HI, YOUR DAUGHTER SOUNDS LIKE ME, WHEN I WAS HER AGE, & FOR ME IT TURNED OUT, THAT I HAVE A LEARNING DISABILITY, ADHD, & ASPERGERS. EVEN IF YOUR DAUGHTER HAS JUST A LEARNING DISABILITY, IT'LL NEVER GO AWAY, BUT IT MIGHT GET EASIER FOR YOUR DAUGHTER AS SHE GROWS UP, BUT THE LEARNING DISABILITY WILL NEVER GO AWAY, IT'S LIFE LONG.

IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER QUESTIONS, YOU CAN FEEL FREE TO CALL ME, AT 952-212-8670, & LEAVE ME A MESSAGE. MY NAME IS DANIELLE. THANK YOU, I HOPE THAT THIS HELPS A LITTLE.

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Keep in mind that almost half of those with ADD or ADHD also have a learning disability. Learning disabilities are usually determined by certain tests done by either the school or a private psychologist (most times the school is obligated to provide the testing if there is a problem, but not all schools are quick to do this--you may have to wait up to a year in some schools).

There are no tests that diagnose ADHD (contrary to what some will tell you--they are not reliable because they give many false positives and false negative results) but the determination is based on the child's history and involve questions and rating scales of the official symptoms. Several of your descriptions fit the inattentive type of ADD (ADHD without the hyperactivity). My daughter, who is 27, my teenage son and I all have the inattentive type. My husband has the combined type, which includes hyperactivity and impulsivity.

Daydreaming, difficulty following directions, trouble starting her homework are all symptomatic of ADHD (here on out I'll just use ADHD for either type, which is the official use anyways). Being fixated on one thing and not being able to let it go--I saw that frequently in my son and some others with ADHD. Quite a few of those with inattentive ADHD are shy and reserved, although this could also indicate anxiety (I was always shy and reserved and I have both). Procrastination is another symptom--my daughter and my sister both have severe symptoms of that. I have it as well, but not as severely as my sister. Being disorganized is another indicator. My daughter's room always looked like a tornado went through it, and my son's backpack, binders and desk at school were horrendous. His handwriting is awful too (some have that symptom but not all). Forgetting and losing things frequently is another classic symptom.

I didn't forget things quite so much (but i compensated with lists and reminders) but I could get lost easily. Don't expect me to remember how to get somewhere if I've never driven there myself and only been a passenger in the car. It doesn't matter if we had been there dozens of times. And if I ever had to describe what someone looked like if I had been a witness to an accident or crime, or the type or color of car they drove? Forget it. Unless there was something extremely unique, I couldn't tell you.

Whenever my son had a school project to do, it was a nightmare. Even though the teacher had the instructions written down on paper, he would just look at it and be overwhelmed. he didn't know what to do or where to begin. I had to help him every step of the way. (By the way, this has nothing to do with intelligence). Anything with multiple steps can be difficult for those with inattentive ADHD because of a problem many of them have with what is referred to as "working memory". I have that problem too. Don't tell me how to do something with multiple steps and expect me to remember. I have to write down each step.

I saw a dramatic difference in my son when he started medication. For one thing, he could finally do projects on his own and I didn't have to repeat requests numerous times. And he didn't fixate on certain things like he used to. And when I started medication (I was the last one to be diagnosed because I had a higher IQ and got good grades in school) I notice a big difference in my ability to remember and do things with multipe steps. My ability to write improved greatly as well. I was able to organize the thoughts in my head so much easier.

I hope some of this gives you a better idea of what inattentive ADHD can look like.

Elaine

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Thanks for your thorough answer. This is causing me much anxiety and I have cried several times over this. I just want answers, but I know I need to take it step by step and day by day. I see so much potential in my daughter, she is a sweet loving, incredibly artistic girl and I just want her to be happy. She has such low self esteem and says things like "I'm stupid" or "I hate myself." I have just today made an appt. with a highly recommended children's psychotherapist who is all to aware of children like my daughter. We see her next Friday since that is the only day I can get in, all 3 of my girls last weeks of school are next week and it is a crazy time!

