Well on Friday Jeremy & I handed over our two thousand dollar down payment on our trailer . Our mortgage man said that it would about two @ most three weeks & we would be moving to our new trailer . This is a major step for Jeremy & I , considering the fact that we saved up for 5 yrs , putting a little bit of money every month out of our checks . Jeremy & I have been dreaming about this moment in our relationship for a very very very long time & now that it has come , it's so nice to know that we worked for it , we saved up , yes it took us 5 yrs but we did it and now we get to look forward to opening a new chapter in our life . Our mortgage man said that some time in the next week or two we will be signing the paper work making it official , that Jeremy & I have purchased our first home together .

As I open up a new chapter of my life , @ the same time I am closing another chapter in my life . Making the decision to relinquish my rights to William is far from an easy decision . I do not know of any mother that would want to make this type of a decision , how ever for me it has to be this way . Could I have decided to take this through yet another court trial , having family member's & the people whom I'm close to testify in my behalf , yeah I could have decided to do all that but what would it accomplish . My family has been through so much in the last 9 months, first loosing my uncle & then two weeks ago loosing my grand mother . Yes If I really wanted to I could leave Jeremy & try to fight to get William back , but here is the thing , what would all that do to him , my sweet William has already been through so much in the last 5-6 yrs . William is happy where he is at , he's happy with the foster family that he is with , the last thing I want to do is to disrupt his life , he's happy and as long as he's happy I am thankful . The other reason why I do not want to go back through another court trial is simply because our justice system here in NC ( Buncombe county) is incredibly unfair & dirty , our DSS system is just as dirty and unfair . Do I feel that legally speaking I was done wrong , yes I do - I do feel as tho Jeremy & I were judged unfairly & were never given an equal opportunity to prove our selves wrong , yes I Do . I do feel as tho my justice system let me down . I feel as tho the state of NC in which I live has major let me down , judged me simply because I am ADD & my partner has a past criminal record , judged him simply because of his ADHD / Bipolar / OCD status , labeling him a dangerous person who has mental issues , drug issues and is unfit to be around any child . Yeah I do feel as tho I have burnt on both sides , only when I was just trying to be the best mother I knew how to be , I got taken advantage of by some one whom i was incredibly close to & had a sisterly relationship with , and in turn , that cost me my baby boy. DSS nor the court know me the way my family & Jeremy's family knows me , William is always going to be my son , I will always be his mother , no body can ever change that . All I can do is love him enough to let him go and it's meant to be , he will come back to me one day , I pray that when he's grown that William won't resent me and he won't think that I abandoned him , because that was not the case .

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