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Feeling bad today
Hi, I've never posted here before, but so glad I found all of you!
I'm feeling really bad today over something that happened last night: My older son (8), tends to be very hyper - he hasn't been formally diagnosed with ADHD, but my husband is ADD and my doctor says my son definitely has poor impulse control issues.
Anyway, my first mistake was that I invited my son's friend over before dinner last night, which means he didn't do his homework until pretty late. Also, between about 3:00 to 9:00 he ended up eating 3 pieces of chocolate cake, which was a HUGE error on my part! He's a skinny kid and eats very healthily, so I indulged him and let him have these - bad idea.
We had a friend come by to work on a project with my husband. I promised my son he could stay up and say Hi for a moment. The second our friend entered the house, my son went nutso - i.e., so hyper that he was racing around the room like Speedy Gonzalez - a whir of loud activity, wrestling with his little brother, making loud sounds, etc.! He would not calm down and I actually had to physically drag him from the room - whereupon he instantly raced back out and I had to go through the same thing all over again. It was mortifying - especially as our friend is preternaturally calm AND doesn't have kids. His face was horror-struck!
My husband couldnt' help me as he was corraling the younger boy and putting him to bed, so it was just me. The part I feel bad about is that I was SO mortified - I flung my 8 year old into my room and told him, "CUT IT OUT - you're EMBARASSING ME!" Because NOTHING would stop him - that didn't work either by the way, as shame isn't something that troubles him too much.
I feel bad because, even though I think I was right to be annoyed and embarassed, I don't like telling him that he's embarassing me - it was his behavior that embarassed me, not HIM. (I clarified it to him later when he calmed down). But I could not get a handle on how I felt - I really couldn't get a hold of myself and at that moment, felt almost violently angry towards him.
This kind of thing happens fairly frequently with him - when people come to our house, especially people he doesn't see very often, he tends to go a little crazy - I think with excitement, but it pushes people (including ME!) away.
I know myself I should not have given him all that sugar - although it really seems to be food coloring that sets him off. And I should have stuck to our usual routine... But any advice will help me! Any suggestions?
PS My therapist has told me, when this happens, to try to get him to calm down and do deep breathing, etc. - but I guess I want to know what to do when he's RIGHT in the middle of acting this way, in front of other people?
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14 Oct 2009 @ 10:41 AM
14 Oct 2009 @ 7:53 PM