Ashley, I just saw your post from March, and sister, can I relate! I am ADHD for sure and on meds, and My husband may or may not be ADHD, but is definitely deeply depressed. We lost our 17 yr old daughter 5 yrs ago in a car accident, and it has shattered us. Unfortunately, he found WOW before our daughter's death, and as the introvert in our marriage, was already playing it every spare moment. Then came a 3.5 yr retirement during which he rarely left the chair in which he sat and played WOW from, literally, waking to sleeping, with smoking and doggy breaks only. After 3 years, I broke down and needed to quit working, so he went back to his gov't job and I am now at home for the first time in my adult life. Even now, from the moment he gets home, it is less than 20 minutes before he powers up the game and is "gone" for the rest of the night. Both weekend days are the same. This game has some seriously addictive powers! In a way, I envy that he has a place to go where he can forget the pain of real life, so I don't bother him, but I MISS him! As far as ADHD, hyper focus is a way to calm the crazies in us ADHD people, and that's probably what your hubby is doing with WOW. I use knitting or anything that requires a high level of concentration. Hey, good luck. I hope you see this! Bonnie

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My son is addicted to WOW and I think ADD. We have discussed this somewhat with each other and he agrees that we both have ADD. I really wish I had some encouragement to offer although this young man of mine (almost 21 years old) is not my husband I can definetly feel your pain and frustration! My son is slowly sinking into financial hardship and hooking up with dead beat kids because of this game. He works but he cant see that he is not able to work part time play WOW all the other 20 hours a day and have an apartment, buy groceries, a car and upkeep etc. It is painful! In my case I feel like he just has to hit the bottom (i guess) Hope other ADHD/ADD men will comment on this. Even if it isn't WOW I strongly suspect other ADHD/ADD men have this trouble with video games in general.

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I'm an WoW player too. It's easily addictive to me because it's a game, with a chat room and multiple tasks so you can change what you are doing at anytime. Or you can just run around and talk to like 50 different people and no one thinks it's weird or even realizes that you have 10 different whispers going on. Plus at the same time I can minimize and peruse the internet and listen to music! It's like it was made to capture ADD people in it's thrall. My little sister seemed to become highly addicted to it as well. She wasn't hardly coming out of her room. The best I can say is that I reward myself with it and I limit my playing time to certain days and certain amount of hours. Like I will say I'm only going to play on Friday for 2 hours. That's absolutely it. I know people who have had to stop playing all together because they couldn't manage. I tell my husband to tell me when my time is up or something, even though it sometimes irritates me when he reminds me, but I could seriously sit there and play alllll day.

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Ack, I didn't mean to post twice.

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I am not a gamer; but Can see how games that have so much stimulus can be very addictive to our brains. I on the other hand have to stay away from e-bay because I like the thrill of the auctions and never go to casinos because the sounds and smells , noises is enough to become very engaging that would devastate me . Our minds need the stimulus to become engaged; and it is hard to see for those who don't need so much stimulus what the lure is.Blaseley , It also sounds that he is in so much pain it easier than letting himself feel the pain of losing your daughter. I would some how when he not home get the game and take to a friends house and tell him you two need to talk. If he doesn't ever face the pain of lose and grieve he will always be stuck where he is. Griefs counselling is very warranted right now ; and you should also go. If you don't grieve neither of you will move forward in your life. And somehow I don't think your daughter would want that . to be stuck in pain forever. Blessed be

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Hyperfocus is a common symptom of ADHD -- Sometimes the focus is so intense that an ADHDer can become oblivious to the world around him. Video games can be especially addictive for those who hyperfocus. This isn't unusual for your husband's condition. There's nothing inherently harmful about hyperfocus, the issue is channeling that hyperfocus on a productive activity.

If you are interested in learning more about hyperfocus and ADHD (and finding a solution to the addiction), I recommend these articles:

Focus on Hyperfocus

The Flipside of Distractibility

Addicted to Video Games? Breaking the Habit

Good luck, Dena

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Thanks to all of you. Im pretty sure he is Hyper focusing. Ive come to a point were i have to tell him that he has to stop playing all together. He's "tried" before to limit his time on the came but i see that thats not possible. Espically since he kept me up until 3:30 am this morning talking in vent and playing WOW. I just dont know how to start the conversation or when would be a good time. We are having a very difficult time financially and i know he is very stressed about that right now. I also have another concern, I know that if he isnt addicted to one thing it will be another, when we met it was his band. Now that we are lacking money to do family outings and he is no longer in a band what will happen next. He has already expressed not liking going to the park with us because of all the other children and just isnt interested in the things I am . I know he love our son and I but hes going to get board quickly (believe me my husband is extremely ADHD, honestly forgetting what he was saying mid sentence). Im just worried whats going to happen next. well between now and His next deployment in a few months.

