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Thread : Anger Issue(s)  
11 May 2009 @ 9:29 PM
chemistry_chef Join Date: Tue 12th Feb 2008
Threads: 2 Posts: 1
Anger Issue(s)

Hi all, newbie here, also an avid ADDitude reader. Got a question...

I was diagnosed with ADHD and "non-specific LD" when I was in the fourth grade. It took me until college to be able to accept that I just didn't have a handle on a lot of things that "normal" people do, like strong emotions and how to make friends, and I was also able to accept that getting help is not weakness. What I can't seem to get the hang of though is coping with anger. I tend to hold things in so I can "keep the peace" and not cause unrest, but I know that doesn't do anyone any good either because then I'm just suppressing my feelings and setting the stage for a blow-up later on. It's exceedingly difficult for me to say how I feel or say "no" to people, because I wind up feeling guilty for it, like I made a faux-pas by expressing myself, so I just put on a face and act like things are ok. Then as time goes on it just builds up and builds up inside me until all anyone has to do is look at me wrong and off I go. How do I nip this in the bud? I'd like just once to allow myself to make people unhappy sometimes.

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Last edited by chemistry_chef : 11 May 2009 @ 9:35 PM. Reason: re-wording the post
12 May 2009 @ 10:11 AM Reply # 1
ADDitude Editor Join Date: Mon 12th Jan 2009
Threads: 2 Posts: 258
Anger Issues

Good for you for recognizing this quality in yourself and taking steps to manage your anger issues. Anger issues and ADHD sometimes go hand-in-hand because ADHD adults aren't exactly the best at impulse control. Experts also blame low self-esteem and hypersensitivity for ADHD adults' short tempers. As an avid ADDitude reader, you may have already seen these articles. If not, check them out. They offer some helpful advice on taming your temper.

Anger Management 101

Nine Tips for Chilling Out

Anger Management Tips for ADHD Adults

I hope this helps, Dena

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13 May 2009 @ 9:50 AM Reply # 2
M.E. Join Date: Wed 13th May 2009
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Anger Issue Suggestion

Chemistry_Chef, one of the simplest things to do about this is also the most difficult. (And I know your anger issue intimately!!!) It's about telling the truth all day, every day. That's not the difficult part, though.

The difficult part is keeping a rein on impulse-control to not "blurt" the undiplomatic truth. Learning to pause long enough to frame an appropriate response pays off immediately.

Best to you!

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13 May 2009 @ 2:14 PM Reply # 3
Esther Join Date: Thu 20th Nov 2008
Threads: 0 Posts: 2
Anger/Guilt

Hi I, all too well understand. I recently read a great book that really helped me understand these issues with myself. I'm not a big promoter of self help books (as I buy them and never read them), but I read this book because it made sense and it helped me, breathing techniques mostly, and anti-guilt, anger issues. The book is called "The Presence Process" by Michael Brown. It also helped me to not worry so much about the past, or the future and what people are going to think of me. I'm a middle child and want everyone to go status quo and take to heart (ridiculously) what people think. Best of luck! - Esther

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17 May 2009 @ 6:05 PM Reply # 4
cc1234 Join Date: Thu 11th Dec 2008
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anger issues

Hello

i keep things in lso. Instead of keeping things in until you explode find a good counselor at the college disability office to confide all your issues to. Or if not a counselor a co-worker that you feel comfortable with.

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17 May 2009 @ 11:13 PM Reply # 5
Keith Bailey Join Date: Tue 24th Mar 2009
Threads: 7 Posts: 46
Move forward

One of the best books I have read is "The Purpose Driven Life." In it, Pastor Rick Warren talks about what motivates people. He lists five things, one of them being anger/resentment. As another poster wrote, you have to move forward and not rehash the past. Pastor Warren writes the same advice. Resentment and anger will eat you up, draining you of energy and unleashing unnecessary wrath.

You cannot change the past. Forgive those that hurt you, and make sure you stay as far away from them as possible. I know much about anger; it drove my life for years because of hoe I felt slighted by those who ridiculed my undiagnosed ADHD. So, I moved on and wrote a book about my experiences.

You need an outlet besides lashing out.

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4 Jun 2009 @ 10:25 PM Reply # 6
Graywulf Join Date: Thu 17th Apr 2008
Threads: 0 Posts: 30
Anger issues - another side

I'm also a person who has had HUGE anger issues. Though part of mine are hormonal, not PMS, but PMDD which accentuates ADHD negatives, but I actually found a good deal of my so called anger issues were not anger but frustration caused by many things. The frustration I felt was being expressed as anger. As the frustrations mounted, my temper got worse. I've woken up so angry, not at any one thing or person, that I couldn't talk to anyone. I bottled it up so I didn't explode on some innocent person. I swear, at times it was like riding in the back seat of an out of control car (because there was no driver in control) and I couldn't get to the driver's seat to steer away from the behaviour. I normally found a part of myself standing on the sidelines in horror as I went out of control.

I found after diagnosis, a lot of the really nasty things I'd done in one of these rages came flooding back. Things I'd buried because I wanted to disown the behaviour. It took a while to accept that that was me, but at a time when I didn't understand what was happening, and eventually forgave myself. I know with the medication, and the rest of my life changes, things have balanced out, and I realize just how far I've come from those times.

The one thing I can offer you is, try to understand where the anger is coming from, what is causing it and if you can try to deal with it as other have suggested. Above all else, realize you are human. You are not perfect and this is one of your weaknesses. Forgive yourself, and try to learn to deal with it differently. If you can pinpoint what sets you off, then you may be able to actually control it, and even head off the rage. For me, one of the big stressors in my life is time. A perceived lack of it, will put me into a tail spin so bad, my temper starts to rise, and I'm on the verge of an anxiety attack. But knowing that, when I start down that road, I recognize what the issue is, and find ways to deal with it.

If nothing else, talk to someone else, who can if nothing else, give you a different perspective on the situation, and possibly even suggest (or spark an idea for you) another way to deal with the situation that you hadn't considered, because you couldn't see it.

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