We had this problem with our son, to some extent. I think it's very frightening, both for the adults and especially for the child. It's really important that he learn, at the earliest age possilbe, that he can't physically harm the adults in his life. It's just too overwhelming for a child to feel that s/he is that powerful. Maybe you could learn some ways to restrain him from hurting people, but obviously it would be crucial to do so without hurting him. The other thing that comes to mind is that you will want to pay close attention to whether/how a particular medication affects his aggressive behavior and keep his prescribing physician informed about it. A lot of ADHD medications seem to cause a real kickback, particularly at the end of the day. I'm not a professional, just a parent(!), but these are a few things that came to mind in reading your post. Very best of luck to you.

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I find it interesting that your grandson behaves better around other people than he does around you. You are obviously dealing with a serious discipline problem. Some ADHD kids can't control their aggression, so it is up to the adults in their lives to institute some serious discipline. He obviously thinks he has the upper hand in the household, you need to change that. He needs to understand (and experience) the consequences for his bad behavior--no exceptions.

Here are a few articles that might help you get control of your grandson before he hurts someone.

Helping ADHD Kids Who Hit

No More Childish ADHD Outbursts

Parenting Your ODD Kid

Getting Your ADHD Child to Behave

You may also need to consider taking him to a therapist and/or adjusting his medications.

I hope this helps. Dena

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Thank you, Dena. I agree with you, but that's what the whole issue is all about. It's about when we discipline him that he goes wild with us. He does not have free reign in the house - to the contrary we keep an eye on him at all times. He can spend almost a whole day in his room because he just won't accept our authority, instructions or discipline. We've begun throwing out his toys, etc as a new form of consquences for his actions. We've yet to find a consequence that has an effect on him.

I mispoke when I said it's only with us at home. His teachers have had a tough time of it, too.

His defiance drives me up a wall. I think he also has ODD, but his doc doesn't agree. He's very angry - has been since he was very little. How does a 3 year old become so angry? What are they angry about? It is quite usual for him to say he's going to kill us when he's enraged over some perceived slight. His doc is not alarmed by this - I certainly am. I called my own doctor looking for some referral advise for a 2nd opinion for this child. When I told my GP about the 'killing' threats, he advised me to call the police! He said it was proper procedure. How can I call the police on a 5 year old who can't control his emotions? What in the world would that do to him?

Last night I would not allow him a 2nd glass of juice - he threw an apple at my head and hit me hard with it. I picked him up, put him in his room all the while he is kicking & screaming at me. He is a big boy and I have trouble picking him up now, but continue to do it because that's the only thing that seems to everntually settle him down.

As you can imagine, we are exhausted. This is the way it is all day. I'm relieved when his dad takes him every other weekend.

We're careful about types of foods he eats, what he drinks. We continue to search for anything & everything that might affect him adversely.

Thanks for listening.

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I agree you need to see if his fit of anger is mostly after he receives a stimulant because it sounds like he has the type of ADHD that is called he "ring of fire" The stimulants are contraindicated in this type of ADHD and it seems to make the darker moods so much worse. There is a Book about the different types of ADHD that talks specifically to the symptoms and issues that are present in the most common six types. I found it to be so helpful for me becasue I really didn't want to take something that I didn't need. It also speaks to diet, exercise and every thing else. But what I remeber the ring of fire was the one that presents with very violent behavior that would be so much worse when a stimulant was added. The medications used were the anti-physcotic meds that are used ; and really had great success. The Dr that wrote was a DR. Amen and it called the six types of ADHD , I agree in that if a counselor is not listening to you you are doing the right thing and looking for someone else, just because a person deals with children doesn't mean they know so much about ADHD. If he doesn't get the treatment he needs and if he doesn't get the right medications he unfortunately will find he will land up in juvenile detention and as a adult in jail is becasue they can get so violent. Since his moods started when he was so much younger it gives a idea to the ring of fire. GOOD LUCK < I do hope he does well and is put on the right meds. Stay safe

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Grandma -

I have ADHD twins. One of them used to be angry all the time and throw terrible tantrums such as you describe. She would throw hard objects at me, kick me, bite, knock over furniture, etc. In our case, the tantrums pretty much went away once she began to take Ritalin. So I would definitely talk to the prescribing doctor and make sure that you find the correct medication and dosage. Sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error. Stress was also a big component for our daughter. The more she was expected to control herself at school, and work beyond her abilities, the more explosive she became at home.

It's also important to be sure that the diagnosis is correct in the first place. Here is a list of many other conditions that can easily be mistaken for ADHD.

http://www.incrediblehorizons.com/mimic-adhd.htm

The diagnosing doctor should be a pediatric psychiatrist, neurologist or specialist pediatrician.

I would also recommend reading The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene. It should be available in your library, or is easily purchased on line. Dr. Greene discusses how to avoid the triggers of these tantrums, and how to handle the child when he does "explode". There is even a description of a safe restraining hug that you can use when he is out of any control. I was able to use that hold with my daughter up until about 5th grade, when she became too big & strong. Fortunately, by then I really didn't need it anymore.

I also like Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Her book is aimed at younger kids - say preschool - but may still be appropriate to a 5 year old. Lots of practical tips for ornery kids.

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Hello, All. We went through a really rough time of it since last I visited. However, I'm happy to say we seem to have found a combination of meds that has turned our 5 year old into a sweet & fun kid. He had to have an emergency visit to his psych doc who added Abilify to his meds. He now takes Vyvance first thing in the morning and 2 mg of Abilify at 4:00 in the afternoon. It keeps him calm & we're having fun. He smiles now and jokes and is nice & loving to his mom and me. Life is much calmer in our house and it's a happy house now.

In one and one half weeks he'll be changing from his day-care of almost 2 years to a new day-care school and kindergarten. We're a little concerned about how he'll deal with these big changes, but I'm confident it will be a lot better than it could have been.

Thanks to all for your advise, good thoughts and prayers. I continue to read the forums everyday looking for more insight and advise for all of us who have these crazy lives.

Thank goodness for this site. G

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