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i'm a woman with adhd. i've been a gaming addict since atari came out when i was kid. games are good for adhd cause of all the stuff going on. its stimuli. and for guys with out adhd, its down time, their time. time to relax or unwind or whatever. just let them play. its like when you go out with girlfriends, or do something that is meaningful to you for down time. youd be annoyed if your husband was getting upset or giving you crap for it. the more you annoy them about gaming, the less time they will want to spend with you. if you give a guy some space, he'll want to hang out more. ladies, check out warcraft. you might enjoy. there are all kinds of things you can do. you can go on quests and stuff. hell, you might even lever faster then your husbands. i've been playing wow since it came out. its really fun and has lots to keep me stimulated ( till i get bored and move to my ps2)

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I'm sorry but every thing you just wrote was like a slap in the face. If i quit bugging him he might get off the game? I don't even go in the room when he is playing which by the way is from the time he gets home from work until 1am. As far as me having "down time" there isn't any because i have no help, i take care of our child morning till night. i don't get "girl time" because if i leave the house and let my husband "watch" him, i come home to the disaster our son has created because my husband is to involve in wow to pay attention to our son. The only times i get to leave the house by myself is to do the food shopping that my husband wont come along to do. To add more insult to what you said, my husband was gone for 15months he came home when our son was 14 months old. He has been home for almost a year and has only spent time with us when he cant get to a computer to play wow, and now he is leaving in November until next august. he will miss 8 months of our next child's life. I WILL NOT let him play this game when he comes home from his next deployment, I WILL NOT allow a game to steal away the time that our children deserve to have with their father. Your post was rude, presumptuous and not in the least bit helpful. If i wanted "advice" like that i would have talked to the people on wow who tell him that if i loved him i would leave him alone.

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I have ADD and used to have a serious issue with gaming or surfing the internet - I'll look up and find I've wasted 5-6 hours. Part of it is the hyper-focus, part of it is the difficulty knowing how much time has passed and some of is the difficulty deferring rewards. A video game gives pretty much instant feedback from my actions and keeps me sucked in. Before I got on meds 8 months ago, the hyper-focusing on the computer would help me feel some sense of control and, I guess, accomplishment, since everything else in my life (work and home) seemed to be in disarray. The meds have helped me focus and get more done at work, and feel less anxious about what I had to do. I still have a problem with spending too much time on the internet, but I think now its kind of a learned behavior I'm working to break. Having been in your husband's shoes (figuratively!) , the only thing I can say is that he needs to realize that it is an issue. All the 'nagging' that I got from my wife did nothing to make me address my issues - it was only when i got sick of being exhausted in the morning from the late nights and started to feel like an idiot did I realize I needed to do something. What worked for me (after a few tries) was not trying to go cold turkey, but setting a clock to only play a couple of hours and then when it went off having something else to do that I could focus on. I wound down the time over a period, and now with my pharmacologically 'enhanced' focus it is easier for me to untether myself when I need to. I wish you luck and hope you come back and share when there's been a change.

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I do understand your pain; and it is evident how this is really upsetting you. I don't know if you can force the issue ; but you may have to get into his face. Get in the way of his game; he will get angry so you must expect it. But if he is so engrossed in the game and he gives you and your children no help at all. Severe problem deserve serve measures. I do understand the girl before you when she talk about getting so engrossed and the stimulation of these games. Fortunately he doesn't go to a casino the hallmark of bells and noise will totally distract him and before you know it he would be addicted. It this hyper-focus and the need for severe stimulus that drives many of us. Unfortunately we have a very high group of divorces. It is very difficult for many of us to reach out and become a social being. Many of us do not enjoy children because we don't know how to relate to them while other of us enjoy them, I love being around kids. The help around the house is tedious find I don't like the cleaning and the organizing of things . It mind numbing to me and your husband probably is for him as well. . You I think have some very hard choices ; You need to get some girl time and have a time out for you. You need time out with him also. Something attracted you to him . Figure out if he is worth it; and be honest because a unhappy mother is not what your children need.It not easy ; but you have to get his attention and let him no you are serious so no threat unless you are ready to back it up. GOOD LUCK. I hoped I helped (Judi)

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i wasnt trying to insult you. i was trying to help you. try to play wow with him....set a clock for a couple hours so that he has to stop when it goes off. there might be an underlaying issue that is making him dive so deep into wow. if you really dont want him playing, uninstall the game, and get rid of the disks and cancel the account. thats really the only way to get him to stop playing. ive heard stories of guys that are gamers that dont help with the kids or around the house or anything. and whether you realize it or not, " nagging" from their wives or girlfriends only make them want to escape more. it makes them not want to be apart of things more. i dont know the dynamics of your marriage and im not going to try to guess. im sorry if you took my post as an insult, thats not what i was trying to do uninstall the game, cancel the account and get rid of the disks. thats the only way to get him to stop playing.