I know in my heart that something is just not 'right' with her. It's not your typical day to day aggravations that children can display, these are major disruptions in our family life. I tend to lean towards the add rather than a learning disability, but agree with you that they can go hand in hand. I guess we will truly see what it is over the course of the summer. I am glad that school will be out and we can focus on this before she gets into 3rd grade, that is a tougher year academically and I want her to succeed.

Thanks again!

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Lovinsb,

It is definitely heartbreaking to see your child struggling and in pain. She is fortunate to have a mother who cares and is doing all she can to help. Your daughter has a bright future ahead of her. Fortunately, there have been a lot of advances in understanding and treatment of ADHD and related conditions, and there is much more help available today.

I want to commend you for making an appointment with a therapist and working through the issues. Your daughter is very fortunate that you are being proactive and dealing with it while she is still young. Her future is so much brighter because of that. It's when years and years go by and issues go unnoticed or ignored, that life becomes more difficult. Both my husband and I (who were each only diagnosed at 45 and 47) wonder how our lives might have been different had the ADHD been diagnosed and treated when we were children.

My son was almost 11 when he was diagnosed and my daughter was 20 (she began to suspect it after her brother was diagnosed). I felt bad when I thought of all the arguments and fights we had had over the years (about messy rooms, procrastination, bad grades, etc.) that were due to ADHD symptoms in part, that might have been avoided had we all known what the source of the problem was. You have the opportunity to avoid many frustrating years and academic difficulties by recognizing and dealing with whatever the problem is now, while she is still young. In that respect, your daughter is very lucky.

Some suggestions I have from all that I have learned in the past 7 years. Educate yourself about ADHD--there is so much to learn. Try to get your information from reliable sources--proven scientific studies and medical associations or doctors who are trained and experienced in treating ADHD, organizations like this one and CHADD (an advocacy group for children and adults with ADHD--they have a lot of helpful and accurate information and have support groups throughout the country--see www.chadd.org ), and reputable authors. Some of the authors that I respect (and are authorities on the subject) are Russell Barkley, Thomas Phelan, Edward Hallowell and John Ratey, and Thomas E. Brown. Also, if you want to focus on how ADHD is presented in girls and women (since much of the research has been done on hyperactive boys), some of the experts in this area are Patricia Quinn, Kathleen Nadeau, and Sari Solden. There are also books focused on teenagers, adults, etc. I've read more than 3 dozen books and I have learned something new from every book I have read, some more helpful than others.

If you don't have a lot of time to read or don't like to read that much, there is one book that I highly recommend for its easy to find information and helpful resources. It is called, "The ADHD Book of Lists" by Sandra Rief. It is definitely a must have in my opinion. It summarizes a lot of information into lists and bullet points and has a ton of practical and helpful information. If you can't find the book in your bookstore, I know it is available at www.chadd.org.

Also, you need to be proactive and don't give up. Sometimes a therapist or doctor isn't helping or a particular treatment or medication isn't working or is causing other problems. A change in medication or doctors can sometimes make all the difference, if something still isn't right. Even experts can sometimes be wrong or not be up-to-date on the latest information. The more I read and learn (not to mention all of the personal experience I've had), the more I realize there is to know. There still needs to be a lot more research and study done on females and inattentive ADHD. Sometimes what is reported or recommended does not apply in the same way to those with inattentive ADHD. Adults need to be looked at more too, since most of the studies were based on children. I read of one study on children with a particular type of inattentive ADHD (known as SCT but that's another story) and one of the assumptions made was that perhaps these particular children were just not that bright. I found that comment both upsetting and amusing. Since children can't articulate as well in describing their symptoms, it can lead to faulty assumptions. I happen to have the SCT symptoms and my IQ is well above normal. My neighbor has the same symptoms of SCT (he's been diagnosed with ADHD) and may appear "not too bright" at times to the average individual but his IQ is over 180!!

As you can tell, I could go on and on. Even my kids roll their eyes and say, "Don't get her started on talking about ADHD" because they know I won't shut up. And believe it or not, I am actually rather shy and not one to speak up, especially in a group. But I do have my subjects that I am passionate about--exposing the myths and educating others about ADHD (and some other related psychological conditions that I won't start on) being one of the more prominent ones.

Take care and let me know how your appointment goes next Friday with the psychotherapist.

