Hi there, I have personally dealt with these same feelings during work situations..something I have very consciously employed for myself is to engage in deep breathing, taking on active inhaling and exhaling slowly while another is speaking. I force myself to do this and also make sure I engage my "poker face" during meetings, keeping my expression in a permanent pleasant smile (keeping lips together, not looking goofy, but a grin while consciously relaxing my forehead muscles. I do this to avoid communicating anger in my facial expression. Now, I very well may not agree with the speaker or what is being said, but by engaging "poker face" I remain somewhat neutral in a way that enables me to be safe if you will, and survive the meeting, which in turn reduces my frustration and anxiety of internally stressing myself out and putting myself down, for I am not revealing my "poker hand" so to speak. Hope this helps, but I agree, the speaking for too long part is hard, I know, it is so easy to get carried away when making an important point or communicating an important message. I prepare before mtgs with a sheet of bullet points of main points to help me stay on track & also have asked a colleague to be the timekeeper to keep topics or agenda items moving along. Does anyone else have additional strategies to share?

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I wrote an email to one of my colleagues over this weekend to apologize for my behavior. This particular person is aware of my circumstances so I felt comfortable sending her a personal email. She wrote back that it probably didn't occur to anyone to "blame" me for the meeting room change but in the moment it feels like everyone is holding me responsible for anything that goes wrong in any situation (work or personal). I am so terrified of criticism and when a non-ADD person says, "don't worry about it" I can't explain to them that I don't have any control over that. I will try your bullet point and poker face suggestions. Sounds like you have the body language/facial expression transparency issues too. Thanks for reminding me that I am not alone.

Kindest regards, LastGal

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I don't want to sound glib, b/c I know too well how frustrating dealing with others (and ourselves) can be - especially in a professional setting. We're already so hard on ourselves, and let's face it, just getting things done IS not exactly our strong suit. Organization, linear thinking, etc. etc. all those things that "other people" seem to be do without breaking a sweat....

That said, when things just get to the boiling point... one way to cope is to try to back up and... FIND THE COMEDY in the situation. Conjure up your favorite sitcom... FRASIER, SCRUBS, THE OFFICE, I LOVE LUCY, THE THREE STOOGES (since you're a guy).. pick your poison. And MAKE SURE TO LAUGH not only at YOURSELF... BUT AT the other people in the MEETING... the obnoxious know-it-all, the "suck up," the usual suspects that we all have to deal with in the "daily grind." If you have to, imagine your boss or greatest nemesis in the most absurd situation possible, and then... with that the little bit of BREATHING ROOM that humor can give you...

take that deep breath, hear that laugh track in the background, and keep going.

To offer a more "serious" piece of advice remember this: "When you're going through hell... KEEP GOING." This too shall pass.... ! [insert immature ending here.]

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I didn't realize how much of a problem this was for me until I was on the right level of Ritalin. It really did hurt my job prospects because I interpreted too many things as a 'hassle' that were normal adjustments for others.

I am reminded of the Seinfeld episode where George learns that if he always looks frustrated others will perceive him as overworked. When his boss almost catches him doing the crossword, George begins violently stabbing the newspaper with his pen to display frustration. In turn the boss gives him a cushy project to help him reduce his stress.

My patience for other people's poor planning and last minute "it's an emergency" requests would nearly drive me insane. It is hard enough to concentrate and stay on task without others interruptions - especially thoughtless interruptions.

Now I try to remember that it's not a personal attack or necessarily excessive carelessness on their part. The reality is that interruptions are harder for me to handle than it might be for others. When these interruptions happen, I try to accept that I'm with a bunch of people for whom this is normal and no big deal and that they can't possibly know that they are asking for something that is very difficult for me.

I also have given apology cards and other gestures as apologies when I've over-reacted.

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I take Adderall, not Ritalin, but same thing. I'm much more 'chilled-out' now. I take the blame for everything naturally - I think it is because if we do have things that happened in the past that we were directly responsible for, it overshadows everything. Because I forgot to pay a bill last month, it's automatically my fault for something else. Or if something was left in plain sight of everyone before getting in the car, soon as it's mentioned, I feel guilty that I didn't pick it up. Like there aren't others in the vicinity with opposable thumbs. :-) I echo the humor, and I would inquire if you have exhausted the possibilities of dealing with it. How about not dealing with it? Is it possible to have intra-office meetings via computer chat? I find it much easier to relax and think when I'm not face-to-face with someone. Even hearing a voice can be annoying to me. (I work with my husband so that's probably a personal thing! LOL) I don't know how 'high-up' in your company you are, but I know it's been suggested here several times to give yourself time with the door shut and no interruptions. If you could maybe get that sort of time to 'prepare' for meetings, would it help? I love the idea of playing your life like a sitcom. Pick yourself some 'theme' music and sing it to yourself in your head when you are annoyed at people. :-)

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Some great suggestions here...I especially like the sitcom idea! My husband is Cuban and I am Irish and Spanish so we relate to "I Love Lucy" a lot around the house. Maybe I can just imagine the "Lucy, you've got some 'splainin to do," or at least the theme music!!!

