Well, maybe not exactly that that guy, but I can certainly relate. And my wife would be able to identify with your situation.

I didn't really know this for a long time, but one of my problems is that I don't always pick up on cues or see things that my wife does. This is especially true of personal interactions. Fortunately, my meds make a huge difference.

You and he may not feel this way, but I would suggest that the biggest favor you can do is to let him know what you see. If he's smart, he will be grateful that someone is giving him honest feedback. Having said that, it is important that you tell him what behavior that you see, how it is (or could be) interpreted by others. Then tell him how it makes you feel. If it doesn't match his character (he acts loud and appears rude, but is a caring person, for example) let him know that too.

A really clear, unemotional description of what you see is helpful. Don't be surprised if he's defensive. I know I was embarrassed and ashamed when these type of things were brought to my attention and my first reaction was to be defensive. If you can tell him in a relatively unemotional way, with clear descriptions, then let him know that all you are doing is describing what you see and how it's interpreted by others, this may help reduce his defensiveness.

I am very grateful to my wife for being straight with me - even though it hurt to hear it. Maybe I was more ready to listen than some, but if this guy is like the ADHD people I know, they already know something isn't right and know they need honest, non-threatening feedback if anything is going to change.

I may not know what the hell I'm talking about, but my suggestion is to be as kind as you can while still being completely straight with him. I would also encourage him to look into meds and a coach.

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Wow, Kdog is right, talk straight to him. My wife is a blessing to me because from the very beginning she would let me know what I was doing. I'm also taking Adderall. It shows that you care by the fact you're on this website. WHY ISN'T HE? He needs to realize that this ADHD can be a pain in the ass, but with proper meds, your support, and coaching, life works out. Hang in there if you care for him. Be honest. Like Kdog stated, if this guy is smart and cares for you, you can 'open up his eyes' to your frustration. Good luck

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It takes all kinds to make the world go around; and frankly it sounds like you are just not into him. If you were you would have no reason not to tell him what you are thinking . If catch phrases drive you crazy tell him. If you find things he does embarrassing let him know . These things can be told to him gently. The fact you rather not sleep with him tell me that it is really over. Because if we really care or love the man we are with we forget allot to sleep with them.It sounds like it been going on to long and it time to say to him. Lets be friends. I don't get it why do you spend time with a guy who makes you crazy. ?? I am not ragging on you ; it time to be honest with yourself and him. I can't believe he so brain dead he doesn't have a hint of any of this. He just doesn't think it abig deal because you never called him on it.

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Every one of you, this is all very good feedback. Thanks for being so understanding and "gentle" with me. I apprecicate your candor. You all made me think.

I did speak with him shortly after I posted and I was very sensitive to what could be taken so personally. I was actually kind of nervous as I didn't want to hurt him and I told him that, but he was very encouraging about letting me just let it out. I was not frustrated, or mean, or anything like that. I opened up quite a bit, even about how I felt about bringing things up. I will admit I have always had an issue with bringing things up sooner than later, and I too am working on that part of myself that I could definitely improve. Bottom line, it's an injustice to him for me to keep this stuff inside, and an injustice to me as well.

I can't remember the screen names but to the person Emilysman and I think Kdog who agreed with him (? going from memory which isn't much nowadays, LOL), everything I did was what you suggested. He responded favorably. To RN, point taken, I do understand what you are saying and I appreciate your candor. You kinda hit some nails on the head.

Thanks again folks for your feedback. It's definitely a learning experience for me too. :)

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Many people don't understand me ; I however feel almost compelled to say what I think or see as obvious because it seems that unless it is said the subject matter is avoided. I really glad you spoke candidly to him; and I am glad it helped. Avoiding things would just make the resentment worse ; and frankly it isn't fair to either one of you. He would never would understand why you had created a distance and never having the opportunity to fix himself. And you feeling embarrassed to be seen with him etc. Now you both have your cards on the table . NOW be aware because he is ADD/ADHD he will I guarantee will slip up it only the envitable. I always promise not to be impulsive with my mouth; however I not as frequently, I do slip up especially when I am angry. Such as in January when I told my boss if she wanted another child brought in to the ED sjhe could then come in and start my lines etc. Basically in the tone of Kiss MY * . It didn't go over well and she fired me. It always best in our relationship to have some tell us what they feel embarrased about. because if we aren't told we go on with our usually behavior and people do resent us if we are too abrupt etc. Good luck to love us you really need to have a sense of humour and at time a very thick skin; but I know we promise a fun great ride if you let us.

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As an adult with ADD, I would like to make an attempt to speak from his point of view.

I also have a habit of speaking frankly.

You say that you are embarrassed when he says something impulsive in front of others. Is it actually what he said, or is it the other person's reaction that caused your embarrassment? Was what he said really as bad as the reaction implied. The odds are that the other person was already on a “What's wrong with this person” warpath.

I don't know if he puts it in these words, but that prejudice did not start with the diagnoses. He has experienced it all of his life. That is why people with ADD often get fired for actions that are tolerated in others.

Don't get to dependent on the meds, they don't work for everybody.

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Sometimes it not just us it the war path that other is on. I think being impulsive with my speech make it frightening for others because what I usually say is the obvious that most people won't say. I would be the one in the crowd who would say "The king doesn't have any clothes on" even though everyone would make believe he does. Sometime s it funny , sometimes it hurtful ; but it is always truthful no point in lying because I can never keep it straight . However, I do have a wonderful imagination and can make up stories (Judi)

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