I have to hand it to you for doing all you can for your son. But that Boy Scouts experience sounds crazy. I understand that you don't want to just quit, but maybe there are better options for both you and your son.

My friends with ADHD kids have had great success with martial arts. It teaches discipline and focus and self control. Good instructors demand focus and attention. There is little opportunity for distraction.

Boosting Your Child's Self Esteem through Sports

Good luck, Dena

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We keep our child in Sports like soccer and T-Ball, something he doesnt have to wait or given too many directions at once. It seems to really help filter the energy. We plan to attend a boyscouts meeting next week, we were referred by a friend who also has a child with ADHD, she describes the complete opposite of your experience. I too know nothing about boy scouts and hope to embrace the new experience. I have also been told martial arts is great for ADHD children, I havent tried it yet. I fear my child is too immature and may use some new learned techniques at school.

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When I signed my son up for Cub Scouts I had the same feelings...and I volunteered to be the Assistant Den Leader! However, we are now into our second year and we both love it! The Pack meetings are only a small part of our scout activities, and we try to make it really fun. The Pack meeting should only be one night a month, but the den meeting and "Go See It" activity are what make scouting fun. If the pack you joined is too big, check with your local council to see if there is a smaller pack that you can switch to. What I love about the scouts is all of the social skills and responsibilities that it reinforces in a really fun and rewarding way. So if my son is making bad choices, I can ask him, "Is that how a scout behaves?" and it helps a lot of the time, because he loves scouting. Good luck and I hope this helps! You can also go to scouting.org and most of the material is online, you can find your local council by zipcode and find your local scout shop where everyone gets their books and uniforms. The people at our scout shop are very helpful in explaining everything to new parents.

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I'm so sorry--what a nightmare! And what a way to set boys up for failure, on that particular troop's part. No, not all Scout organizations are like what you described. There is a different atmosphere to each one, depending on the setting and the people leading the Troop. If you have more than one Troop in your area, or in a town near to you, it would be worthwhile to attend one of their Pack meetings, as well as the individual Den meeting--you will be able to see which group fits your son best. There are a number of different Troops in the area we live in, and attending a Scout Expo is a good way to get a feel for what different troops were like (which is like a field day, with a ton of fun hands-on & physical activities--my son declared it was the "best day of his life". I swallowed my ego & memories of all the activities we do together & decided to celebrate that he had a fabulous time.) Some troops were extremely outdoor oriented: zip lines, "jousting" with foam sticks, etc. Some were more into quiet crafts, while others had the boys leading the activity while the parents coached from the sides. It was a good opportunity for us to get a feel for what the Troop stood for, as well as have my son meet some of the adult leaders & see how well he clicked with them. Scouting can be a great experience, if it's the right fit. Maybe attend the Den meeting before walking away on this group: you may find the small group of boys meeting together is much more active, moves at a more interesting pace, and involves all the boys. If the Den meetings are a good fit, use your discretion when attending the Pack meeting: you can always leave early if the experience is setting your son (& you) up for disaster. The Pack Leadership should be absolutely supportive of this, if you talk to them & give them a little background. Or you can let them know there are times you will need to leave early because of work schedules, family needs, etc.. If they are not supportive or if the Den meetings are as disorganized and boring as the Pack meeting, you & your son deserve a better experience and should move on. You can find the Scout books and uniforms online; the Scouts also have financial assistance if membership fees or uniforms are a bit too steep for the budget (and with the many expenses that we often run into for our children, it can be just one more expense too many.) Good luck, and I hope this turns out to be positive for your son.

