However allowing him to accept the consequences what ever they maybe which is up to you such as spending his summer in summer school; and/or keeping him back a year in repeating the same grade. I would make him aware it is his not your fault that he needs to do this. Remind him it is his responsibility to go to school; and if he finds the assignments too hard to ask his teacher for the guidance in doing them. He also should made aware what you want from is not a A neccesarily ; but a good solid grade. Sometimes we want the highest grades that are not reasonable in that the child who make get A's in everything else just doesn't understand the class. My daughter hates any type of art thing that has to designing or drawing things in her math class; She however does get good marks on her test and exams. I had to realize she would not do exceptionally well on artsy math assignments .Or write her own poem like in English class this week when they read poems out loud and had to say how they affect her. She picked a Emily Dickens poem but some of the more artsy kids wrote their own poems.

When you tell him he will be doing A or B point out to him how sily it was for him to fight about , get done then never handed in the assignment if this is the reason he failed his class . Tell him and let him know it is his fault again I will say this . It will be also up to you and establish what other things you will do if he gives you a hard time. I would not fight with him I would just let him throw his tantrum and stick to whatever I slated. It make take a lot not to igve in ; but remeber you say something and give in they learn how easy by doing a , b or c how to get you to give up. Good Luck

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Oh my goodness do I know what you are talking about. My son is a gifted student with ADHD and has always gotten A's and B's. This past school year he has really struggled. At first, my husband and I were totally- what the heck are YOU doing. How could you possibly get an F. After really thinking about it I went back to him and asked him how he could have not turned in assignments. Here is what I figured out. He is a 6th grader with 6 different teachers. Math homework is pretty consistent so he pretty much always has homework in that class. Easy to remember, again consistent homework. Science on the other hand, does not have any kind of consistent pattern of homework. Additionally, a big part of his grade is a grading period report. He didn't do the report because he had no idea where to start, never mind how to complete the project. This is what I did. I went to his guidence counselor and asked for a weekly summary of his work assignments in each class. At the same time, I also had my son formulate what his assignments were. We would sit down everyday and discuss. More often then not, he didn't have all of the assignments, however by the end of the grading period, he did succeed in completing 3 assignments that I was unaware of and ended up going from an F to a B+. His teacher commented on how proud of his improvidement/accomplishments which I of course posted on our fridge to remind him that he is a VERY smart guy. This has been a very frustrating year and to end the year on such a high note has really helped us all. Keep plugging away and you will find the right tools for your family to help your student succed. Best of luck.

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The original poster did not indicate an age/grade but the middle school reply was on target. Try to figure out the skills that your child needs to learn/practice this summer so this doesn't happen again. Rather than adding more punishments let successful practice help him earn back a privilege. Having an opportunity to earn "time off for good behavior" is a great motivator and helps our son's attitude!

Agendas (calendars) are used in our schools but you have to be trained to both write & READ the entries. Some kids have IEPs that require the teachers and parents to initial the agenda daily so there are no missed assignments. Our agendas show a week at a glance. My son will write in the original assignment but if it isn't due the same week it is forgotten when the page is turned. We go in at home and write in reminders for the actual due date and/or milestones along the way. Working backwards he writes in the test date but needs a written study plan. We use a highlighter and sometimes add sticky notes! We spent a lot of time together in sixth grade doing this but in seventh grade I rarely looked at the agenda, just asked questions or wrote a question for a teacher occasionally.

If you think this is something to work on maybe let him earn back TV/computer time by doing this for "assignments" you give him this summer. Maybe a week's worth of chores given on Monday that has to be managed? Add structure to some fun things too - like you have to call a friend the day before to confirm a playdate and write the parents a thank you the day after.

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Twin sophomore sons, both failed accelerated Math last year. Primary reason: lack of follow-through. I suppressed my urges to punish, this is what I did instead, and it's worked out quite well.

1. Talked with teachers of current year's Math and the next year's Math. Determined where their Math aptitud was (quite high), where their performance really was (marginal) and their maturity and readiness for the next class was (marginal) and what their options were:

A - get tutoring all summer and re-take the Math final in August, proceed to the next class B - re-take the class as juniors (since they were accelerated, they would be with their peers.

2. Sat down with each kid individually, explained their choices to them, with a few words on how the approach taken to their work during the current year had led to this fork in the road.

