Sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. My 7 year old is ADHD with ODD. She's threatened us with knives but never stabbed anything but the kitchen table. Last Tuesday, it got to the point that her psychologist recommended hospitalization but we haven't tried many medications yet so I asked to try another med before we take her to the hospital. She put my daughter on Abilify which is not yet approved for ODD but they are working on getting that approval. so far it's working. we went from constant all day long screaming, growling and fighting when she's home to only one significant tantrum in a week at which point we increased the dose. Of course, my daughter is already in school and she does not have the outbursts at school yet so I'm not sure she's as severe as your son. But if you haven't tried abilify, it would be worth trying. Otherwise, you may need to look at letting him go to a children's psychiatric hospital so they can get him regulated on medication. It'll give you a break and in the long run will help him.

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Thank you so much! I'm going to call his doctor when I get out of school today. His doctor has suggested that I take him to the crisis centers at local hospitals on multiple occassions...I'm afraid that's what I'm going to have to do...long story short, I've called them a few times to make sure that they would take my son because he is so young. They basically told me that if they admitted him that they would have to admit me too because as a parent bringing a small child into a crisis center that I'm obviously in need of some sort of treatment if I cannot handle my child. They made me feel sooo awful that I couldn't take him. Plus, they told me that if he and I were admitted that nobody would be able to come see us or contact us for 72 hours...I wouldnt even be able to see my son who could be right down the hall for 72 hours. I've looked into a nearby center, its called the Anderson Center, and they deal with wide range of situations. I'm HOPING that they have room or that the waiting list isn't too long to get him in, because I know that all of this has to be bothering him as much as it bothers us (somewhere..deep down...maybe in his little toe lol) I feel bad putting him on medication, but I have no choice. He's currently on Vyvanse 40mg once a day and he's constantly chewing on his tongue! He's been on lower doese of this medication and it didn't effect him at all! The first medication we tried was FocalinXR, started off at 10 mg and went all the way up to 60mg...no response what so ever with that medication. Ritalin gave him HORRIBLE nightmares and he shook all the time! His doctor says that the next medication to try if his behavior continues to not improve/slow down on the ADHD side is Adderol....now I've been told that Vyvanse is the "non addicting" form of adderol because of the way that it metabolizes in the liver. I don't want my son on adderol...long story short...as a teenager my friends had this drug and their grades were great! Trying to impress my parents with good grades after being a horrible student, I tried their medication. Within days of taking it I was hooked! My grades were great, I had a ton of energy and was happy all the time......but I got to the point (granted I didn't need the medication) that I didn't want to get out of bed without taking the pill (within a matter of a week or two from the first time I took it!!) I know that sounds soo horrible of me, but as a junior in high school I MADE my parents put me into a rehab center because I was scared about how I was feeling and I knew what I was doing was sooo wrong! I'm afraid that my son will like the way that medication makes him feel, just as I did.....even though he needs the medication. I know I shouldnt let my fears of what he will like/not like determine his treatment....but with that medication I cant get those fears out of my head. I've heard that a lot of older teenagers/young adults that have been on Adderol end up taking cocaine because it has the same type of effect but a "better" feeling....and I don't want to chance that with my baby! What are other ADHD medications that we could suggest to his doctor if we end up having to take him off the Vyvanse???

Just a little side note...this have gotten sooo bad in my home that I'm hitting road blocks getting him into regular psychiatrists/psychologists. They either don't take the state insurance or dont take children his age. I've had days where I'm just tired of the fighting, the constant battles, and get tired of being a mom all together! I've even called nanny911 and supernanny...but after the phone interview, I backed out on their help because I didn't want my crazy home on national tv. Selfish I know, but I have been pretty good at making our family look "normal" and "happy" for the most part in public....I even emailed Dr Phil over this past weekend. Is it normal for a mom/dad who deals with these types of issues to just want to give up on being a parent? Have you ever been so ready to give up that you wish you weren't a parent? All of this is seriously taking it's toll on me, my husband, our daughter, and like I said earlier it has to take some sort of toll on my son. I'm grasping at straws coming to this site and in desperate need of help!

If any of you reading this have advice that you'd rather email to me than post on this blog, my email is aroberts5909@comcast.net Maybe even having a "friend" to email and talk to would do a world of good for me. Having someone who understands...

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My son was at the same age when he first started hitting me. He would get me down on the ground and just hit me. I was so ashmed. I got him into a therapist and he was put on Tennex. This is a blood thinner for adults, but it is given to children with ADHD and ODD to help stop the explosions. It takes about a week or two to get into their body. The other added benefit is it helps them sleep. Our son was to the point, that he would just laugh in your face if you tried to whip him. We had to increase the Tennex over the years. However, this year, we have started taking him off some of it as he is just getting better at control his anger. We got a trampoline when he was 7 and I required him to spend at least 30 minutes a day on it and if I thought he needed longer, I would get on with him. By the time, he was done he was so wore out, he didn't have time the anger. We had outbursts every now and then, but they usually only happened at home.

