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| Thread : Identity Crisis (of sorts) and Marital Stuff | |
16 Jun 2009 @ 12:01 PM
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| SusieQ |
Join Date:
Tue 16th Jun 2009
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Identity Crisis (of sorts) and Marital Stuff
I found out I have ADHD last fall, and it was the moment when everything kind of fell into place. All the weird habits I have, all the stuff that I never really understood about myself, all the stuff that made me different from other people...all of it suddenly made sense. I was glad to finally understand why I am the way I am, but at the same time, I've discovered a minor, nagging thought: who would I have been, if not for ADD? Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT in a full-fledged identity crisis here, but sometimes I wonder who I would've been if I hadn't had ADD. Would I have made it to an Ivy League school? Probably. Would I have achieved success sooner? Definitely. Would I have excellent credit and a better interest rate on credit cards and my mortgage? Yes. But more importantly, the question I occasionally ask myself is, once you strip out all the stuff that I thought made me "unique," "quirky," and "interesting," most of which I've learned are ADD symptoms, what's left of ME? Finally, any advice on how I can help my husband cope with my ADD? We're going through a stressful time and I'm noticing my ADD gets worse with stress. Consequently, I'm interrupting him a lot more, experiencing a lot of what I call "the ADD version of Tourette's" where I just say whatever's in my head, without thinking first, and getting distracted when he's talking. Not, of course, when I'M talking, but when he's talking...which isn't too pleasant for him, I'm afraid. Since my husband has overfocused ADD and tends to get stuck on the negative stuff, we're struggling a bit. Any suggestions or ideas? Thanks! |
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16 Jun 2009 @ 12:32 PM
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| kdog |
Join Date:
Mon 27th Oct 2008
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What has helped me...
I have very similar problems. Getting on the right level of ritalin has helped me significantly. Another thing that has helped is that I am working on my anxiety which also reduces my chattiness. For me, coaching has helped me learn and practice these techniques and allowed me to keep track of my progress. Also, I am always buying spiral notebooks to write my thoughts and I've learned to pick up a newspaper or magazine with crossword puzzles to keep my busy mind from needing to talk. I hated, I mean really hated things like crossword puzzles or sodoku before I was on the right medication. Now I use it to help quiet myself. The other thing I've done is discussed this problem with my wife and asked her to tell me when I am getting overly talkative. We have a quiet tap on the knee for when we're with other people. I've learned that I have to take her word for it and do my best to take a break. Sometimes, I'll simply ask her to sit quietly with me for 5 minutes before we go any further - whether it's leaving the house, or start a project - whenever I'm afraid the chattiness or anxiety may kick in. I have similar identity issues, having failed college while undiagnosed. I am simply trying to find a way to turn all my failures into something of value, but I'm still struggling with that.
Last edited by kdog : 16 Jun 2009 @ 12:34 PM.
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17 Jun 2009 @ 9:45 AM
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| Dena |
Join Date:
Mon 12th Jan 2009
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For Your Non-ADHD Spouses
There is an entire section on the ADDitude website for spouses of ADHD adults. You might want to read and print out some of these articles and discuss them with your husband so that you both can work on your communication skills. Dare to Forgive Your ADHD Spouse And, for advice about controlling your impulsive speaking tendencies: Open Mouth Insert Foot: 10 Strategies for Reining In Impulsive Speech and Unwelcome Spontaneity I hope this helps, Dena
Last edited by Dena : 17 Jun 2009 @ 9:51 AM.
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19 Jun 2009 @ 3:13 PM
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| Erebus |
Join Date:
Fri 5th Jun 2009
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Being there
I'm 58, and after failing high school, 2 failed marriages, 4 careers, 30 jobs and over 50 moves with all my worldly possessions I now find out I have ADD. I don't mean to be unsympathetic, but I don't plan on wasting one more second of my life wondering who I MIGHT have been. I'm not just 58 - I'm ONLY 58, and this amazing, incomprehensible universe has just given me an opportunity I wouldn't have believed possible a year ago. Like the man said - Be Here Now. Life is too short for anything else. |
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