3. One kid chose A. Spent the summer getting tutored by a Math teacher who'd actually had the same experience in high school (talk about luck!), did "good enough" when he re-took the final, and landed a great Math teacher for Math 4, where he's got a 90+ average.

4. One kid chose B. He wanted a break from Math, and he said he was really tired of being in trouble in Math class, and he wanted to be in a Math situation where he could do well. He's got much better grades this year, and his Math SAT score is the highest in our large family.

There was no need for punishment. The logical consequences of either studying all summer, or re-taking the class, were enough to repeatedly reinforce the need for better work habits. This year, they have become progressively better students. I think they both needed the reinforcement.

Was it hard? Yes.

Was it civilized? Yes.

Would I do it this way again? Absolutely.

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To all who responded to my original "Child Got F" thank you. (for those who asked he's just ending 5th grade/turns 11 years old next week). All of your advice and tips were extremely helpful. I should have used the word "consequence" versus "punishment' which is really what I meant so thanks to all for catching that. My son did earn a week's worth of doing dishes but also the consequence of summer science assignments to practice his planning and organization work habits. My only question to those who responded with what I currently do now --we check homework daily, discuss, get summary of assignments from school etc -- is eventually we can't hold their hand like that and come high school they really need to be on top of their syllabus and do it themselves. So what if it doesn't stick we keep doing it, but what about college?

Thanks -mom of child who earned F in science

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It will all work out . I was like your son when i was in school. The problem is with disablity you kind of go in cycles. Don't think of it as holding thier hand your just diong what your child needs . He may not need your help in high school like he does now but he may need it and he may need it in college to a less degree. I hope this makes you feel better but I'm working on my masters degree now . My father does not hold my hand so much anymore but he will only let me " fall" so far. Its a hard road even as an adult. So to all you parents let me say your diong a good job . It will work out . I hope you have a good summer.

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whatareodds said: My only question to those who responded with what I currently do now --we check homework daily, discuss, get summary of assignments from school etc -- is eventually we can't hold their hand like that and come high school they really need to be on top of their syllabus and do it themselves. So what if it doesn't stick we keep doing it, but what about college?

You gradually pull away from the daily management. This should come naturally as they get older. For instance, be available for a homework check but don't insist on it. Maybe you need a special "turn this in" folder. Make it really special - favorite color, character, etc. After explaining the purpose, ask at the end of a homework session "what needs to go into the special folder?". Don't tell him or do it for him, just ask. In the morning remind him to check the special folder as soon as he gets to class. After a couple of weeks try changing the prompts i.e."what is the first thing you do?". Experiment with not asking and see if it takes, but expect to repeat for a while after a long break.

I was a bit sneaky one year - the teacher emailed assignments and I would try to draw the assignment out of him without letting on that I already knew about it. This made him much better about reviewing the day and paying attention to details. Now on our ride home I we talk about homework because my son has soccer practice three times a week. HE tries to estimate how long it will take and what will get done before/after practice. Sometimes there is a scramble when the estimate is off but over time he has gotten pretty accurate - and tries to beat the clock of course!

As long as he understands the material (and it sounds like he does) try not to get too stressed out about grades before high school. Colleges don't look back any further. Just keep working on the organizational skills until you find something that works for him. Stock up during the back to school sales on things you might want to try (binders, folders, pockets, etc.). For us every subject has a color - book cover, notebook, folder, etc. This may be one area where you ask the teacher for some leeway if for instance she wants a 3-ring binder and you know something else will work better.

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The best thing is to work honestly with the current year's teachers, so that a strong suggestion can be made to the principal about next year's placement.

A strong match between teacher and student is half the battle.

When my two flunked math (earlier post in this thread), their math teacher was an absolute gem about sharing what she knew about them, what worked, and what she knew about their options for next year.

As a result, they ended up in great situations. Not only did their teachers understand them, their teachers LOVED them this year.

So they ended up motivated to do better - because of the consequences of their failures - and inspired to do their best.

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My daughter's first year in Middle school, so much going on, she didn't know if she was coming or going "literally". I received her report card last month 2 F's Math & Science and she failed Math the whole year, I have been stressed to the MAX..... Running back and forth school, she was suspended like 2 or 3 times, in-house suspension to the max, detention. Trying to keep with missing assigments was IMPOSSIBLE, on top of her just not turning or not doing her work period.....She played basketball for her school, and I even had her in AAU she's a very athletic young lady, LOTS of energy...But I had to pull her from that to get her on track with school. I didn't put her in summer school because I want her to understand her repsonsibilties, I don't know if she really understands, but I will find out. I just want to us to have peace in the schools, they are so non-supportive with these children with these different struggles.

