I'm an older mom so I don't care anymore what other people think. I've sat in a Food Court at a mall while my son was kicking and screaming on the floor. People walked by, some laughed in understanding. I let him cry it out, then I'd comfort him and pick him up & hug him. It took me a VERY long time to stop personalizing HIS behavior. ADHD is a serious neurological disorder and it's not his fault that he has it. Over the years I've come to understand the disorder more and see my child for the beautiful, smart, talented boy he is. He does get tired of consequences and they're followed by long periods of cooperation. The other day he said "Why don't you just get rid of me?" I answered, "Because I love you very much and won't give up on you." I didn't know where that response came from but he loved it and a smile crossed his face. I try to validate him a often as I can, and praise him. This is a very tough road but with love in your heart, understanding of the disorder & support if you can get it, you and your child will be ok. A small dose of Ritalin after school stops the rebound effect too!! Best wishes...(He is 11 1/2)

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ZaxMom has a wonderful point. You need to discipline . . . but you also need to remind your child that he is loved. I love reading these positive stories.

I'm sure that your son's ODD keeps you on your toes, discipline and behavior modification take a lot of time and energy.

A re-evaluation of his ADHD medication might help.

Also, if you haven't read this article about ODD and Parenting Your Defiant Child, you may want to give it a read. It offers some stories you can relate to, as well as solutions to minimizing the ODD behavior.

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I too have a son(8) who has all the same issues you are experiencing! He argues with me over everything!! The use of bad words as instensfied 100% esp. when he gets angry or frustrated which is often! I am not even able to try to reason with him as he begins to scream at me to just stop talking! He is on 30 mg. of Vvyyanse which keeps him calm at school but the minute he walks in the door it all disappears and it does not end until he is asleep! Simple tasks and errands become a major battle! On the flip side, he needs someone with him to play all the time! Constant attention is warranted and if he does not get it, he annoys and whines and so on until you are worn down! Help, easy for someone to say discipline and love but it ain't that easy!

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It's not easy to parent our children, but just know that things will get better and one day, he'll be a great adult. Try to focus on the good things he does/says (however miniscule) . I gave my 13 year old daughter a nightly "job chart" so that she could earn something she wanted. Mind you the "jobs" are things I do routinely whenever I'm there, but for her, it's something she could accomplish and feel proud of. Some "jobs" are checking that we have toilet paper in stock, the dryer/dishwasher is empty (and simply informing me - not unloading it), or placing a bottle of water in the fridge. She has done this for 30 days straight and earned 3 new iTunes downloaded songs. (10 days=1 download). It's an opportunity to have something to compliment and catch her being good. I can't tell you that this works miracles, but slow & steady wins the race and we have to take baby steps to develop responsibility and better behavior. It's a slow process, but it'll get better. Keep breathing and know that other parents support you. Take personal breaks when you need it because a calm mother can better deal with any situation. Best of luck.

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I was amazed to read the posting from " whataretheodds"...my 11 year old son does EXACTLY the same thing....and I thought it was a battle I have been fighting alone...actually I wasn't sure if it was the ADHD or if it was behavioural...what do we do..and where do we go for help????...meds dont seem to help..it is easy to say love them and hug them, but it is not so easy when it is a battle 24/7 ( sometimes to the point of causing tears for me and my younger son)..and to say it will get better in time...I dont want to rush him through his childhood waiting for it to pass..... There has to be help somewhere !!

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Our son was not diagnosed until the beginning of his freshman year of highschool with ADHD (inattentive) and he too back talks-more so towards his father. They have always gone round and round but has seemed to have gotten worse in the last few years. Some of it I think is just the teenager type stuff but I also see where our son can't turn himself off from it and keeps pushing. Deep down I also think my husband also has ADHD but has for the most part learned to deal with it. But when one of them back talks - its like having two kids-if I can get one to stop for a minute and step back to cool off then they can go back to the HOT subject and deal with it better. I finally found a different doctor through our local university (teached education dept) - we are hoping some new insite will help. Our family doctor deals with the medication end but I don't think he really gets the entire picture. Ask your doctor or find a different one just for a different opinion and helpful suggestions.

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A lot of it is kids' independence talking and it is worse with ADD/ADHD kids. People see it as ODD, if we stopped treating our children as 'little adults' and realize that they are children, we might actually be able to help some of this. I have found in the past year that celebratecalm. com has some wonderful ideas for getting these things to be better. We, as parents, expect too much in the wrong ways for our children and take everything they say, do and are to heart. We are NOT our children and should STOP treating them and their behavior as if we are. Some of the things in celebratecalm.com are that we should give children the knowledge to take responsibility for themselves and grow out of taking ourselves for them. When they understand and realize they are responsible for their actions, it can make a difference in their lives as well as yours. Go the cite, read some of the newsletters. If you can afford it, get the CD's and attend the workshops. I haven't gotten CDs and no workshops close enough to my town/city, but when I can I will be getting them. Some of the attitudes of my child have softened when I hand him the responsibility and let it go. I feel a little better too because he doesn't yell as much or have tantrums or stomp off. We have better conversations, better understandings. At least some of the time. He's been ADHD since birth, diagnosed at 4.8 yrs. of age and is now 17.

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I to have a son that gives me a run for my money. He is 9 and the size of a 13 year old. He has severe ADHD. The outburst sometime are so extreme, if I push or try and punish doing a meltdown alot of things get destroyed. I have learned to walk away and when he cools down great child better attitude. We were at grocery store the other day and I ride a motorcycle he wanted to eat something before we got home told him it was getting dark and we would be home in a minute please wait he got angry and decide he was not going anywhere this went on for about a good 25 min. then he calmed down and apolgized it is such a roller coaster ride.I hope it get better because. I always feel like I am walking on eggshells. And I know I have to learn not to take things so personally but it is a real hard thing to do. I have a saying to discribe my son he has the heart the size of Texas and the horns to go with it.

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I to have a son that gives me a run for my money. He is 9 and the size of a 13 year old. He has severe ADHD. The outburst sometime are so extreme, if I push or try and punish doing a meltdown alot of things get destroyed. I have learned to walk away and when he cools down great child better attitude. We were at grocery store the other day and I ride a motorcycle he wanted to eat something before we got home told him it was getting dark and we would be home in a minute please wait he got angry and decide he was not going anywhere this went on for about a good 25 min. then he calmed down and apolgized it is such a roller coaster ride.I hope it get better because. I always feel like I am walking on eggshells. And I know I have to learn not to take things so personally but it is a real hard thing to do. I have a saying to discribe my son he has the heart the size of Texas and the horns to go with it.

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