The most important thing I did to take care of the mess that ADHD creates has been finding a coach that is willing to work on what I deemed most important. A good ADHD coach will be able to help sort out both his behaviors and your own (even if he's not willing) as well as provide strategies for managing your behavior and responses to his. A good coach will also help manage your stress level.

Not only can accepting ADD be difficult, but it can generate a lot of anger. Learning to manage your ADD might be the best thing that you can do for him - by setting an example and providing evidence that treatment offers some relief.

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The most obvious solution would be to go to counceling. But, practicing your communication skills may also help. Especially with someone who is particularly sensitive to the ADHD label. There is a wealth of information on the site related to building a better relationship with your ADHD spouse. Some of the articles offer excellent communication tips.

Build Better Relationships.

Communication Secrets for ADHD Adults

The Right Way to Fight: ADHD Relationship Advice

This is just a start. I hope this helps. Dena

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I don't mean to minimize or discount counseling, but my personal experience with counseling is that it is unlikely to work - and can do more harm than good, if the counselor doesn't have experience working with people with ADHD.

The last two counselors that my wife and I visited were excellent in their field and were helpful in improving our marriage. However, having very little experience with ADHD, they had no framework for my behavior and were unable to interpret and treat several of my behaviors that were severely damaging the marriage.

Just a few individual sessions with someone who had training and experience with ADHD provided significant changes that were never addressed in months of counseling. I would suggest selecting a counselor that has experience working with people with ADHD - or at least doesn't discount it as an insignificant factor.

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Kdog and Dena, Thank you so much for your responses. We are doing so much better TODAY and I know that can be different the next day, but we are doing sooooooooooo much better. I so much appreciate the suggestions of coaching and counseling. My husband and I have tried counseling and I agree with Kdog that it has not worked for us and I do think it is because we need to find someone who specializes in ADD, however, I am definitely going to look into finding a good coach. If you have any suggestions for a website, etc. for that kind of thing in the West Los Angeles area, I would very much appreciate it. I love being on this website and having a support group. It's been truly helpful and has kept me sane for the past week. I am very grateful for everyone who is brave enough to share their story and their experience. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!!!

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