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I'm so sorry--what a nightmare! And what a way to set boys up for failure, on that particular troop's part. No, not all Scout organizations are like what you described. There is a different atmosphere to each one, depending on the setting and the people leading the Troop. If you have more than one Troop in your area, or in a town near to you, it would be worthwhile to attend one of their Pack meetings, as well as the individual Den meeting--you will be able to see which group fits your son best. There are a number of different Troops in the area we live in, and attending a Scout Expo is a good way to get a feel for what different troops were like (which is like a field day, with a ton of fun hands-on & physical activities--my son declared it was the "best day of his life". I swallowed my ego & memories of all the activities we do together & decided to celebrate that he had a fabulous time.) Some troops were extremely outdoor oriented: zip lines, "jousting" with foam sticks, etc. Some were more into quiet crafts, while others had the boys leading the activity while the parents coached from the sides. It was a good opportunity for us to get a feel for what the Troop stood for, as well as have my son meet some of the adult leaders & see how well he clicked with them. Scouting can be a great experience, if it's the right fit. Maybe attend the Den meeting before walking away on this group: you may find the small group of boys meeting together is much more active, moves at a more interesting pace, and involves all the boys. If the Den meetings are a good fit, use your discretion when attending the Pack meeting: you can always leave early if the experience is setting your son (& you) up for disaster. The Pack Leadership should be absolutely supportive of this, if you talk to them & give them a little background. Or you can let them know there are times you will need to leave early because of work schedules, family needs, etc.. If they are not supportive or if the Den meetings are as disorganized and boring as the Pack meeting, you & your son deserve a better experience and should move on. You can find the Scout books and uniforms online; the Scouts also have financial assistance if membership fees or uniforms are a bit too steep for the budget (and with the many expenses that we often run into for our children, it can be just one more expense too many.) Good luck, and I hope this turns out to be positive for your son.

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Thanks for all the great advice. To let you know how clueless I am, I didn't even know the difference between a den and a pack! They should really provide the handbooks, etc. when you register (in my opinion) instead of making you drive all over town, or search the internet endlessly trying to find the stuff.

Anyway, an update: We went on the fall campout this past weekend. Quite an experience! I did get to see how other "packs" were very different from our own. During the opening ceremony, they sang a song, which most of the other packs seemed to know, but our pack was just standing there looking like slack-jaw dummies. Okay, so I've never been on a campout in my entire life... I didn't know I was supposed to bring my own food. I thought the leader was going to line up some people to provide hot dogs and stuff. That seems like something they should have told me. Like "Hey, pack a lunch. BYOB." We didn't stay over night like most of the others did. They all had a ton of fancy equipment... huge tents, hibachi grills, gas heaters, lanterns, folding tables, etc. Seriously, how am I supposed to participate in things like this unless I go out and spend hundreds (thousands?) of dollars on a once-a-year campout??? Like I said, I was hoping that Boy Scouts would give my son experiences that I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO GIVE HIM MYSELF. But aparantly I have to be able to do all this crap already. So what's the point???

Well, we did had fun (in spite of being left behind at the trading post, and getting lost in the woods for an hour trying to find our way back.) I ended up with an all-over body rash, but my son had a blast, so it was worth it. I'd still like to see some improvements...especially in the "communication" department. I'll try to find out when the actual den meeting is this month, and maybe not worry so much about the pack meetings unless it sounds important.

If you have any more advice or tips on how I can deal with this Boy Scout thing, I still want to hear it!!! Thank you all for your input. I'm going to check into Karate, but my son is not at all interested in sports. Thanks, Amy

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Are any of the other Packs that you saw at the campout near you? Could be a good chance to join one of them. It does sound like the group you're attending is a bit disorganized: many packs DO give the books out at the first meeting, as well as go through camping regulations & things to bring (as well as lending equipment to folks who don't have it, etc.) But because the groups are all led by volunteers, it can really vary as to how organized they are, how well they communicate, and how well they anticipate the needs of the boys & parents. Do you feel comfortable talking to the leaders, and just asking 1) if there is someone who can go through the basics with you and 2) if they have extra equipment, guidelines, etc., that they can share for the group activities, since you are a single mom & trying to do this all on your own? If they don't have any of these things, it might clue them in that perhaps they should. It can also be useful to scope out the other parents when you're at the Pack meetings, and attach yourself to someone who looks like they know what's going on & seem friendly. They could help give you the official guidelines for the group (as well as the stuff that people just seem to know so they don't think to communicate it.) Your Den will be made up of other boys who are the same age as your son, so that will probably be the place that he'll make the strongest connections. The Den leader would be another good person to approach, tell them you don't know anything about scouting but want to help your son grow. Fill them in briefly that you are a single mom, and could use assistance knowing what to do for trips, that you don't have equipment, etc. They may become an excellent advocate for the two of you. Hope this helps!

