Just for some background, I met my current husband in high school, about nineteen years ago! We dated for seven years, been married since 1997. I never knew I had ADD until about six months ago, but we knew something was definately wrong after I had my daughter. Prior to having a child (who is now 3.5), we were very laid-back and relaxed, even though things weren't always right. (late bills, repeating mistakes, etc) After bringing her into the mix, I became completely overwhelmed. I had no idea what to do and the life I had envisioned was just gone. Keep in mind, we also own a business together, so we see each other or communicate in some way every day. The business stuff suffered in the past, as well, but we could chalk that up to a learning curve. I tell you this stuff so you understand where I'm coming from. I would suggest therapy (for both of you) if you haven't tried it - you didn't say. Aside of that, however, I have been to some therapy (had to stop because of $$) and been taking Adderall generic for several months now, so I know what that's like! Based on my experiences, I'm going to make some statements and you can take what you need from them. In no way am I assuming you will be exactly like this, of course!

- I too am a bitch, though not as much now as before. I realized most of my bitchy-ness stemmed from the fact that I wanted things to be different and no matter how hard I seemed to try, nothing ever changed. I had a particular vision of what my life was supposed to be like, what my family was supposed to be doing and if that bubble burst I would get very pissy! Perfectionism is a hallmark of ADD and you may find that you are doing something similar. Expecting your husband to say/do a certain thing, and then getting pissed when he doesn't exhibit ESP. :-) Same with friends, kids, family - no one is immune.

-The stress of life w/ undiagnosed ADD especially (imo from living it) is equivalent to what your body would feel like/go through after being productive - only your brain is different. You may spend all day taking care of something that reasonably should take an hour, then be insanely proud that you did it - only to have someone else go "That took you ALL DAY?!" Now, you've been invalidated and well, see #1. :-) My husband was great at that. Since we worked together and I was (still am) in charge of scheduling, customer calls, billing, etc. there were always things that didnt' get done. In my opinion, I was working my ASS off and couldn't understand how he could justify essentially sitting-back (this is my un-medicated ADD thinking) and letting me fail. I also felt like I was being taken advantage of because he expected me to do 'all the work' including raising our daughter who turned-out to have type 1 diabetes. That requires constant monitoring and multiple daily shots. Reasonably, he was gone all day doing work (he'd be out sometimes until after 9pm) and since I was home I was obviously going to be more on-top of our daughters care. But being in the fugue of my situation, I didn't see it that way. I saw a husband who sat on his ass unless he was out at a job and couldn't be bothered to ask me if I needed help or anything. Him constantly yelling at me and calling me stupid, lazy, selfish and a whole host of other unpleasant things didn't endear him to me much, either.

-A very hard thing to realize is that other people don't see your life and situation the way you do. My husband, for example. I would be happy when I accomplished something and his attitude was it should just be done - I wasn't five, I didn't get a cookie for doing something that just needed to be done. He would always bitch about me needing to 'grow-up' because I whined a lot (before therapy) and wanted everyone else to essential cater to me and my whims/percieved needs. I realize now that if I want others to allow me to do things, I also need to allow myself to do things. I have to take care of the routine stuff (clean, pay bills, daughter, business work) in order to feel justified in doing something else. I hardly had a life and no hobbies or anything because I was constantly trying to play 'catch-up' and constantly under stress from feeling like I was doing absolutely everything. From the sound of it, you might be doing the opposite. You may be forcing those around you to cater to what you think you are entitled to, and not compromising. It's hard to tell. I thought about driving away and just leaving my family, too. I couldn't take it my husband pissed me off so much! I had to learn, though, that he was only reacting to what I showed him. And what I was showing him was the picture of a spoiled brat complaining about how everyone else was making her life miserable.

No one can answer the thread question for you but you. I would say that if your husband isnt' willing to work on the marriage and thinks ADD is just an excuse you're waving-about to explain your selfish/lazyinsensitive/ego-driven (insert your own here) behavior, then you may have a case for "over". I would caution, however, that if indeed you do decide to leave and go with your new friend you still need to work on yourself and know what your limits are and what you will/won't do or accept. If you just huff-off with the attitude that you're being slighted by a jerk and you're the sane, rational one you'll end up in a movie remake. Different names, faces & location shots but underneath it all - the same basic theme/plot.

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I found myself laughing when I read that b/c that is exactly how I am. I am definitly a perfectionist. Everything has to be done a certain way, and if someone else tries to help out and doesn't do it the way I would do it, (which in my mind is the right way) I get soo pissed. I feel like I am the only one who does anything around the house and the only one who takes care of the kids. When I wake up I feed the kids breakfast before I do anything else. My husband however, doesnt feed them the mnute they all wake up so of course hes doing it wrong and gets bitched at for it.

My friend says I bitch about everything. Well...whine, complain and bitch. But I don't believe him. Just because I make a statement doesn't mean I am miserable. I could say "its cold in here"...and he says thats bitching. Maybe its the tone I am using or something but he says I act like I am unhappy and miserable all the time.

I find myself treating some people as though they aren't good enough for me. I reached the point of frustration with my husband that I seriously think he is just retarded and tell him that all the time. When I ask him to do something and he says "in a minute", i flip out. I didn't ask for it to get done in a minute, i wanted it done now. The reason I decided I wasn't happy with my marriage after I had my last child was because the way my life was, isnt the way I pictured my life would be. Its not what I wanted for myself. His retarded job, not giving me the money to pay the bills, not wanting me to work, and me waiting on everyone all day and night. I want a job, a partner in the relationship doing jsut as much to make it work as me. I don't want to do all the housework or be the only one tending to the kids. And my husband didn't see how that was a problem for me.

I blame my husband for what I didn't get to accomplish. I find myself always blaming someone else and I have an excuse for everything. Within a few days of being home my kids have already driven me to the point I want to tear my hair out. I always feel exhausted and run down like I have been on my feet all day.

When I do chores like the dishes, it takes me 30 min to do half a sink of dishes. It takes me like 4 hours to clean the whole apartment b/c I can't half-ass anything. Whats weird though is I can be soo lazy too. There are some things I will put off for as long as I can.

IDK. I have an appt. with the best counselor ever tomorrow morning. I am hoping he can help me figure some stuff out. I used to see him for years, then when I turned 18 I stopped seeing him. He understands me and has this way of talking to me and telling me things so that I understand. He doesn't tell me what I want to hear or sympathize with me, he tells what I need to hear.

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I think you need to really do some soul searching and be really honest with your self about what is going on. Children do add stress to marriage; but it not always easy to be married even if we didn't have them. Your friend what does he offer other than a place to stay and no kids. I think you will see something different in him and it may be love ; but you really need to clear your own head first. If your marriage is over (it seems you go back and forth and nothing changes) it may be over and sometimes tht is okay. You may have a better relationship with the kids if you are happy and more present when you are around.if you two seperate Sometimes the father is better for the kid if they are more stable in thie life and you be present for the little things as well as the big things. This going back and forth can confuse the kids and they can get very angry at the one who seems too be upsetting the apple cart. They also hate when we as parents are fighting. The longer you let this go on you will make it hard for you , your husband, and your kids.

I have a male friend who I love ; but he not the one I would tell my husband that I am leaving my home for. I would not want him to be hit with a break up of my maraige in my divorce.and my husband getting all ammunition he wants be careful with this if you decide to give up on your marriage. But I think you really need some alone time and figure yourself out.

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