I don't have suggestions or answers but I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I have two daughters, 7 and 9. Through my 7 year olds ADHD diagnosis we have also realized my husband has ADD. His diagnosis explains alot put doesn't help to relieve all the stress and pressure on me. I am just trying to take one step at a time and get my daughter on the right path in school and at home and then I will work on my husband. He has taken a big step in helping himself by starting medication. Best wishes to you, I understand your feelings and tiredness!

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I completely feel what you are saying. I too have a husband with adhd and a son who is 7 years old. My 3 1/2 year old son does not. My husband does not help with the housework or the kids. He too stays up late and sleeps late. Appears to be oblivious with what is going on. He is 49 and not medicated. I did put my 7 year old on the Daytrana patch and it has helped him in school (this was agonizing decision but necessary). I do work full time as a registered nurse and sometimes I just want to SCREAM!!!!!! Becky email: vickersrn@yahoo.com

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This article about the value of support groups has some excellent suggestions about how you can go about connecting with other moms of in your position.

You may also appreciate this article about Fending Off Isolation as the Parent of an ADHD Child

You ARE NOT a failure.

I hope this helps. Dena

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I don't know how helpful my input is...I can only reiterate the stress and frustration you all feel. I, too, am a mom of young ones--a nearly 6 y.o. boy who is not YET diagnosed with ADHD (I would stake a large sum of $$ that he is) and a husband who is 50 w/undiagnosed ADD. The added fun to it all is that I am ADHD and was diagnosed just over a year ago. I am a classic ADHD adult and meds have helped but do not solve my inability to stay on schedule, avoid distractions, etc. ( My 2 1/2 y.o. daughter - so far has no traits of any of the rest of us.) My husband telecommutes from home, sleeps in every day, does a little yard work but nothing much when it comes to dealing with the kids, helping with dinner, dishes, cleaning up (not even after himself), stays us late watching TV and/or on laptop.

Wish I had some grand tips for getting it altogether...I could sure use some myself. I can't seem to keep up with the mess, my kids rooms look like bombs went off and my son and husband leave trails of clothing and shoes everywhere. At least once a day we're looking for someone's shoe while running late to be somewhere! Just to add more complication, I work from home part-time as a lawyer. SO, I never escape the chaos and battle the constant distractions of cleaning, cooking, laundry and work while trying to be a decent parent all the while my husband sits by watching it as if it were a TV show.

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It's so sad that I sound like your husbands when I'm unmedicated. I stay up all night, the internet and TV is so distracting. I think I'm going to bed and then I think of something or see something that interests me and I think I'll just check this out real quick, then I'm up til 4am and didn't even see the time pass. I sleep in and then I wake up with every intention of finishing this or that, starting some thing or other and I'm standing in my messy kitchen with my wheels spinning and not being able to find a starting point. So, I end up not doing hardly anything again. When I realized what I was doing, I sought help from a Doctor, it was unfair to my husband and later my children. I literally could not make myself do what I needed to do unless I was terrified into hyperfocus. I have to follow some one else's pattern for getting something done. It seems easier to clean when my husband cleans too, because i can follow his lead and I don't have to make a pattern myself. I also get less bored with some one to talk to. I found that listening to an audio book while working helps me stay on task because I'm not as easily bored. I tried turning on the TV but it's visually distracting and I will start to sit and flick channels. I started putting intense music and books on my Ipod, I now listen to them to help me stay on task when I'm driving and exercising. It really helps me with my instaboredom.

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I can relate to daydreamtime about a good deal of the things she sadi. But I also had to take the responsibility knowing what I was doing to my husband and child by not being that involved . I would suggest that you may have to do war fare in that Leave his clothes and dishes uncleaned and not washed. If he get bothered let him know it his responsibility to take care of them. He should be medicated and if sleep is his issues he should consider drinking less caffeine and have a nighttime routine if it is still a problem then a sleeping pill may help get on track. If it doesn't move him alittle then unfortunately the thought of leaving him is in the cards. The reason I say this is because it was the only thing that got me to rethink what I was doing; and i decided to become part of a solution and not the problem. I go on walk with my daughter jsut to talk and know what she is up to. I clean up thing s that nedd to be done without being asked ; and I have turned off all the distractions at a certain time so it doesn't keep me awake. I also when invited now say yes to thing the two of them have planned even if it doesn't really seem interesting and found most of the time I actually enjoy things that I thought I wouldn't . So I will say good-night , I am going to watch "Gone with the Wind with my daughter and my husband. and record my shows for another time to watch.

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