Yikes. I bet you are tired. Sounds like your son knows how to get out of his homework. Have you considered a tutor? Maybe if he is accountable to someone else who isn't so worn out (and isn't his parent) he will be a little more compliant.

It sounds like you have tried a few different tricks, but you might get a few more ideas from this article: Homework Help! A System That Works for ADHD Children

I hope this helps. Dena

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The education system has completely swamped children with homework. I watch grade school students carry backpacks that are as large as those carried by mountain hikers. For ADHDers of any age, homework is a dirty word.

At eleven years old, children should be spending more time exploring the mysteries of life instead of having worthless information rammed into their brains so teachers can satisfy the ludicrous requirements of The No Child Left Behind Act. I rarely brought any additional work home when I was in fifth grade. Now, eleven year old children are devoid of outside time in order to assimilate this deluge of needless information.

When an ADHD child is forced to sit still at a desk throughout a school day, it is natural for them to want to release pent up energy. This goes for other children as well. Maybe the system needs changing instead of the prescribing mind altering drugs mantra that has turned ADHD children into mindless zombies.

Don

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Something that helped for me in late elementary school and middle school, put in place by my therapist at the time was a half hour/hour of free time right after school, where I could do whatever I wanted. For me, it was being able to spend an hour on the computer, but it could be videogames or something else for your child. No one was allowed to talk to me for any reason during this hour. No asking how my day was, no chores, no nothing. After that hour was up, it was much easier for me to settle down and get things done, be it home or schoolwork, but I really needed some time to relax from the overstimulation of school

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I've been through this with my kids too. It's awful. And you try so hard to get your kid to do the work and still feel like the school is blaming you for not making your kid do it.

Eventually, in our case, we had the doctors telling us to lay off, that our relationships with our daughters were suffering. They were both also suffering from symptoms of anxiety. Of course the school didn't like that edict at all.

A few thoughts;

Might your son also have learning disabilities?

Does he need a bit more medication in the late afternoon to carry him through homework?

Does your son have an IEP? You can try documenting the amount of time and difficulty he has with his work and demand modification of his homework.

Is he able to do his work for someone else? If he can complete his classwork in school and only rebels at home, then he might be able to focus on it with a tutor or homework coach of some sort. It might not have to be a highly paid special ed tutor, but maybe a high school or college student could work with him at the public library or other site away from home.

Perhaps you could even work out a deal where he does his homework at school, after class or during lunch. My kids actually preferred eating lunch with their teachers if it meant they didn't have to do work at home.The structure and cues of doing the work at school enabled them to do more.

I think you should make an effort to work with your son's teacher so that she knows that you're working on the problem. But be firm on the amount of time you're willing to sacrifice to his homework. If he's in 6th grade, give him an hour of time to sit in his homework area. If he hasn't done any of it, then when the time is over. Move on to your other family activities.

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Obviously going through THAT kinda routine everyday can be tiresome.

Well, my suggestion is how about you strike a bargain with your child. A bargain to motivate him. You could set a reward for him.

Like for example, you could tell him that if he does his homework, you'll allow him an hour or two extra to play on his computer or his X-box.

you know you mentioned "arguing" well there is not point in that. children get you in an argument to harass you so you can leave them alone. instead what you should do is state your term, your bargain and walk away. that's it! don't get caught up in battles. keep your ego issues aside if they talk back. you're the adult, you're to act in a mature manner.

state your term and WALK AWAY!!

So....I guess that's it from me, Happy bargaining!!

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I have been facing the same issues with my 10 year old son. He hasn't started shredding his homework, but it is definitely a stressful time for both of us.

Part of the problem is I work full time, get home around 5:15- have to cook dinner, clean up, then homework. We don't start until around 7:00 PM and he is so tired. My husband does a lot of traveling with his job so I am basicaly on my own. When my husband IS in town he tries to help but gets frustrated and ends up just giving our son the answers.

His homework load isn't that huge right now, only about 1 worksheet a night for math, However, it takes almost 1 hour to get it done.

I also am so tired of arguing and reminding. We both are so frustrated. The homework is a reflection on what they have done in school, he should be able to do it on his own. I am trying to give him more accountablility with his homework stating that I will help him starting at say, 7:00 PM. If he doesn't come down (after calling him SEVERAL times) then I will not help him and he is on his own.

The problem is, he doesn't care. He will just turn in an incomplete assignment. I can't let him fail out, but I am tired of fighting.

Good luck! It is good to know I am not the only one struggling with this. I also have a 7 year old daughter who has a bit of a LD with reading. So between the 2 of them I am ready to pull my hair out. A tutor is not an option as I cannot afford that at this time.

Hang in there. Perhaps talking about the frustrations that you both have and having him come up with suggestions on how to work it out might help.

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To 'his mum' - i wish i had answers. my son will be 14 in a few weeks. 8th grade. has been essentially straight A student (since starting meds in 4th grade). still has mostly good grades, but the arguing daily has just gotten old. everyday he says he has no homework, or that he does it in study hall. he used to be the type to get homework done as soon as he got home, so he could do 'nothing'. been dealing w/ this behavior since he was at least 5. it just gets worse - hormone changes, the smart-mouth replies get even meaner and/or wittier. his answer these days 'make me', 'i don't care', or he just laughs and walks away. i can't MAKE him do anything. counseling didn't work well. every suggestion, i've tried. every book, article, forum has great suggestions for discipline,etc. but they only work with kids who actually listen/respect their parents. To d.r. johnson - doc told me to 'lay off' give him 1-2 hrs. after school before asking him to do anything, or to let him play ps3. so, i do that, and after 2,3,4,...hours, he still hasn't done anything i've asked. i can't even get a request out of my mouth good before he is yelling/screaming he will 'do it later'. and later turns into day after day. example: i fold clothes and ask him to put his away. "i will' is the answer for about 2-3 days until i can't stand looking at the clothes on the couch anymore! it is hard to choose your battles. 'his mum' - i feel for you, and i'm glad to know i'm not the only one dealing with these behaviors. it sure feels lonely sometimes when all the other moms at your kid's school looks at you like you're crazy if the subject of behavior comes up, and i tell them how he really is. if you find answers, please post!

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