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Are any of the other Packs that you saw at the campout near you? Could be a good chance to join one of them. It does sound like the group you're attending is a bit disorganized: many packs DO give the books out at the first meeting, as well as go through camping regulations & things to bring (as well as lending equipment to folks who don't have it, etc.) But because the groups are all led by volunteers, it can really vary as to how organized they are, how well they communicate, and how well they anticipate the needs of the boys & parents. Do you feel comfortable talking to the leaders, and just asking 1) if there is someone who can go through the basics with you and 2) if they have extra equipment, guidelines, etc., that they can share for the group activities, since you are a single mom & trying to do this all on your own? If they don't have any of these things, it might clue them in that perhaps they should. It can also be useful to scope out the other parents when you're at the Pack meetings, and attach yourself to someone who looks like they know what's going on & seem friendly. They could help give you the official guidelines for the group (as well as the stuff that people just seem to know so they don't think to communicate it.) Your Den will be made up of other boys who are the same age as your son, so that will probably be the place that he'll make the strongest connections. The Den leader would be another good person to approach, tell them you don't know anything about scouting but want to help your son grow. Fill them in briefly that you are a single mom, and could use assistance knowing what to do for trips, that you don't have equipment, etc. They may become an excellent advocate for the two of you. Hope this helps!

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Please don't give up on scouts based on your experiences with this group. It's a wonderful program and can be a HUGE help for boys with ADHD.

I'm a den leader for a group of 5 second graders. Our pack has about 70 kids, so pack meetings can be a little crazy.

The first year of scouts was full of mystery and frustration for me. My son loved the events, but our den leader wasn't stellar about communication or parent involvement. I had hoped scouts would be the thing that brought my son and husband closer, but that didn't exactly pan out. Fortunately, they seem to be bonding over sports though.

At the end of the first year, he announced that he was going to step down as den leader. I immediately volunteered to take his place. Even though I have ADHD myself, I've learned great organizational skills over the years and I figured I could do a better job communicating with parents and arranging activities than our previous leader. He's great with the boys though and he agreed to stay on as the assistant den leader to help with activities and such.

With such a big pack, I often felt out of the loop in terms of what was going on both during the pack meetings and throughout the month. When I decided to become the den leader, I also offered to set up the pack's website and facilitate communications with the parents. I felt like the communication loop was broken and if there's one thing I'm good at, it's dispensing information.

So...I began to attend the monthly committee and leaders meetings. Our pack holds these meetings once a month to communicate to leaders about activiites, plan events, and review boring things like the budget. It was here that I learned that each leader is expected to pass ths information along to their den. Since only a few leaders actually attend the meeting, I took copious notes, typed them up, and emailed them to all the leaders in our pack.

I also set up a website on http://www.scoutlander.com to communicate with parents, share information, and keep track of events. The site allows you to send broadcast emails to the whole pack, just one den, several dens, one user, or several users. It also allows you to set up events on the calendar so everyone involved gets a reminder. You can also set the events to require an RSVP if you need firm headcounts. There's a public and private section on each pack's site. The public site is visible to everyone (ours is http://www.lcpack249.scoutlander.com), but the private site requires a log in and is only available to people set up by the pack administrators. I set up a page for each den so the leaders could post information about upcoming events. We have plans to add forms, photos, articles, links to scout related websites, and information about our pack and how to join scouts. The site is free too, which is a big help for our cash strapped pack.

Once I started the ball rolling on the pack communications, I met with my den and discussed the upcoming year. I keep track of each boy's progress toward ranks on a really cool spreadsheet (google wolftrax). It tells me exactly where they are and how many beads they've earned. There are similar spreadsheets for belt loops and other badges. I email my den weekly about upcoming events and I created a newsletter to share information with them.