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My son just graduated from 8th grade, barely. During the school year, he generally had Fs in 2 of the 4 core subjects. He is identified as GATE, and now has an IEP (due to AD/HD).

My problem with him in middle school was the school either told me I was 'helping' him too much, or not enough. Most of you can probably relate to this. It takes so much prompting to get the basic things done, and if I don't provide those prompts with follow-up or direct supervision, things don't get done. My son has never actively used a planner. I have asked the school repeatedly to have teachers initial his planner - so HE is responsible for writing in it, but they are verifying it's accuracy. Over and over teachers failed to do this. Every few weeks, one of his teachers would send me a list of his MANY missing assignments. It was always about playing "catch-up".

I explain to him that a planner is a tool that most people employ to stay organized with basic responsibilities on and off the job; and that for him, it is a perfect way to store important info in one place. He feels that somehow using a planner or agenda makes him weak, or "special" (not in a good way!) He acknowledges that he has AD/HD, and will take his medicine when I tell him (never on his own), but he has serious avoidance at this point. He won't take any of the tools or suggestions shown him to improve his routine and organization. I am beyond frustrated :(

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If your child has a 504/IEP, get yourself and husband into school and meet with the spec. ed. teacher and find out why teacher was not there to help w/science homework & projects. If you don’t have a 504/IEP, GET ONE now. NCLB requires teachers to help your child. That is their job. Your child needed the science homework broken down to understand/organize. You may need to get tutoring for your son. Extra time at end of day maybe. A resource/spec. ed. teacher to help. Learn the law, the accommodations/modifications and try to get them into a 504/IEP for your son.

Punishment/consequence from March? I know from experience, it is forgotten a lot quicker and causes some pretty bad responses. Grounding all the time won’t fix the issue. Summer School is a good way to work it. Maybe an additional chore @ home with allowance lowered. And you and husband need to take a look at your responses to your child[ren][s] responses to how you react. When you react out of anger/frustration, then so will they. Homework, not working in school, is their way of getting back @ you. I know, experience. I changed a lot of how I handled ADD/ADHD between my 2 sons. My 2nd son tries harder and is a procrastinator. My 1st got sick of hearing it and just ignored me and quit school. At least my 2nd is working to finish even though he doesn’t like school. Make the punishment/consequence something that helps your child[ren] not something that makes them even more frustrated/angry. Consequences need to be fairly immediate and not over long periods of time. Work w/your child on how to handle the difficulties. What does your child need (ask him!), how can you help (ask him!). Taking away a trip planned in advance and using as punishment/consequence for something 3-4 months ago is not a great solution to get your point across. Your child is in 5th grade, so next year and thereon will be much harder and you are going to run out of ‘groundings/consequences’ that will actually work unless you come to a solution WITH your son on how to fix this (again, ask him! Involve your child.). And get your school, his teachers, his guidance counselor, his school psychologist on board to help. You need to get further into the school to help your child. Stay strong, it will get harder, but in the end will feel much better for you and your child. Google: NCLB (§300.000 to §300.end), IDEA, FAPE, Wrightslaw.com and find out what the laws are.

Another thought to help is celebratecalm.com. There are some really good suggestions in newsletters. CDs are expensive, but, from testimonials, might be worth investment as well. And no I don’t work for them, just found many items worked @ home for my son and I.

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Last year I made a deal with my son, who was at the time in the 5th grade. I said that for all 'A' grades I'd pay him $5, 'B' grades were worth $3, and 'C' grades were worth $1. Any 'D' I'd substract $3 and an 'F' I'd substract $5 from the total. His final report card only had one 'D.' This was my 1st year in trying this. This year, he is working harder to get all 'A' grades. I told him as long as he achieve a passing grade I was happy. On his own he has turned to the public library which offers free homework help. Once a week, I pay a college student to help tutor him (can't afford more than that) but that doesn't mean that they do his homework for him. He must have it complete or finished as much as possible before tutoring begins. His confidence has been really high.

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