Elaine

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Feeling stupid is quite common with those who have ADHD. My sister and I had many conversations about this. She and I figured out that she had the inattentive ADHD at the same time I was being diagnosed. She lives in another state and was already seeing a psychiatrist for depression. She told him she believed she had ADHD but he told her he didn't really know that much about it. He did treat her for the ADHD but she had to inform him about it--unfortunately many females with depression have comorbid ADHD but it usually goes unrecognized.

Anyways, back to my point. My sister and I had both felt that we were stupid at times even though we knew we weren't. There were just some things that we had difficulty with or couldn't get, that others seemed to be able to do without a problem. And she happens to be a pharmacist and was valedictorian of her high school graduating class! Yet she felt stupid.

Even my doctor had told me that once I started medication, I would see just how smart I really was. That was definitely how I felt. Even though I loved to read, sometimes I had to read a page several times to comprehend it all (when it was technical or a text, not novels) yet when I started the medication, I found I could comprehend what I read so much easier and quicker. Would have saved me countless hours in college.

Thomas Edison was labeled a dunce in school and his mother ended up taking him out of school and homeschooling him. He was also believed to have a learning disability (there's a great excerpt about this in the ADHD book, "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Crazy, or Stupid" by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo) and yet he created the light bulb. Einstein, who supposedly failed second grade, was also believed to have had ADHD, as was Ben Franklin.

Okay, I have things I need to do so I'll go now.

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Hi,

Well I can tell for sure you are not stupid at all! You are very articulate and I appreciate all you have done to help me out. Samantha (that's my daughter) is not slow or stupid either. She is very artistic, has incredible handwriting, a terrific vocabulary and loves to write stories. However, she does not really enjoy reading stories and I think that is where the lack of comprehension comes in from the ADHD, if that is indeed what she has. I think she tries to overcompensate in ways which lead to more anxiety and depression because she has to try too hard on certain things. She's just not like other girls in her class or at school and she knows this, which leads to even more anxiety and depression.

I am so glad that I am now going to get her some help. I am going to be her champion over the summer and will do everything I can to get a diagnosis before she heads into 3rd grade. I'm so hoping that she can overcome all her problems and become a more strong, confident young girl. I see so much confidence in other girls and it makes me sad to not see it in Samantha. I know they also pick on her, but she has trouble telling me about it because I think she's embarrassed. Sometimes I've thought of pulling her out of public school and putting her in a different environment like Waldorf, she can knit all day long there! No, I'm just joking around a bit. She'll stay in public school because I know it's a great place for her and everyone is there to help, it's the one school in town that I know has wonderful and caring teachers.

I'll let you know how the meeting goes next Friday. First it is just my husband and I so the therapist can have us fill out forms, get a sense of our family life, etc...

Have a great weekend!

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In your quest for information and education, here are a few articles from experts on the ADDitude website that may come in handy as your work to help your daughter.

Identifitying Learning Disabilities: Is it LD or ADHD?

And some articles related to helping her with self esteem:

How to Boost Your ADHD Child's Self Esteem

How to Foster Creativity and Confidence in Your ADHD Child

Building Confidence in Children with ADHD

Good luck Dena

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Don't beet yourself up. Everyone has to start somewhere. Keep researching and pushing. For us the public school system has not been that great of a help. Not to discourage you, but to give you a heads up. They have to answer to the public for how they spend their money so you may have to push a little to get things done. We did. Because of their delays in testing her for learning disabilities, we have decided to see a new psychologist who will be doing about 3 hours of testing with her over the summer so hopefully we will be able to tell if there is a learning disability in addition to inattentive ADD or just one or the other. Fortunately since she has the diagnosis of ADHD most of this should be covered by our health insurance. Keep asking questions and keep looking for answers. We are two years into this and still going. Also, don't look at meds as a permanent treatment. My husband and I were very hesitant to make the decision to try meds. IN the end I had to look at it like this; Madison wants to fit in and be a normal kid, if the meds give her the ability to get closer to that then we have to at least try it. Also, as they get older they will be able to understand more and put coping mechanisms into effect that might make meds unecessary or not needed as often. Not sure if you pray, but that has helped too. Hang in there ;o)

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I also was a lot like how you described your daughter and it also turned out that I have Aspergers and A.D.D as well as learning disabilities. You may want to get her assessed for A.S at some point.

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