I think family counseling would be helpful for all of you. Especially since you and your husband seem me to be experiencing a disconnect over such a major issue. ADHD can be very disruptive to any family. YOur other kids are probably experiencing difficulties over this issue as well.

I think you should call around to find a family therapist. Your local hospital might have a referral service or even a low-cost clinic. You can also try your physician, your pediatrician, and whoever is prescribing medication for your son for referrals to good therapists. A local University might also have a school of social work, psychology or medicine that would have a clinic or referral service.

A licensed Clinical Social Worker can probably do a fine job for less money than a psychologist.

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I can so relate to your post about screaming and crying...I am a 37 year old mother of 21m, 18f, 15f, and 10m...my 10 year old son is extremely ADHD...a poster child for ADHD if you will....our mornings don't sound quite as hectic as yours....its our afternoons and evenings :( my son takes alot of ADHD meds..and has for 5 years...apparently he has a hypothyroid...which messes up his metabolism too....and we have ridden the med-rollercoaster for most of the 5 years... he is a very angry child at times...usually when told to do something... his initial response is I will in a minute...or I don't want to..or flat out NO...which doesn't usually get a very positive response from his siblings...me or his step mom...or his grandmother..or teachers...or anyone else for that matter...it just progresses from there... I find myself crying for him..because of him....many many nights... it causes disagreements between all of us...I don't know how much of it he can control...I can't control my own reactions to him sometimes..how can I expect him to control his???? Just know you are not the only one out there...I'm with you....my son is a very loving, very emotional child alot of times...but other times I swear he is possessed :(

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Dear CRBELL Thank you soooooo much for your reply, it is so good to know that I'm not alone!!!!! It sounds like you and I have a lot in common and I am so thankful to know I'm not alone I will be keeping in touch with you!!!!

Charlie's Mom

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You are so NOT alone. I say cry AND scream! Now take a deep breath. We have to stay calm. If we lose control they will lose control. I've been trying for the last 2 1/2 hrs to get my 11 year old son to do his homework. He has two test tomorrow and hasn't even begun to study. I'm feeling really stressed. I've had many days like the one you described. The one thing that has helped the most is celebratecalm.org. I receive emails weekly with information to help me work with my son. You can also buy the CD's which are a little expensive but so worth it. The kids like to listen to the CD's too. Hang in there! We're all in this together.

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I'm reading your post and have found myself in the same situation during the years I've been raising my son. Long story short, you don't have to scream nor cry. I'm Gio's mom, currently seperated from my husband after 10yrs. At 1yr old I knew I was in for a real treat when I saw Gio bang is little head on the wall when he was angry. He was the first child in the catholic school system we live by to get thrown out of Preschool. His behavior was challenging, frustrating, sad, hurtful and it was tearing us apart. I research so much of this and chose not to have Gio take meds. I felt that's a Dr's easy way out. We went to a child therapist who also had a child with behavioral issues. Sometime I would go alone with Gio and sometime my husband would join in. There's so much to write but what it came down to Is therapy Helped us so much. We went every week for a year. It helped me with my parenting skills and it helped gio learn how to control his anger and make better choices. This wasn't easy because it all stemed to our home and the atmosphere Gio was living in. Constant arguing, yelling, fighting, swearing. I mean it was unhealthy so I packed my bags And didn't look back. I now have structure in my life. Gio has a daily routine that HAS to be followed or else he looses focus on his day. He's come a loooooong way and I'm so pround of him. I will never give up. Take time and try the meds for yourself. See how they make you feel, think, and do. This has a long term affect on your child. Feel free to contact me. I've been through it all! Best of luck. There are wonderful teachers and therapist who are out there to help!

