ok, it looks like he does not care about the whole thing nor does he want to. He has decided that it is something too weird and he want to avoid it period,. why, many reasons and that does not matter. now only you do.

A solution given the fact that you gave him material like list of symptoms etc... and he would not get it (even if I don't blame him too much for keeping this type of stuff away), well he has to understand that this is part of you like your arm is and he will loose you if he does not respect such an incredibly important thing in your daily life.

Adult ADHD can make somebody die thinking he is a looser while he or she could have been the opposite. Having and managing adult ADHD is serious enough to not make any favors to anybody whoever they are. you will regret later I would say,. Put your foot down.

good luck,

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Do it when you aren't having an ADD/ADHD moments; and explain to him this has been on your mind and it very important that he understands it; otherwise I am sorry to say he never will get it and you will begin to resent him so much that you will want him to leave. Tell him ADD/ADHD is not an excuse and these things such as forgetting time hyper focusing and all the other things are you. If he thinks this is a character flaw unfortunately you don't have a prayer. because he just won't take the time to learn about it tell me he can and will use it as an excuse to make you feel small. I went through hell with my husband when I was first diagnosed with the ADD/ADHD when I told he needed to learn about it he said to me " no he didn't he lived with it so he knew everything he would ever need to know" I told him if he didn't take to time to learn so much about something that regarded me why should I do anything for him . I took him a while when he finally needed me to look something up about his fibromyalgi and I refused saying the exact same-thing he said . I hope you don't have to go to such an extreme. If he refuses it then time to rethink this relationship Good Luck

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romabit said: Any advice for someone who's significant other thinks that ADD is only a "small" problem? My bf doesn't think it's that big of a deal, but then gets upset with me for losing track of time, forgetting and losing things, hyperfocusing on projects, and pretty much every other clearly-add related behavior I exhibit. If I apologize and tell him it's the ADD, he thinks I'm making excuses. If I say nothing about the ADD and just listen to his quantification of my shortcomings, I resent him, and then what's the point?

Hi Romabit -- You don't mention what steps you are actively taking to managing these issues -- losing track of time, forgetting, etc. That's important. If you keep doing these things and can only tell him it's the ADD, well, what else can he conclude but that you're offering an excuse?

On the other hand, if you explain to him the solid strategies you've put into place but that sometimes you will slip (and that's understandable), he should be doing his best to understand.

Gina Pera, author, Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? http://www.ADHDRollerCoaster.com

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Last edited by GinaPera : 6 Jul 2009 @ 1:27 AM. Reason:

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romabit said: Any advice for someone who's significant other thinks that ADD is only a "small" problem?

One thought was that it might help to write it down if you think it will help you make it more clear and if he can receive it in that way.

Another thought is to spell it out in very simple terms. As a man, I know how I sometimes just don't get it . My suggestion is to tell him that you have a condition, disorder, problem - whatever adjective that works best for you, with your brain.

It's not an excuse for bad or irresponsible behavior, but it is an explanation for some behavior. And like many other conditions like diabetes, high blood pressure, or food allergies, it's important to recognize it, understand it, and manage it with whatever tools you can. And just as a partner would need support and understanding regarding any other condition, you need him to understand that while you take responsibility for managing the condition you will struggle with it.

I would also explain to him that it's not his place to determine the severity of your condition. If someone complains of a severe headache, the only one who knows how painful it is, is the person with the headache. Minimizing or ignoring the condition will not make it go away nor improve it's symptoms.

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I HAVE FIBROMYALGIA ALONG WITH ADD AND MY BOYFRIEND SAYS VERY HURTFUL THINGS, BUT I JUST PRAY ALOT AND HOPE ONEDAY HE WILL UNDERSTAND I AM NOT MAKING ALL THIS UP!!! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS U, UWILL BE IN MY PRAYERS SWEETIE FAITH2LIVE

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I just want you to know the Fibromyalgia has a very good book out on how to decrease the pains. I know you will have to decrease salicylate (aspirin) found in many plant life, creams and things. I wish I knew the name of this book. It was green and I saw it in the Barnes and Nobles. It was extensive and I took my husband to doctor I found in the book in NYC who specialized in this disorder. My husband can't take NSAID so he always having pain of some sort. Did you have a major accident or chronic fatigue syndrome.. These two things tend to the precursor of this syndrome. and The acid found in aspirin , cleaning products relieve the pain but make the symptoms worse MU husband had a car accident , never broke anything and walked away from this started with a little pain ; but now he can't even have a slight breeze on his skin especially hands it starts off waves of pain. His doctor called a parasympathetic reaction Brain doesn't turn off the pain sensor . I feel for you Have a blessed day. (Judi)

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I just want you to know the Fibromyalgia has a very good book out on how to decrease the pains. I know you will have to decrease salicylate (aspirin) found in many plant life, creams and things. I wish I knew the name of this book. It was green and I saw it in the Barnes and Nobles. It was extensive and I took my husband to doctor I found in the book in NYC who specialized in this disorder. My husband can't take NSAID so he always having pain of some sort. Did you have a major accident or chronic fatigue syndrome.. These two things tend to the precursor of this syndrome. and The acid found in aspirin , cleaning products relieve the pain but make the symptoms worse My husband had a car accident , never broke anything and walked away from this started with a little pain ; but now he can't even have a slight breeze on his skin especially hands it starts off waves of pain. His doctor called a parasympathetic reaction Brain doesn't turn off the pain sensor . I feel for you Have a blessed day. (Judi)

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It is always difficult in a relationship for the other one who is healthy to understand that the other one is sick. And you are definitely right. ADD is not a small problem. It is a big part of your life and I am of the opinion that you should talk with your bf in order to tell him that it is actually a big thing for you. I think the best strategy is to talk. Good luck and keep my finger crossed.

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romabit said: Any advice for someone who's significant other thinks that ADD is only a "small" problem? My bf doesn't think it's that big of a deal, but then gets upset with me for losing track of time, forgetting and losing things, hyperfocusing on projects, and pretty much every other clearly-add related behavior I exhibit. If I apologize and tell him it's the ADD, he thinks I'm making excuses. If I say nothing about the ADD and just listen to his quantification of my shortcomings, I resent him, and then what's the point? Otherwise our relationship is wonderful, we have fun and enjoy eachother and are very compatible, so I'm not ready to just throw in the towel. I've tried giving him reading material which he'll look at but he still doesn't seem to get it. Does anyone have real, clear steps I can take to work on this? I am open to all ideas, but just need action steps, here. How can I discuss the ADD (I need the words, please) with him and still take responsibility for myself? How do I "lay down the law", so to speak, about learning about and accepting me as is without giving him an ultimatum and escalating? Really, I need help with the actual words I should use to communicate this, as well as advice on timing, etc. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

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