Let me first apologize for the venting that is about take place. This is the only place that I felt comfortable to let it out.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD in Feb. 2009. Since then we've worked hard to help him through it in addition to the medication that he is taking. It has been a rough road but he is doing very well now and will be starting kindergarten in august which will start a whole new worry cycle for me. In our efforts to navigate the ADHD road with him and for him, I've come to the realization that I may have ADD. Looking back through my school years (elementary and high school) it makes sense now. I attempted college but failed - couldn't stay focused, lack of self-esteem, lack of motivation.

Our daughter, a wonderful surprise, was born in Sept. of 08. She had a few medical issues that arose around her 1 mo. birthday. about that time we started having major issues with my son and school (pre-k). my daughter and son's issues were hitting us (my husband and i) at the same time. the stress was unbelieveable! thank God our daughter's issues were resolved and, again, around the time our son was diagnosed with ADHD. some of the stress was off but again a new stresser was beginning in the form of finding the right avenue of treatment for my son. now that he is "settled" for the moment, i'm having a very difficult time of it. i, a legal asst., have alot of trouble focusing, proof reading, staying on task, it is beginning to really effect my work product my self-esteem. my house is a disaster (outside of the fact of being a working mom). it was never a tidy household but a little better than it is now. i truly feel like i'm sinking at both work and home. there is two rooms in the house which play "catch-all". i place things there to deal with it later. later never comes. after coming home, dinner, bedtime routine, i have no energy to do anything. i make plans with friends and then when the date approaches i search for reasons to get out of date. i'm in a constant state of worry, stress, inattention. i took a walk around the neighborhood the other evening and at one point realized that in the time it took me to walk 1/2 block my thoughts had run the gammet of work to kids, to home, to vacation, etc. at home, though there are many things that need to be done, i can't get past the doing the standard cleaning - the dishes, the laundry. i barely keep up with laundry. at work, my boss, i love him to death, is the most disorganized person in the world. doesn't help me!!!!! i try hard to focus with lists (both home and work) but either lose the list or other distractions. i read on a blog of a college person that they during her early school years that she knew something was wrong but her parents didn't think anything of it. when she first entered college, she researched her symptons and realized she was add. she described a symptom as feeling as if she were in a fog. a light went off for me!!! i have always felt that i was in some sort of a fog that if i could just get through the fog or barrier that i would be fine. i have an appt tomorrow and will speak with my dr. i understand, after going through the process with my son, that i will be referred to a ph.d. for an evaluation. problem. this costs money and we are tight right now. i've been researching ways to help myself, primarily my son, without the use of meds but i keep failing us both! i tried diet - i can't control my diet, my son has very few things that he will eat. i feel i do well in limited artificial ingredients but he needs more nutrition. the level in our household is approaching max. i briefly mentioned to my hubby about my thoughts and symptoms but i don't think he understands. other than my son, he take on everything is "deal with it". he didn't come out and say that but. soon after my daughter was born and during the chaotic times with my son before adhd came into the picture i talked to my dr about baby blues. he gave samples of a med which i began to take, i didn't mention it to my hubby at first because of his "deal with it" mentality. i finally broke down (in a vunerable moment) and told him. he seemed to understand. however, one morning i was just having a difficult time getting things together and was just very frustrated, over whelmed, etc and snapped at him. he responded by saying "take your pill" and left for work. from that point i haven't said a word . i refuse and now feel alone. i'm trying hard to stay afloat here but feel like i'm sinking. i could go on forever but -yep i'm at work and need to refocus on the task at hand.

a little release is good. i don't need a response (constructive criticism is welcome) just needed to vent.

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