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Charlies mom,

You defenitley have things in common with my household. I am newly married, with a 9yr old son. The "mixed family" thing isnt working so good. My mornings used to be a battle (ok used is wrong, still are but better) just like yours. Arguing, fighting, slamming doors, talking back, tantrums..you name it and all before 8am! I found a behavioral specialist with a local college and she hass been a life saver. I used to post a schedule for mornings and afternoon/eve so my son could see what is next. Now he is getting used to the routine. I have to say that my son seems to be drawn to caos, thrives in it if you will. That made our days endless cycles. Now I have worked on stopping the caos. It has been the therapists help and my willingness to think outside the box. After 9 mnths my husband is going with us to counseling...that is so great. Get yourself and your family involved in therapy. Sure, Im his parent, I know EVERYTHING about my son right? WRONG!! I didnt know what was making him tick. I couldnt understand the behavior. I was getting out of control myself. I have gotten better, my home has gotten better. We still have a LONG way to go but I can happily say that as I look back I see the road has not been as bumpy, and the ride a little more bearable. One step at a time. You may feel like noone else knows what you are going thru, but know that we are out there.

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I could have written your post a few years ago. We have an 18 yr. old, a 13 yr. old (with ADHD) and a 6 yr old. Our mornings were a train wreck - filled with frustration, yelling and tears - feeling exhausted by the time the children headed out at 7:30 am. I have several recommendations. Definitely get the family to a counselor - my husband, our ADHD son and I went to a psychologist for about a year and it helped tremendously. Your peditrician should be working with you to help manage the ADHD. Talk to your son's doctor about the problems in the mornings. Some medicines work more quickly after taking them and that could be helpful. We found that getting our son up a half hour early allowed for a less rushed morning and really reduced the morning stress. We actually took him his medicine and had him take it before getting out of bed and then just allowed him to hang out in his room if he wanted for 15-30 minutes before starting the morning routine. Have a schedule but give him tasks one at a time and allow him to complete one before assigning the next.

Not having your spouse around makes it more difficult - my husband travels some so I can relate. Get as much done the night before as possible - lunches and bookbags packed, clothes layed out, etc. Your 13 yr old is old enough to be a help in the mornings. My husband sat our oldest down and explained our struggles with his younger brother and invited him to be a part of the "adult team" and help out with his brother in the mornings.

We still have some bad mornings, but they are rare now. I find that the bad mornings usually happen when we were not organized the night before and are rushed in the morning. Hope some of this helps!

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I just want to say that I am in the same situations and feeling discouraged. I have tried sooo many things and I worry a lot about the amount of conflict in the house in terms of how it affects my older kids. The older kids are 12 and 14, my ADHD girl is 9, and their relationships have gotten really bad with my youngest. And who can blame them? Mornings are the worst with homework/bedtime a close second. I get really irritable after awhile, working working working to stay calm and patient. Then I am more easily irritated with my older kids and I feel terrible about this. I just wanted to echo the sentiment that you are definitely NOT alone.

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the following changes helped my son and also one wonderful teacher who accepted him for who he is and helped him.

1. 1. I started Probiotics for children "Primodophilus Bifidus" from Nature's way available at Whole foods.

1. 1. Omega 3 fatty acids by learning factors also available in whole foods.

1. 1. Started him on "attend" a hompeopathic remdey available at vaxa .com.

1. 1. Soothing classical music helps .

1. 1. He is on concerta .This year he completed 11yrs and I see a distinct change in his behavior with peers and teachers. He is well behaved and does not want his teachers to think bad of himHe is more aware of social etiquette and i am beginning to believe that he knows the dos and donts and can cope with his life. Anybody ,a neighbour, friend , teacher who can converse and accept them for who they are is a very positive influence and they contribute even without you knowing that is helping your son,s self esteem.

6.The book "The Secret Of Parenting" BY Anthony E. Wolf is written in easy style and is extremely practical and his suggestions are absolutely the ones any mom needs and is really workable. Don't miss this one. It shall definitely help you 100%.

I know how difficult it is when your spouse is not understanding,so i know exactly what you are going through.

Also visit www.celebrate.com This website has some wonderful tips. His CD's are expensive and i am still thinking whether to buy them. My son is having trouble organizing his school work and I have to work on that now.