I've taken everything out of his room and put it in the attic. Although, he's progressed over the years, he doesn't talk freely and every now and then he will have a spill, but I just tell him you hurt me and explain why I'm so upset and for him if he can cry and get it out that way it releases whatever it built up in him.

It is trying and this is what has kept us from having another child until now. It couldn't hurt to talk to your dr. These days, since we are taking him off the Tennex, we had to start giving him Melontonin to help him sleep. Talk to his dr. first, but it can be purchased over the counter. When he started sleeping better, the issues slowly started going away. It can't hurt to help to ask about the Tennex. I've not heard of the ablifiy before. Our son currently takes Focalin XR (20mg), he's been on that dosage for 2 years now. Tennex (1 1/2 mg), he use to be on 3 mg a day and Fluxotine (10mg). He also has anxiety attacks.

I will be here if you feel your at your wits end.

"Raise the Praise, Minimize the Critize." It's hard, I know just keep smiling and remember he doesn't mean it when he says those things. Mine told me to f off on my b-day one year.

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I will be calling his doctor about Tennex to see if it helps. My son has now been on FocalinXR and then switched to Vyvanse and neither seemed to help....well let me rephrase, they worked for a while and then it was like he started getting high off of the pills. He wouldn't sleep, eat, and would just stare off into space. So I took him off of the medication and now we're just taking it day to day. He has gotten a little (let me repeat little) better since starting Kindergarden...but he's still having his power struggles and violent outbursts. I'm hoping that he'll either 1. out grow this or 2. we will find the right medication mixed with the right behavior modification techniques to get him under control. I can say that his violence towards me has stopped (knock on wood), but now it's towards the animals and children smaller than him......

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I am so sorry to hear about the battles you are having with your son! I can relate to your struggles. I have a now 5 yr old son who is ADHD, he was diagnosed a month before he turned 4. He has been on Concerta 27mg for 10 months now is really making progress. Have you tried Concerta yet? We had started him on the 18mg but after 3 months his sympotms were coming back so we uped the dosage. He is also taking a 3mg Melatonin at night to help him sleep. (you can get this over the counter, we use Nature Made). We have also started him on Tenex after school to help him at home. It has made a huge difference. When he would come home from school and his medication was worn off he would be out of control. We have also had a very strick schedule while at home and on the weekends. This structure has also helped his outburst since he now knows exactly what is going to be happening. Every day I explain to him what will be happening, then again after I pick him up from school. We have also completly elliminated TV for the children. It was a huge battle at first but has really been paying off. Our youngest child has just started preschool and we have been trying to impliment the same rules with him, but with a few modifications because he is only 3. He has not been formally diagnosed with ODD yet but the signs and symptoms are starting to emerge. He seems to always be anger and over half the time he is yelling and throws tantrums over any little thing that does not go his way. He also throws anything he can get his hands on, he almost broke our TV several weeks ago throwing his toy tiger. For him we have made a time out corner. We will tell him to do something only twice and if he has not done it after the second time we have asked, we count to 3 and if he still has not complied he sits on his chair in the corner of the living room. It has taken several weeks but he is finally staying in the chair for the 3 min he is in time out (3 yrs old=3min) He screams his head off and yells but at least he is sitting in the chair. The 3 min start over every time he gets out of the chair. He had picked up some bad language from the other children at school, so we used a bar of soap and washed his mouth out. We have only had to do that once thankfully. We also use a reward chart in each of their bedrooms. For every good chore they do, (like making their bed, listening the first time, brushing their teeth at night, etc) they get a star sticker. Our youngest has really started to pick up on this and although he still struggles with listening he has done realitivly well considering and gets really excited when he gets a star sticker on his board. We have also been monitoring their diets really close. They get eggs with oatmeal or toast for breakfast along with milk that has been supplemented with DHA. They both get healthy meals at school for lunch and snack. Dinner we make as many fresh meals as we can afford. We have also tried to eliminated as much sugar as we can and try really hard to keep artificial food colorings and such out of their diet. I have also been trying the ADHD diet (gluten free). It seems to be having some good effects on both of them.

I hope some of this can help you and your child. I still struggle with the idea that my son has ADHD and our youngest might also have ODD. Only time will tell him he really does. Its hard as a mother to think their is something you can't make better right away for your children. The best advice I can give you is to remember YOU are in charge of your house. NOT your child. I have had to become strict with what happens in our house but the positive results are starting to show so it makes it all worth while. BE STRONG, and I will keep you and your son in my prayers that you will find the right solution to help your family.

God Bless!

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One of my daughters would sometimes get violent, but not like your son. The first thing I thought of was that the diagnosis was wrong if none of the usual treatments were helping, but were seemingly making things worse. I found a lot of help for my daughter in the book The Explosive Child by Ross Green. Here's his web-site. http://www.explosivechild.com/ Perhaps you could get a referral or some other useful info there.

As to the diagnosis, here's a list of 50 things that can look like and be misdiagnosed as ADHD:

http://www.incrediblehorizons.com/mimic-adhd.htm

If your son has a different disorder and is being given stimulants, perhaps that would explain his terrifying behavior.

