If your friend is anything like me, she probably still likes you a lot. Those of us with ADHD tend to latch onto new things with gusto but have a hard time maintaining the energy long-term. This has nothing to do with you or your desirability as a friend. I've flaked on friends before. Sometimes I have had to say, "it's not you, it's me! Really!"

I need people in my life who will pick up the phone when I can't or forget. It's hard to accept that someone really does want to be in your life and values you yet can't remember to initiate, but for us it's true.

Expect exciting times when you are doing everything together and fallow periods when your friend is preoccupied with something else. If you can handle this dynamic (or are willing to put up with it), you should be able to have a nice, long-term friendship with this person. Also please be honest but gentle if/when she hurts your feelings.

Good luck!

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Thank you so much for your reply. This person means a lot to me and I want to stay in the relationship. To do that, though, I'm beginning to realize I need to better understand ADHD. I have another question. I don't think that my friend is forgetting to call me, I think it's about them being more interested in talking to other friends. My friend seems to have an unusual need to have as many friends as possible. They spend much of their time trying to connect with anyone who will give them attention. They give you a lot of attention in the beginning, but then after a while they move on to somone else. This is another reason why I've thought they weren't interested in being close friends anymore. I see them spending so much time pursuing other people and spending a lot less time with me. I don't think it's just me, I think they've done this to other people as well. Could this be ADHD? I hesitate to email and call them now. Their actions are making me wonder if it would be welcomed. Any insight you could give me would be greatly appreciated.

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tryingtobeagoodfriend - you hit the nail on the head. I am not sure if this is all people with ADHD but it is definitely one I have seen and know of. I personally don't think its that we need alot of attention but I believe that at some point its alot of work or effort. If its not easy for us to we get too much going on then its hard for us to put out the effort. I agree with the others that if you call or make and effort then the ADHD person will respond. But usually we have so much other crap going on its almost overwhelming. We forget, we are tired, we need some quiet time, etc. If you call and say hey do you want to go for coffee or whatever you may just get a great I really need to get away. You may get the answering machine so leave a message and try again.

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Thanks for your answer. I've decided to hang in there with my friend. They mean a lot to me. But I'm still having a hard time understanding how someone can remember to call new friends and forget to call old friends. It feels to me it's more about losing interest than forgetting to call. Any personal experiences with this?

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tryingtobeagoodfriend- I wish that there were more friends like you out there who wanted to learn more about ADHD. I have lost many "friends" due to my "erractic" ways and never knew that people were upset with me. I think that it's a good thing what you are doing and trust me your friend will appreciate those who stuck it out with them more than you could ever know. The best thing to do is openly talk about it with your friend. Like one person said when you have a problem with something that your friend is or is not doing be gentle but honest in how you feel. I know that when I feel like I am in trouble or being confronted I tend to spaz out on people. It sucks but it is what it is. Good luck and you sound like a good friend.

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Thanks for the encouraging words! My friend's behavior combined with my insecurities has not made for an easy situation. I've decided not to talk to my friend about this for now. They seem to get defensive when you question their actions. It's like they feel you're criticizing them. Hopefully at some point we will be able to talk about it. Thanks again.

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