Hi. It sounds to me like you are trying to balance your concern for your son with respect for his right as an adolescent to make his own choices - a tricky position to be in. My best advice would be to identify areas that he is interested in or excels at, and then steer him towards activities/events centered around those interests. For example, if he's interested in technology, maybe visit a local tech expo, enroll in a video production class, sign up to tutor kids in this area, etc. The key is to help him find his passion and get involved in things that support that passion. I wouldn't necessarily explain your strategy to him - 13 year olds generally resist anything their parents tell them to do. Rather, I would point out events that might interest him and casually suggest "why don't we go check it out?". You might also ask questions designed to "flush out" areas of interest/passion in an attempt to spark an interest in doing something. I really believe that what's most important is doing what we love. People with similar interests generally gravitate to the same things and through interaction, relationship opportunities surface. Best wishes to you and your son.

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You may as well have been describing my (also 13 year old) son. He has no friends from school, sits at home and plays word games on the computer and watches television. Doesn't much like to talk to me or his father. Annoyed by his peers. Insists that he's old enough to make his own choices about people and how to spend his free time. I share your pain and frustration. I am heartsick all the time. His therapist is referring him to a social skills group, which as far as I know is the only thing that I can do for him at this point. So, I have no suggestions whatsoever but wanted you to know that someone else out there is going through exactly what you're going through. Good luck... I'll keep you posted about anything positive that comes from the group experience.

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thanks chinadoc - its always great to hear that you are not alone in a situation - thank you for sharing your story - oh its all so frustrating. we have been through the social skills workshop - 8 weeks - my son asked me why i put him in a workshop of mental cases - that was his summation of the whole thing - and i dont blame him one bit becuase i sat outside the door near the end of each session and it was pretty awful to say the least. i hope whatever group your son winds up in will be more helpful, but if your son is bright and annoyed by hyper kids he may have the same experience - i hope not. my sons 14th birthday is in a few weeks and once again he does not want to have a birthday party - no one to invite - its the worst feeling in the entire world - he has not wanted a party since his 10th birthday (before that we just forced it on him pretty much and invited everyone) - its a sad situation to see a bright young man, with so many talents and such a good sense of humor without those special social connections - really breaks my heart. but we keep plugging away and hope that one day things will improve for him....he is an only child so he has been around adults all his life and he is great with adults - could talk your ear off and all the adults who know him say the same things to me - oh he is so polite, smart, wonderful - gold to a mother's ears - but with peers it just doesnt seem to click - keep me posted on your son's experience and thanks again for sharing.

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Parents, I share your pain. My 13 year old son (add) who is in at G+T school, was severely bullied and harassed by his classmates in the 6th Grade (he's now in 7th). Because of rumors and character assassination by cruel peers, all the children stay away from him. He already is a shy, mellow, dude but completely engaging. He would love to have friends, but he is (rightfully) wary of letting down his guard now because of the situation last year. The school principal and guidance team responded weakly when we reported the harassment episodes last year, even though the NYC BOE chancellors code now has a zero tolerence policy for bullying. He has a wonderful time (and many friends) from sleep away camp every summer...and until last year had friends at school too. He's now in therapy for low self esteem and on a drug that helps social anxiety disorder. I'm thinking changing his school will help him. I hate him moping around, with only his parents, cat and computer for company. Anyone in my situation with advise?

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hello momnyc - i am not sure what a g+t school is - it must be something american - but regardless - i share your pain. my son was isolated in school also - while he had friends on the street and as you said at sleep away camps he had bunches - he could never get in anywhere at school. we did wind up switching schools in his 5th year and the new school certainly did make a big difference for him - it was in our own neighbourhood so he knew kids from around our home and he was able to make 1 or 2 friends that he could count on. if you are contemplating switching schools make sure that you go to the new school and find out exactly who his teacher would be - we only switched after we met the grade 5 teacher, spoke with him and saw that he was trully understanding of our sons situation - we made an action plan for the transfer and we were really fortunate that the teacher really took my son under his wing and made the transition very smooth - it was such a positive expereince for the whole family - but i really urge you to meet with the school administration and in particualr the teacher into whose classroom yoru son would be moving - if they are not on board then perhaps you need to seek another option - i was always scared that we woudl make things worse rather than better by moving our son - and you certianly dont want to wind up doing that . good luck please keep me posted on how things are going with your son - if i had a dollar for each time my son was teased or isolated i would be a very rich woman and i woudl buy a school for my son to fit into - if you know what i mean.

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