I'm so sorry that the hospital would start with the assumption that his problems are due to your parenting. That's such an old-fashioned notion, but unfortunately, still surprisingly prevalent. Could you perhaps try a different hospital? It does sound like a hospital observation and medical work-up wouldn't be a bad idea since his behavior is so outrageous.

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I agree with the last post that your "professionals" could be mis-diagnosing. If your child's behavior is that violent--without any medication in his system--it sounds like a Bipolar disorder, if not some other developmental disorder. If he has the behavior while medicated it's a little harder to figure out what's meds and what's nature. My 6yo is on ritalin and he takes buspar to minimize the afternoon/evening withdrawal symptoms. So far it is working pretty well. He was actually told by his teacher yesterday that he was the best listener in the class!

The harder part is the "i don't want to be a mom anymore" part. My son is adopted because we couldn't have biological children. I waited so long to find him, yet there are days I think "how can I possibly go on? This is not what I signed up for." We don't need professionals telling us about our bad parenting skills when we already doubt ourselves plenty. So, hang in there. If it helps, you're not the only one who has had those thoughts and felt ashamed about it.

P.S. I am also an ex-psychotherapist. Try calling your county mental health department, if you haven't already. You might be able to get them to "start over" with a proper assessment and diagnosis.

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Brendamom -

My daughters are adopted too. Identical twins. Both with ADHD and dyslexia. I also have felt like it was way more than I bargained for. There are a number of physical ailments that I believe are due to the physical and mental stress of wrangling ADHD twins.

What I found the creepiest, and fought myself the hardest about, was that the one twin that had violent tendencies, was sometimes very difficult to love. It would have been so easy to fall into a pattern of avoidance or blame or anger towards her. It was a conscious fight to avoid that pattern.

Now that my girls are in their teens, it's become more obvious to me how many adopted kids have problems like these. I wish that all of those social workers who snoop and pry and write reports about us BEFORE we adopt, would spend some more time helping us cope with these children born of trauma.

We find ourselves in a difficult squeeze when the prevalent attitude is that everything is due to "poor parenting". It doesn't seem fair to have to "blame" the children or their birth parents in order to get past more finger pointing in our direction. Every time we get a new teacher, tutor, therapist or whatever involved, I feel as if I have to go through a lengthy vetting process to prove I'm not a lazy ignoramus.

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I don't know which order to make my list because each is equally important: One is make sure doctor's do not try just on med at a time. My 10 year old daughter is on Concerta and Tenex during the day and Strattera after school. It helps trumendously and we try to take her off one everyonce in awhile and quickly have to put her back on. Next RED DYE #40 really does make my daughter meaner. She can tell the difference so much she tells people she is allergic to it so she can limit her in take. It's in everything. Icing, fruit snack, juice, lunchables, vitamins, kool-ad, soda, canned spagetti, cold medicine, yogurt, strawberry applesauce, poptarts, popcicles, doritos, cereal, fruit oatmeal bars, jello, bbq sauce, etc. you can find safe food lists online. Next for school you must educate the school on your child. Meet with them before school starts. Make the appointment 3 weeks before schools starts because the principals and teachers will be in training and meetings and their schedules at tight. You need to be very clear on your expectations of the school. Your child will need an IEP. Have your doctor and psychatrist fill out paperwork before the meeting stating he HAS to have an IEP not a 504. Tell them you want to start with an IEP and later you may consider moving to the lesser affective 504 if you feel comfortable with how is adjusts to school. Remember these keys things to demand for your child: An ADHD child should NEVER be in a restrained lunch or recess. They are setting him/her up for failure. All the energy they did not get rid of during lunch is going to come out 10 fold during their next classes. And then they will be frustrated and be more defiant. Anytime my ADHD/ODD daughter deserves silent lunch or no recess we make sure she stays moving. Walking laps but not where the will be embarassed, running office errands (delvering teacher mail, following the principals around while they make rounds, or stocking books in the library) Not only does this burn some energy, it gives them some of the confidence they lack. The worse thing you can do to an ODD child is to call them out and embarass them. It just makes it worse. Teachers MUST learn to speak monotone, calmly, and explain the problem of the behavior without blaming the child or the ADHD/ODD. They need to learn that ADHD is like asthma you learn to live with it and work around it, but it is not an excuse. Treat the symptoms and move on. All assignments, permission slips, deadlines, etc. must be emailed to you daily. Later a second set of text books is a must have for all ADHD kids. If they are just to distracting to the other students send them to the office to do class work. And if they accidentally forgot their meds. Send them to the nurse until you can pick them up. My daughter and others I have worked with got labeled by other students quickly. Do not let the teacher "try" and make it thru a day. It hurts your child longer than one day.

etc....

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I'm sorry to hear about your struggle with your son. I thought it may be helpful to know that a new version of Tenex will be available very soon. It is the same ingredient but longer lasting and is called Intunive. Doctors also can prescribe Abilify, Depekote or chlonodine in conjunction with a low dose of a stimulant. Vyvanse has the same active ingredient as Adderall but improved delivery. The highest dose is 70mg so maybe the dose was too high or too low for your son and needed to be adjusted.

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