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I was told by my daughter that this game is a account that if you have his credit card numbers you can cancel it since you must pay a charge for it monthly. . Also she said one thing you can do is go on the game and have him killed off from his team. The thing I also heard that the reason it is so addicting is becasue you get to talk to other gamers . You must have this game cancelled and just go on his account and tell them cancel it. It funny she mention today and out of the blue I reconized it so I had asked her more about. (Judi)

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Ok, hope this doesn't come out wrong...as you all know, ADD'ers don't always have the easiest way of expressing themselves. Now I'm not saying he doesn't need an intervention of some sort, but really...get him kicked off his team? Have the company cancel his account? Throw away his disks? This is how I see it...you need him to stop playing so much because YOU need him more involved in life...but this should come about because HE finds it within himself to WANT to, not because he's FORCED to. Any addiction is hard to overcome, but people ultimately overcome them because THEY choose to, not because they're backed into a corner....and if he DID quit because you canceled his account, or threw away his disks, it would only be short lived, and he would just resent you and that's probably not the healthiest thing for your relationship. It's like taking a pack of cigarettes from a smoker and crushing them and throwing them down the toilet....it's just gonna tick them off, yeah, they might not smoke because they can't, because you threw them away, but the second they get a chance, they're out to the store to buy more. Why? Because they can't quit unless they are ready, and nothing and no one will change their mind until they have some sort of "epiphany" and realize that they need help quitting. Don't you want to know at the end of the day, that he did this for himself, and for you, and not just because he was forced into it without a choice? I do think you need to talk to him, lay all the cards out on the table, even an ultimatum if it comes to that, but I just don't think that you can MAKE someone stop doing something and expect good results in the end. You need a big heart to heart, counseling, something....I'm not sure what it will take. It sucks to say this...but I think it will come down to him having to make a choice, you and your relationship, or the game....it might be impossible to have both, depending on how much time on there he's willing to sacrifice, but if he really wants to see this through he'll have to come to terms with how this is affecting your relationship. As for you playing with him...I think that would only fuel the fire. He might be more inclined to play if he knows that you play too, telling himself in his mind that it can't be all that bad to play so much because you play too. Now by all means, if you want to play, then do...but if you really feel this is an addiction, then you probably shouldn't. It's like taking up drugs, just to get your drug addict friend or husband to stop...doesn't make any sense to me. And please know, I talk of all this from experience....my fiancee plays WOW, a LOT...he's not ADD, well not that we know of lol, but yeah, he plays more than I wish he would sometimes. He's gotten a lot better about getting off when I ask him, or at least warning me if he's planning a "raid" with other people on the game that might take a couple of hours, but I do get a little bothered that he's on there so much. I know that this game is his way of relaxing, I read a book or watch mindless TV...he plays his game....we all have our own vices. And as long as he remembers that OUR relationship is real life, and that it takes first priority, then I don't mind so much if he chooses to play. Sometimes I even think he plays to escape from me...living with an unorganized ADDer in a messy apartment can't be easy, I know it stresses him out. But if I ever thought that he was putting the game in front of our relationship, that would be it. He would have to chose whats most important, and I can't, or WONT make him pick me, he would have to do it on his own. I would hate for that to be the end of our relationship, but I refuse to be put on the back burner. Relationships are NOT 50/50, they are 20/80, they are 60/40....sometimes you give more than you're getting, and sometimes you should get more than you give...but just make sure that you're not always the only one giving. I hope this makes sense, sorry for the long ramble (I'm sure I've already lost most of the readers by now lol) but I hope this all works out for you, and it IS workable....it's just gonna be tough. Boys suck. They did in 5th grade, and they do now. Boys suck....but for some reason we love they're sucky butts anyways...:) Best of luck to you, keep us posted.

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I googled earlier & came across this forum. All this above is so what I needed to hear. I thought I was so alone. My husband is not addicted to WOW, but to a similiar game called Vendetta. It used to be Ace Combat then it was Air Rivals. They all sound like they operate like WOW.

After reading other articles & all the above, it describes my husband to a T & I so believe he has ADD & hyperfocus. I just confronted him about the hyperfocus & he didn't go off on me like he has in the past when I analyze him or us. The poster that wrote on the 8/21 (sorry, I forget the name) that was ultra long witnessed to me the most. I did try confronting him, getting in his face, playing manipulative games, throwing things up in his face & it all blew up in my face, literally at times. We've been through several keyboards or monitors or computers. I even replaced the monitor & keyboard once because I felt bad I instigated it. (I got them free, fyi.) Anyways, I know now I can step back, evaluate the situation & if he is worth a lifetime of very hard work. Now that I think I can put a name to his "ailment" or diagnosis, maybe I can get better educated & make changes in our lifestyles that would be healthier for us. I hope one day he will not be in denial & seek whatever help will be beneficial to him. I'm so glad I found & joined this today. :)

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