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14 Aug 2009 @ 12:20 PM
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| Eponine198 |
Join Date:
Fri 14th Aug 2009
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Desperate for Help!
I am at my wits end and don't know what to do. I have been dating my ADHD boyfriend for almost a year and we have been living together for about two months. He is not medicated and refuses to do anything about his condition because it says it will "stunt his creativity" and that's "just how he is." Everything was okay until we moved in together. We have what seems to me a heartwrenching conflict EVERYDAY over nothing. I know that I can overreact at times but it's like he can NEVER see my point of view on ANYTHING. He ALWAYS thinks I'm being manipulative or mean and turns the blame around on ME. If I am upset about something and go to talk to him, he says he feels the SAME WAY for some reason or another. I am so confused, hurt and frustrated. I really feel like I am going insane. For instance, we were supposed to split some meat we bought at the supermarket. (I will say that I make a lot more money than he does but I also have a lot more bills to pay.) He put the whole thing on his card without asking me for money or saying anything so I just thought he bought the whole thing. (It was 14 dollars total.) Then, a few days later, I asked him for the 22 dollars needed to pay our gas bill. He said he only owed me 15 since we were going to split the meat. I was like....utterly confused because we never made such a deal. It was like I was supposed to read his mind. I told him he needed to pay the whole thing because I thought he had bought the meat and I pay for almost ALL of our food. Then, he went off into a tirade claiming that I was being a total bitch, (which I totally WASN'T being....I was calm and matter of fact) that he doesn't have a lot of money, that he held up the bargain we agreed upon about splitting the meat, and that I just pushed his button about money. He then continued to SCREAM at me about how I could be so demanding and not take his situation into consideration. I am just in shock I guess. I got upset and said he was mean for yelling. He got upset at me for calling him mean and he says he didn't do anything and remained calm until **I** pushed his buttons. This shit happens everyday with us...and the blame always comes back to me. I am tired of crying. I feel like he is so much better when he smokes weed.....he had to quit because of work and that's when all this started. If I was doing something wrong I would change it. Like I said....I can be a little dramatic but it's like no matter how I feel or what I do....I'm wrong. He sounds so condescending sometimes.....I feel like he doesn't care about me. Like I have to always ask him to do things around the house, or go out and do stuff WITH me or even have sex. I just don't know what to do. I keep thinking that it's me....maybe I'm overreacting because of the birth control I am on. (I just started it about a month ago.) I am in a bad situation and I just don't know what to do. Is it me??? Or is this just not a healthy relationship?? Pleaaaaase someone shed some light on this. I CAN'T TAKE IT. |
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16 Aug 2009 @ 6:33 AM
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| adhdLady |
Join Date:
Sun 16th Aug 2009
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He is abusive
You need to get out of that relationship. He is abusing you. No one should treat you like that. If you can't bring yourself to leave, go to a domestic violence center for counseling. Ask them to help you to determine if he is being abusive. It will only get worse. Get out now while you can. You are worth it. |
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17 Aug 2009 @ 8:31 PM
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| ADD RN |
Join Date:
Wed 21st Nov 2007
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Just think about what you have said
And you know what the answer is , this not just a unhealthy relationship , it verges on being abusive with the risk of you sacrificing your self worth. He has no right to accuse you of being over reactive. I know you are in a better financial place then he is ; but it doesn't give him the right to accuse you of being a B** and the what ever. As far as his creativeness what is it getting him beside a ego in a roar. You say all this problems started when you two moved in together ; who moved in should be the one to move out. This is not just unhealthy it frankly is scary. Dear if you can't take it then you do know what you need to do. NO I'm sorry or I won't do it again will be said; but i saw my mother-in-law go through with this and she died a very broken women. You need to tell someone who you trust and then have him out or get out. This is going to get worse and it not his ADHD . I am severely ADHD and I never would do this to my husband of 23 years. (ADDRN) (JUDI) |
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25 Aug 2009 @ 5:29 PM
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| bruce516 |
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Sun 10th May 2009
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Desperate for help,
I could not agree more with the previous comments. I am a 54 year old male with ADD my whole life, and would never think to treat anybody in the world the way you have been treated, let alone a person close to you. It is no excuse for bad behavior or worse. I certainly have my problems, communication and the willingness to truely listen, but still, you deserve better. Good luck. |
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25 Sep 2009 @ 4:09 AM
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4
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| Kate369 |
Join Date:
Mon 21st Sep 2009
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ADHD is his "excuse"
Even my sister has ADHD, she's married and she is the really nice and sweet. She definitely doesn't treat her kids or her husband in the trashy way you boyfriend does you. You NEED to get out of that relationship for your own good. Please! Before he ruins you or your self esteem anymore then he already has, please move out. |
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6 Oct 2009 @ 10:44 PM
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5
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| UpToMyEars |
Join Date:
Tue 6th Oct 2009
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To: Depsarate
What you describe is almost identical to my relationship with my ADHD SO for the first few years. Now, going on 10 years, after five years of him on medication, I would say things are much improved....but, you know, much of it is just variations of a theme. Are the elements are still there (anger, blaming, irrationality, expecting mindreading, etc.), just smaller, more manageable doses. I certainly felt like I was losing my mind those first few years. I guess my point is: NO, it is not you. Sure, you can learn as much as you can about ADD/ADHD and its symptoms, how to recognize triggers, how to avoid falling into his traps, but it also requires work on his part. And, if he is unwilling to get any form of treatment (therapy, medication, or self-education), than you should not stay and endure this. I do agree with the others that this is borderline abuse. It is just hard to admit, since I know I still put up with it myself. |
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