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I've Just About Lost All Hope...
I have been to one psychiatrist who seemed less interested in actually diagnosing me and more interested in simply medicating me so he could diagnose by experimentation. He was generally dismissive of my concern that I might have ADD because he said simply that most people grow out of ADD they experience as children and young adults. I wasn't really happy with this answer but I tried the meds anyway, but they didn't help (I'll be honest, this was two years ago and I forget what I was given).
When I was in grade school I was a little bit hyper, with rapid movements and whatnot. I was tested and diagnosed with Tourettes Syndrome and given medication which helped keep it under control. After elementary school I developed a pattern of behaviour and work ethic that led to my being labeled by most teachers I had as an underachiever, someone who doesn't work up to his abilities. Also noted was my extreme disorganization. By years end my binder would be a mess of papers and tests, unfinished homework, and whatever else. The following year I typically would really be excited about the idea of staying organized. I would go out with my mother, buying new binders, tab organizers, anything that would help me be organized in school. I wasn't happy with what I'd become the past few years and I wanted to correct it. Then school would begin and I would start off fine the first couple days, but then I'd be in class taking notes and just start to daydream, and that would derail me. After one small incident like that things would quickly spiral out of control to the point where I didn't care to be organized anymore. I always planned on doing homework, but never usually got around to it, and if I did it was the next morning right before class. I would regularly fail take-home test....who fails take-home tests? It's an easy 100 yet I'd fail them because I didn't complete them. My grades were actually not as bad as you would think. My being in class apparently was enough to absorb information to an extent that my test and quiz grades, including midterms and finals, were always very high. This offset my homework grades and allowed me to pass with a B average most years.
Nowadays I experience very similar problems, both with organization and with getting things accomplished. Even right now, I'm writing on this forum when I should be working on a wedding album for a client that is long overdue. I am a photographer, and this is really hurting me professionally. The combination of me being a ridiculous perfectionist along with me being an unbelievable procrastinator is not allowing my business to flourish like it should. I try everything. I set working hours for myself, I set goals, nothing seems to work. I was working on the album when I remembered Dr. Phil was having some ADD guy on so I decided to do some research. What the hell is wrong with me? Isn't it possible that I'm just lazy? I don't want to be this way! I want my business to succeed. I want people to be impressed with my work, not upset that it took so long. I want to get things done around the house. I really want to be a better husband to my wife and a better father to my children but I don't know where to turn at this point. I feel like I'm frittering away my entire life and there is nothing I can do about it.
I'd appreciate any input. Thank you.
--John
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9 Jul 2009 @ 4:26 PM
11 Jul 2009 @ 9:52 PM