Hi-

I have ADD and started consistently taking meds for it a year ago. I started dating someone new a few weeks ago. There was an immediate spark and an intense connection. We jumped into things very quickly. The attraction felt all consuming when we were together (or even just when we were talking on the phone). I said I wanted to wait a bit before having sex and she respected that, yet in the end we didn't. I was used to her texting me throughout the day and responding to my texts almost immediately. One night I sent her a text and didn't hear back until the next day. My anxiety skyrocketed- I interpreted her not responding to mean she didn't want to be with me anymore. I couldn't think about anything else for 2 days. Then when we saw each other, we talked. We agreed that it felt like things were moving too fast. She said she wasn't sure what she wanted because she had only recently gotten out of a 4-year relationship a few months earlier. We decided to slow things down. After talking, I felt much better. Anxiety gone....for the time being....when I don't hear from her for a bit though, it comes back to a lesser extent.

We had sex a handful of times in the first month. The kissing, which was so passionate in the first weeks, has turned into more pecks...occasionally it turns more passionate. There are other issues going on for her re: sex that have nothing to do with me and make me hesitant to initiate on a passionate/sexual level. When we spend time together though, there are many sweet moments of physical contact: holding hands while walking or driving, cuddling in bed, a touch on the arm as we pass each other, etc. As I write about these moments, it seems this must be normal-- good-- a healthy pace to progress at. I just don't know how to stay in that feeling without my anxiety coming up. I keep thinking, there's something wrong if we're not having sex-- that it must mean she's not interested in or attracted to me. I've only ever done relationships that have had a very passionate sex life for a couple months and then burn out. For the most part, she's done the same. We've talked about it and acknowledged that moving that quickly is a sure road to burnout. We've talked about the sex piece as well, acknowledging that it could move feelings/intimacy more quickly than she's ready for. I don't know how to stop over-thinking things and just let them happen. I worry about sabotaging this new relationship with my anxiety or smothering her with my attentiveness. I've shared with her that I have ADD- and some of the things I've talked about, she said she can relate to as well though as far as I know, she hasn't been diagnosed with ADD.

I've looked through the articles here and haven't found any advice on how to date/develop the new relationship...most seem to focus on marriage or longer-term relationships. I'd appreciate any advice, similar experiences or stratetigies any of you have.

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