I had the same issue with my step-mother (sm). Since my daughter was a toddler, my stepmother had issues with her citing my daughter's hyperactivity. While my nieces and nephews generally had the run of the place while visiting my parents, my daughter was definitely treated cruelly and as if she were a bad child. My daughter seemed indifferent toward the discrimination but it definitely hurt me.

I discussed my observations and feelings with my step-mother and told her that my daughter couldn't help it but was met with an eye-opening response: my daughter and my stepmother were just not on the same speed and it racked my stepmother's nerves to be around my hyperactive child. She said she wished she felt differently but being around my kid was just too stressful. My stepmother equated it by noting the difference between having a calm dog sitting on your lap and licking your face once in a while, and watching a small yappy dog buzz non-stop around the house. My stepmother is lap-dog speed and just didn't have the emotional energy to be around the yappy dog. Of course, my daughter wasn't a dog but the analogy held up.

I could tell she didn't enjoy telling me this but was thankful she was honest. Saddened by what she said, I understood where she was coming from, and ultimately made the decision that visits to my parents would be very brief, friendly, purposeful, and during a time when my daughter was at her quietest, or at a place where her energy could be expended at a distance.

Part of the lesson to my daughter during the few years since is that different people like different things but that no one loves her any less. My stepmother can appreciate my daughter more from a distance now, and my daughter has no clue that there was ever an issue with her at all.

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