aren't working the magic you had hoped. There are other tricks you can try that might have a small effect, like adjusting his diet.

Can Diet Ease Symptoms?

The Sugar Wars: Using Diet to Control ADHD Symptoms

Also, check out this article about Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Fourty-percent of children with ADHD also develop oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), a condition marked by chronic aggression, frequent outbursts, and a tendency to argue, ignore requests, and engage in intentionally annoying behavior. It includes some helpful advice and read the comments at the bottom of the article for input from others.

ADHD and ODD: Parenting Your Defiant Child

I hope this helps, Dena

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I can understand how you feel. I have a 4 year old with extreme AD/HD. I didn't quite understand the extent of it until the last couple of months when it came to a head with daycare. He had been to 4 preschools in one month's time due to aggressive behaviors towards the teachers and sometimes his classmates. It is a long story, but the highlight is that it allowed me to see how extreme my son's condition really is and start me on the path to getting him the treatment he needs. I have enlisted the help of his pediatrician, his psychologist, a social service that sends out parent mentors with the end goal of creating plans so that he will be successful in school, and the preschool teachers along with any online resources or books and CDs that I can find to learn more about how to work with my son's disorder.

I will say that in one short month I have seen a marked improvement. He is on medication (it took two trials to find the right one for him) and the rest is accomplished by setting up his life in such a way that he has the best chance for success. I use the Love and Logic techniques for correcting behaviors, I give him lots of praise for good behavior, per the pediatrician's recommendation, I give him Melatonin at night to calm him down and allow him to sleep much earlier than he would otherwise and give him fish oil (Coromega) and other Omega 3 supplements, and I provide him lots of opportunity to get his energy out via soccer, get togethers with friends and family and musical outlets such as playing musical instruments, singing or dancing. His new preschool teachers are a godsend for their patience and understanding. With all this, our life has gone from crisis to getting our lives back. My son's aggressive behavior has really subsided from a daily occurrence to rare occurence. I can testify from first hand experience that it is possible to find a solution. Seek out all the resources that you can to obtain the help you need to find the solution that works best for your son. Best wishes.

Lastly, this is for parents who may be at a crossroads with regards to deciding whether to pursue treatment with stimulant medication or not, especially if their children are under age 6. I wanted to go the natural route and never medicate our child with a stimulant medication. In our case we tried everything but a stimulant medication, and nothing to that point had worked for him to sustain a successful day in school. We have been seeing a psychologist since my son was two. His aggressive behaviors started with biting and progressed from there. Schools tried every idea we could come up with and nothing worked. Most of his issues were at school. He is an only child and rarely had problems at home.

The pediatrician advised that we treat him with a stimulant to help give him the control that he was lacking. He advised to start treatment now so he can have a chance at a successful life and not be the outcast he was becoming. I was heartbroken to do this, because I didn't know what this would do to my son especially since it isn't approved for children under 6 years of age. The first medication didn't work, but the second one did. Now that he has been on this for one month, I have seen first hand what a difference the medication makes. I use the same techniques of Love and Logic and praise and reward to encourage good behavior, but this time it seems to be working instead of falling to the waste side. He is being monitored by the pediatrician and there should be no negative side effects that outweigh the benefits. His psychologist stated this charges the battery of his frontal lobe so he can stay in control when he needs to. He seems so much happier. I cannot imagine how hard it was for him prior to the medication. It was hard for us as parents and teachers, but it was very hard for him too. I think we made the right decision. The psychologist has worked in her field for over 30 years. She stated that he children that are treated with stimulant medication are the ones who become successful. If you withhold treatment to those that have this disorder and need it, it is like not treating someone with diabetes who needs insulin or someone with asthma who needs a breathing treatment. She stated that in her experience, the children who aren't treated are the ones who will more likely be prone to more serious behavior issues, drugs, etc. This is why the positives of stimulant medication use outweigh the negatives. The pediatrician assured me that in his experience, it is safe to treat a child 4 years of age with the lowest dose of stimulant medication when that child has the extreme disorder that my son has and nothing else has been effective. It is at that point where the benefits of the medication outweigh the negatives.

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