I can really identify with this post--I have ADHD and I struggle with know who to tell. For me I have two categories: need to know and need support. For instance, my husband needs to know about my diagnosis (as if he needed it! LOL) and someday I may need to explain it to my son. I also have a couple of close, trusted friends who know and who I can vent to.

On the other hand, I feel no need to tell people on the street, people I work with (depending on the job--actually right now I have a boss and several co-workers with it, so it's no big deal), certain family members, etc.

I'm sure you know this already, but your son's whole identity is not ADHD. You don't owe strangers an explanation for his behavior. It's none of their business! And you run the risk of stigmatizing your son further and making him feel marginalized. At the end of the day he is who he is. Spend a little time every day, if you don't already, focusing on the good things about the way his brain works. Is he funny? Creative? Spontaneous? Sensitive? Accepting your son for who he really is--all of him--will make it feel less shameful to you, I think. But you know? This is a life-long process, and it's hard. Be gentle with yourself and with him. You have responsibility to your family--not to judgmental strangers.

I hope I haven't been too preachy. This is hard, but it will get better :)

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I tend to sometimes forget that he just doesn't have the control and my expectations can be too high. I struggle with that daily, and I think that I'm slowly realizing his limitations. But I don't want to give the wrong impression of him, or myself. He really is an amazing child. I've never seen a child so empathetic. It is really something awesome to see. At a school party one day, one of the girls in his class was crying because her mom was late to the party. My son put his arm around her and told her that everything would be alright. He went to get a tissue for her and very lovingly wiped the tears from her face. I almost cried myself! He is so caring toward others. He also has a special bond with our 2 year old. I've always fought (even as an adult sometimes) with my brother, but to see my boys together really makes me a proud mama. The love each other so much! My oldest also is such an amazing (how many times have I used that word?) storyteller. He is so creative and imaginative. When his ADHD gets in the way is when he's around many children and when his imagination really runs away. Unfortunately, I can sometimes lose sight of the important things and focus too much on "controlling" his behavior. After the fact, I apologize to my son and really get mad at myself. Not to try to put blame elsewhere, but I think the years of labeling have contributed to my lack of focus on the real issue of ADHD. I can sometimes allow those labels to guide my thinking, and I just have to remember that many of those labels are just plain wrong. I've learned a lot about ADHD in the last few months and am shocked at how little people understand about the true nature of this disability. I'm unaware of a awareness campaign out there about ADHD, but there should be one! We need more education to the public, especially in schools, so that people realize that this isn't a shameful condition.

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I have a 14 year-old son with AD/HD. He was diagnosed in 3rd grade, and has been on medication ever since. I totally relate to the comments about deciding who to tell. I have often enrolled my son in sports thinking, 'the coach doesn't need to know this'... 'I want him to treat my son like everyone else'. Invariably, his behavior/ difficulties warrant an explanation. I, too, battle with the notion that "these kids just need a 'swift kick in the rear'... and I know other parents, teachers, and coaches may be thinking the same thing. Honestly, I don't always know which behaviors are volitional, and which ones are out of his control - a function of a true disability. I don't doubt in this diagnosis. I know that it is REAL. However, as parents, we can't lower our expectations for our children, because the rest of the world will NOT.

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I sit here and ask someone to give me serenity. I am a mom of 3 boys my oldest has add/ld. I feel so hopeless as I type this message. I try to find the positive all the time, but he comes home in a good mood sometimes, but a lot of time he is so wound up we are on a hair line trigger. Once he has a melt down it takes forever for him to settle down. He spent 5 minutes screaming in the shower because of a lego. He is 9. He wants to know why I get mad at him all the time. That makes me feel so horrible. I try to be positive, but after hours of homework battle, transitioning him for bed time plus I have 2 other kids to put to bed. I am emotionally wiped out! I feel so alone.

I am lost, frustrated, I feel like a horrible mom because I don't know what to do! I love him so much.

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I totally get where you are coming from. My oldest can have melt downs too, just yesterday my husband called me from home (I'm visiting my bro in CA and my husband and kids are in WV) and told me that our oldest had a melt down for 2 hours. Just crying and having a fit. He can get so emotional sometimes and it throws him in a tizzy. Sometimes I get so frustrated in times like that. It's hard to keep my cool and to enjoy his company. Hang in there, I know you have for a while now, but just keep in mind that there are others like you out there and you can always call on them for help and advice. Good luck!

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My 7 year daughter was just diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD-combined, I also thought that these kids needed more guidance and parent control. WOW!! Did that come back to bite me! I am stuggling with my own guilt and frustrations. I just want to help her and I don't know what's right or where to start.

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I don't wish guilt or frustration on anyone, but it is so helpful to me to know I'm not alone in my feelings. You really question your parenting skills and whether or not you are doing the right things by your child or if you're just scaring them for life! I often don't know how to handle certain circumstances and have to remind myself that parenting is difficult and that I'm not a bad mother. Sometimes you just want to give in to your child's demands or tantrums because it would just be easier, but making the right choices can be so hard--but every time you make those right choices it's a win in the parenting column and for your child's future.

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I am a mom with a 9 year old girl who was just diagnosed. Thing is, I have been diagnosed too. It's hard to deal with. How to I help her when I am messed up too? Remember, you have friends, family and medical professionals to help, and USE THAT HELP!

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