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I can really relate to this. So many people just don't get what ADD is. It breaks my heart to see my daughter struggle like I did in school, but I get frustrated with her too. I do precisely the wrong thing sometimes when I react to her. Her step-father doesn't get it at all and he and I argue about discipline all the time. It is so difficult! I am considering couples counseling for us. My daughter and son (who likely has both ADD and ODD) are already in counseling.

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My son had ADHD and I have ADD. I am 40 and in nursing school. I have Devon who is 5 going on 35 and Anthony who is 6 mo. My home is very hectic in the mornings and late evenings. My boyfriend sometimes doesn't know what to do. I dont think that he understands ADD/ADHD. He is always on my son for everything he does. I have been thinking for a while about packing my bags and not looking back also. I am glad I am not alone! Quote:

Gio's Mom said: I'm reading your post and have found myself in the same situation during the years I've been raising my son. Long story short, you don't have to scream nor cry. I'm Gio's mom, currently seperated from my husband after 10yrs. At 1yr old I knew I was in for a real treat when I saw Gio bang is little head on the wall when he was angry. He was the first child in the catholic school system we live by to get thrown out of Preschool. His behavior was challenging, frustrating, sad, hurtful and it was tearing us apart. I research so much of this and chose not to have Gio take meds. I felt that's a Dr's easy way out. We went to a child therapist who also had a child with behavioral issues. Sometime I would go alone with Gio and sometime my husband would join in. There's so much to write but what it came down to Is therapy Helped us so much. We went every week for a year. It helped me with my parenting skills and it helped gio learn how to control his anger and make better choices. This wasn't easy because it all stemed to our home and the atmosphere Gio was living in. Constant arguing, yelling, fighting, swearing. I mean it was unhealthy so I packed my bags And didn't look back. I now have structure in my life. Gio has a daily routine that HAS to be followed or else he looses focus on his day. He's come a loooooong way and I'm so pround of him. I will never give up. Take time and try the meds for yourself. See how they make you feel, think, and do. This has a long term affect on your child. Feel free to contact me. I've been through it all! Best of luck. There are wonderful teachers and therapist who are out there to help!

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I have struggled every day with my child’s ADHD and she is 13 yrs old. I am a single parent who lives with her parents which brings on a whole new set of challenges. Therapy has not worked for us and she is medicated. We have created a schedule which is never followed, breakfast is rarely eaten and bedtime is a fight. Getting up for school is a right off. I have no emotional support and feel very alone. I don't know what to do

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I can relate sooo much to your life. I have an 8 year old that sounds very similar & a husband who is not there. I have ADHD, as well. I have a 3 year old son that appears to not have ADHD at this time. When my husband is out of the country, I have made significant improvements after much work & research. I used a book called Transforming the difficult Child, the Nurtured heart Approach. Howard Glasser & Lisa Bravo are authors of book and workbook. When I was on my own & followed this I FINIALLY made progress. The bad news...when my husband came home and my son tested the system with dad, dad did not see that is worked. It does require both parents to be fully on board to get BEST results, but I find I can do it alone to some extent. My son sees I do not change how I manage things & responds. This feeds off creating success where there is none. My son has learning diabilities. All the recommendations I had gotten or found required reading skills or something positive to focus on.....he did not have either of them. All I ever did was scream, cry, and follow up on consquences. I spent HOURS trying to achieve each time-out. My son only escalted & my complete meltdown or a spanking was the only end to our interactions. This book starts by teaching us how to create success or percieved success for the child. There is doubt from the child at first, but it is like teaching Shamoo to jump...start with laying the rope on the bottom of the pool & reward swimming over it. The book uses this story. The book discusses medication free...dare to dream. I would never consider that at this point. For my son the meds can slow him down to focus on issues that involve safety & learning. There is hope. Lisa Bravo lives in Arizona & has a practice called ParentRX. She is like the supernanny for our kind of child. She has one of her own & had failures as a parent. this was huge in her life. She is a counseler! This changed her life, mine, & I hope can bring some little bit of peace to you. You probably do not live in AZ, but I went & saw her in person. I wish there was a way you could have this kind of support. Your child & husband would also benefit. will keep you in my thoughts, & hope for fathers that join the team.

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