I am new to this site and wished I had a clue 9 years ago. Your request for help perfectly described my four year old - except that she is so ODD that she would just climb out her window. It takes me several rounds to get her to respect the timeout and stay put. I am going nuts because I have three above average intelligent children - all of which seem to have their own form of ADHD (one diagnosed and two in the process). My best advice is be as "matter of fact" as absolutely possible. As for making more yes's - easier said than done when the critical time is always during moments of Mommy overstimulation. Try to pre plan the typical requests and make sure their tummys have at least something healthy in them. My children are especially "triggered" when they are even the slightest bit over tired and / or hungry. I still don't know how to evade the bedtime dilemmas though. Good luck. I'll be reading on...

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I think Artsymom is on to something -- you mention that he gets especially ornery after school. Have you tried an afternoon snack? Something healthy like yogurt, cheese, fruit, nuts might help.

I hope this helps.

Dena

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Trust us you are not the only one who has this problem, we also have a 10 year old who goes to same issues. We have tried the counting to 10 to get her to do stuff. Latley if she doesn't get done what is asked we tell her that going to her room will be for 10 minutes and if that don't work we got to using taken stuff away, like letting t.v. on to fall asleep, or going somewhere special. I know the T.V. is a no-no but if she doesn't watch it she will be up all night. She is so scared of bugs she won't go to sleep without a tv. Latley we have to make her remove a jacket she swears she needs to keep bugs away. We have made a checklist chart she must complete before she can get to do things like play outside. Quote:

HFXMOM said: Ok...I'm sure there are tons of other families going through the exact same thing right now, so please advise me on what I need to do......please. :o)

My son is 6 and was diagnosed with ADHD in January. We've been trialing him on meds, and so far have found one that is great! The only problem is he needs a topper at the end of the day and the Pediatrician won't give it, so, come the end of the school day my son gets very defiant, very "in your face". Guaranteed twice a day I have to physically carry him to his room for being disrespectful to me and other family members. I tell him to go to his room and I get told by my son in a very calm voice " no (pause), I don't have too". I give him the count of three and get told the same thing again. At that point, that's when I carry him. He doesn't kick and scream, however when I get him to his room and close the door that's when he screams. He doesn't kick, hit, bite or slap, just cries and cries and cries. He asked me a few weeks back why he can't be "normal" like the other kids. I told him he is normal, and to never let anyone tell him any different. My big thing right now is getting him to stop behaving like he is on a daily basis. Suggestion please. PS Waiting to hear back on parenting classes so I can learn to help him better.

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HFXMOM- I feel your pain. Here are some points to think about: -- Turning no's to yes's is a steep goal for your child with ADHD. As a parent of a child with ADHD, an educator in a school for children with ADHD, and an adult with ADHD, I can confidently say that you will hear the word no a million more times before your son even turns 12. Is saying no to an adult disrespectful? Sure. But I encourage you to focus first on physical compliance, rather than verbal compliance. Many a time, children have yelled back to me, "You're not the boss of me!" while they were doing exactly what I asked them to do. Choose your battles. -- Coming from a behavioral perspective, counting to 3, 5, 10 teaches a child that it is not necessary to comply the first 2, 4, or 9 times you ask them to do something. When you send your child to his room, do so matter-of-factly, without anger. When he doesn't go the first time, ask him, "Do you want to go on your feet or off your feet?" Explain that he can walk, or you can take him. Let him know he has 5 seconds to think about his choice and then you will choose for him. You would then pick him up and take him to his room and close the door with no extra communication. You can also say, "It looks like you're having trouble taking care of your body. I'm happy to help you." and immediately pick him up. If he struggles, put him down and say, "Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to walk?" (It is important to say these things sincerely without sarcasm.) If at any point your son goes on his own, you need to praise the snot out of him. I am not kidding. "Wow! Thanks for doing what I asked the first time! I can really tell you're growing up." or "Great job following directions! You must feel really proud of the good choices you're making." Do not get caught up in verbal back-and-forths with your child. My favorite thing to say is, "I love you too much to argue." -- It sounds like time-outs come fairly frequently for your son in the afternoons after school. I would encourage you to be proactive and urge your son to "take a break" when he becomes overly excited, frustrated, etc. Comment on his demeanor- "Hey, it looks like you're feeling frustrated. Is that true? Well, when I feel that way, it sometimes helps me to take a break...you know, get some water, walk the hall, or even just going to another room." Model this behavior for him. This may head off a few of the time-outs. -- It is also important to leave the past in the past. When the time-out is over, open his door, and, if he is still crying, say, "Thank you for staying in the room. We'd love you to come back and join us as soon as your body is calm/you feel up to it." Then leave the room. You could also say, "Hey, thanks for completing your time-out. You seem like you're feeling sad/angry/hurt. Do you want to talk about it?" Listen to what he says without making judgments, like "You can't be that upset" or "Well, what do you expect when you..." You can acknowledge and validate his feelings without accepting his previous behavior. -- I know I have already said too much, but I need to stress the importance of rewarding compliant behavior and enforcing consequences without anger or a lot of emotion. Remember, no child wants to fail and misbehavior is not personal. Your child's disability is his behavior, so be proactive and offer your son support by being consistent and giving him tools to help him get along in the world. And keep your head up! There is not a more perfect parent for your child than you.

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What a wonderful response! Thanks so much. I'm trying to learn as much as I can for my recently diagnosed 5 year old grandson. You didn't write too much at all. So many of us are grasping for straws looking for solutions to our problems. My 5 year old grandson weighs between 55-60 pounds. He's getting to the point where he's getting too heavy for me to pick up especially when he's punching me while I have him in my arms, but I still try. His biggest behavior problem is hitting, kicking, screaming when told no. He is on Vyvance once daily. Late afternoon and bedtime are nightmarish in our house - his mom and he live with me. He seems to have huge anger inside him - I don't know where it comes from. As a professional in this business, can you please explain a little about what the anger may be about and how to help him learn to control it. Any assistance you can give any of us would be greatly appreciated.

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According to the experts, kids with ADHD can be prone to anger and quick tempers. Because ADHDers tend to be impulsive, they have a harder time keeping their anger in check.

Exercise might help work out some of that aggressive energy. Gardening is a very calming activity and it is a great time of year to get out and dig in the dirt. I know it wears me out to garden.

Perhaps the best thing about using exercise to treat ADHD is it has no side effects!

I hope this helps. Dena

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