I have been on meds since diagnosis and the Concerta seems to be working well re: focus but behavioral stuff is more about tools in the toolbox. Sitcoms are a great new tool!

I have also written down the Poke face suggestion. Practiced in a meeting yesterday and immediately got positive feedback after the meeting from my mentor. She said that she received a phone call from an attendee who said that I led a very productive, well organized and pleasant meeting! That was great news so thanks for the suggestions.

Its great to know I'm not alone!!!

Thanks, Lastgal

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I will be 62 years old next month. I am newly diagnosed with ADD and have struggled with success in the workplace my entire working life. Now when I read about others' challenges, it is a punch in the gut with every new revelation. Occasionally my peers attempted to tell me that my anger was out of control but nothing really registered until I started on medication a few months ago. I sent an over-the-top email to my very tolerant CEO and was stunned the next day when I reread it and was overwhelmed with the immaturity of the content and the language.

As you intimated, the medication doesn't solve all of the problems with ADD but I have discovered that it does allow one a degree of self-assessment never before possible. One can then remember to use tools rather than avoid them.

I'm sure all of us who read here are very pleased for your successful learning experience.

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...and your new beginning and thanks for your thoughtful support. I was diagnosed at the age of 41 and I am always so happy to hear others who have been diagnosed as adults. We have the unique ability to be able to gauge progress against previous experiences. Kids don't have that so it must be harder to tell what is ADD and what isn't.

Thanks again!

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I never connected my short temper to ADD until recently (I only accepted/admitted the diagnosis at age 40.). But along the way I discovered that anger really comes down to a sense of loss of control. Think about it, everything you get angry about is about not having control over a situation, a person, or a problem. I still struggle with anger, but a major mental shift was when I realized I NEVER have control. When I allow myself to not be in control, managing my anger is much easier.

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I was diagnosed about 4 years ago (I'm 51) and reframing my life experiences has been liberating. Dr. Hallowell says that when we receive the medical diagnosis we can let go of the moral diagnosis. Maybe you can let go of labeling yourself as an angry jerk and instead label yourself as someone who needs minimum interruptions to give your best at work. Having someone to watch the time for you when you are speaking and using bullet points to stay on track are great tools, too. Remember that each and every co-worker has a struggle of their own and that might help to lower your frustration. We're all human.

I read somewhere that anger is always a secondary emotion, following pain or shame or fear. Maybe by looking at what was underneath that anger around the conflict in scheduling the conference room, you can come up with some preventative strategy to use in the future.

I'm very open about being ADD, but that works in my field. To me it's no different than knowing if you are a people person, a detail person, a good organizer - any of the many strengths and weaknesses people express in life. I teach and many of my students are ADHD. We ADDers often need someone to help us with time management or organization or whatever. I tell my kids that they should think of it as a mark of achievement because you have to achieve a certain level of management and success to get your own admin assitant. Having a helper is a status symbol!

Good luck with everything.

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I had a friend tell me a really long time ago that the root or origin of almost ALL anger is fear. What are you afraid of? Your reputation being downgraded? Loss of control? I find that statement about the origin of anger being fear to be really thought-provoking.

Personally I haven't figured out what to do about it for myself. I've been to a few therapists - only one of them more than once. I've had a good work record with my present company for 10 years and changed to my dream job a little over a year ago - until a few months ago when I got a new manager, and now it seems that EVERY public communication I have, email, speaking in meetings, she has a criticism for. It's really gotten me off my groove.

Some things I'm considering - revisiting therapy with the one therapist I've ever met that I clicked with and also considering Botox for my forehead so that I can't frown and look anxious. Seriously, I am considering Botox for that reason. I've already told me boss too much about my issues - now I think she's holding it against me. She better pull her head out, her oldest kid sounds very ADHD to me and she's gonna have to deal with these same issues with him pretty soon.

Good luck to you - and if what you try doesn't work, keep trying, never give up. ADDers like variety anyway :-)

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