There are a lot of details that need to be communicated from popcorn sales deadlines to uniform requirements to scheduling informaiton.

Our pack doesn't provide parents with handbooks or uniforms, but they do provide a packet that outlines everything you need and where to get it. It's something our cubmaster put together himself, but I've seen similar things all over the web. When people leave scouts or move up to the next rank, we ask if they'd like to donate their old stuff to our pack. We don't get much, but what we have, we're always willing to share. If parents are having lots of trouble affording uniforms, the other den parents will usually pitch in to buy what they need. It also helps that our pack doesn't do the full uniform - just the shirt and neckerchief. Our pack also had t-shirts made up and gave one to each boy and each leader for free. These can be worn in place of a uniform almost any time. The pack does provide awards and pays the yearly registration fee as well. So once you get the uniform, you just need to buy a new neckerchief and handbook each year (when your son goes up in rank).

Call your den and pack leader ASAP. Explain your frustration and concerns. You want your son to have an awesome experience in scouts, but that's not going to happen if you don't know what's going on. Ask how you can find out about all these things. Was there a newsletter that you didn't receive? Does your den or pack send out emails? By asking things like that, you may be able to keep them from getting defensive while still getting to the root of the problem.

If you're unhappy with the answers, call your district office and ask for a list of packs in your area. Call each pack leader and ask if you can attend a pack meeting and den meeting to see what they're like. Most packs are more than happy to have prospective scouts come check things out. Transferring from one pack to another only costs $1, so you don't have to pay the registration fee again.

If you have questions about how to find out what district you're in or anything else at all about scouts, please email me...my email address is my username @gmail.com.

I really hope it works out...let us know how it goes.

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I am an ADD mom with an ADD son. We have been in Boy Scouts for three years now. His cub scout troop was chaotic and disorganized, but watching the leadership, we were able to determine that this was the problem. We changed to a different Boy Scout troop, and that has made all the difference. This troop is spit n' polish, perfect uniforms, organized outings, phone trees, web site, constant emails--in fact, they over-communicate.

Nevertheless, any time you join any organization, it isn't the organization's responsibility to tell you everything. Some things are common sense; for example, if you are going swimming, they shouldn't need to tell you to bring a bathing suit. Some things are not common sense, and that's where asking questions comes in.

I had never been camping in my life. I had no idea what was required, or what it was even like. But there was no way I was going to send my son on a camping trip, or go on an outing, until I had the information I needed. Even now, three years later, I will go up to an adult leader and say, "We're going on x outing. What does that entail? What will my son need? What is included, and what isn't?" If an outing entails equipment you don't have, the adult leader should either be able to tell you where to get it, or, if you can't afford it, can hook you up with someone who has extras. I write everything down and either put it in my computer or my iPhone so i have a list.

Since you said you were the only one there who didn't know anything about Scouts, it sounds like there were plenty of people there you could ask. The one thing about Boy Scouts is that finances should never be an issue. The poorest and the richest kids are in the same troop all the time, and no one has to do without.

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I had a similar problem when I was in Girl Scouts, but replacing "utter chaos" with "bullying by snotty rich girls." The first troop I was with was a little disorganized but the leaders still made sure that everyone got along and felt welcome. Second one, not so much.

So like everyone else said, check out other groups in your area, because a lot can change between individual groups. Try not to limit yourself to Boy Scouts either, if you can't seem to find a group that's a good fit. There are also Spiral Scouts groups in a lot of areas now.

Spiral Scouts was initially formed for kids that either didn't fit into Boy Scouts very well or were kicked out for religious reasons. The groups tend to be much smaller and therefore easier to handle, they are co-ed (both boys and girls participate in the same activities, including ones that are normally gender segregated like Home Ec or certain sports), and they are very nature-focused. Typical meetings include some meditation component, and meditation has been proven to be very helpful to children with ADHD!

I'll see if I can find the URL for their website for you if you're interested.

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