Ok this is completely off topic but I need to get this out. I received word today via text message from my sister in law that a couple that use to go to our church is expecting their first child . Of course when I read this text message I immediately started to cry , told Jeremy about it and stated him that I do not understand why it can't be us , that it seems as tho everyone around us is either pregnant or has had a baby , yet we have been trying for well over a yr now and still has not had any luck . I told him that I feel as tho god is punishing me for all the mytakes I made with William and for me making the ultimate hard decision this past May to give him for adoption after going through a long horrible custody battle with DSS & the court system . Jeremy told me not to cry and that the month of Oct is not over yet , that maybe god feels that we aren't ready yet and to not question him , but that we just need to keep trying . Jeremy then told me that he had planned once we are pregnant to get a dog so that away once the baby comes the dog will be pretty much grown and trained. I'll be honest the last yr & 10 months has been incredibly trying , going through the yr long custody battle involving my son & at the end having to make the decision to give him for adoption , loosing my uncle last yr and then loosing my grand mother just this past may . What doesn't help me is that I've been to the Gyno , she told me that everything is fine , that as long as I am having my cycles not to worry about ovulation. I don't mean to rant but I just as tho every since I gave William up that I am cursed & have been left with a huge hole in my heart .

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