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Doubt...
I can relate to your experience. Both ADHD and anxiety have gotten in the way of work and school. Furthermore, I need some space to call my own or I can't focus. ADHD and anxiety has really shaken my confidence and was very much a self-fulfilling cycle.
In my view, confidence doesn't change until something real changes. The idea that if we just believe in ourselves things will improve ignores the reality of ADHD. With ADHD there are so many fits and starts it can be easy to become cynical about the likelihood of our own success.
The most important thing coaching taught me was that you have to address the medications first. Then work on one or two problems at a time. If you feel your medication isn't working well be sure to work with someone who can help you monitor results and is willing to try other medications (or doses). If your medication is working well, I would suggest finding a solution regarding running out of medication. Consistency is important.
When I started coaching, my coach told me to go out and buy a handful of small pill holders from a drug store or a camping outfitter like REI and place extra meds in my cars, laptop bag, and coat pocket. I didn't think it was necessary at the time but I did it. I was really surprised at how often I used my backup plan and how much missing a dose here and there interfered with my progress.
Another thing I am learning is that my anxiety is very closely related to messages I've been receiving throughout my undiagnosed ADHD & anxiety as well as messages I have been telling myself. I am not to the point where I can meditate very long, but one thing I do before starting my work is slow down enough to listen to any negative messages that I seem to be holding on to. I write them all down before I start my projects so I can toss them out or replace them. I am finding that this helps reduce my anxiety significantly.
I also think it's really important not to take the differences with your co-workers personally or as a reflection of who you are or should be. I know that's far easier said than done, but it really is important to keep in mind that it's okay that you have a different set of values, experiences, and problems than they do. And as much as I really hate having to deal with ADHD, I would not want some of the problems my non-ADHD co-workers have (like having a need for power at the office) .
Finally, let me just say that I commend you for being able to your job at all. Filling out forms, meeting deadlines for handing them in, and proofing paperwork is an incredible challenge for me. It's improved some, but I used to have trouble sitting still long enough to read my phone bill. I'm guessing I would have been fired from your job around day 4.
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Last edited by kdog : 18 Jun 2009 @ 12:00 PM.
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