Hi

I can totally relate to major problems with the telephone.

Professionally I avoid calling colleagues and clients at all costs, I tend to over use email. This has resulted in missing project deadlines and totally devalued my relationships with my employees. I have found that people find me unapproachable, perhaps because I don't tend to appear interested in what they are saying on the phone.

I can't handle being interrupted when on the phone, as I am so focused on listening. This is really scary because I snap and feel an extreme sense of rage that I express with a glare or snide look. It is so hard to explain the overwhelming emotions that I feel when this happens.

I was diagnosed last week at the age of 35. I am now on meds and feel totally different, my family can't believe the changes in my presence (or lack of it) and behavior.

I am keen to see if I can improve with my auditory communication!

James :)

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I have always hated telephones. I think it's because I have far stronger visual attention than auditory; visual stimuli always overwhelm auditory ones for me and it's exhausting to talk on the phone without visual cues to keep me on track with the conversation. The cognitive demand is on the level of a non-ADDer trying to hold a telephone conversation in a foreign language, as far as I can tell.

Email is a godsend!

(The flip side is that I can always concentrate on reading or doing jewellery work, no matter how much noise there is; I don't hear it. People have to tap my arm to get my attention out of the book! Of course, then they say, "look how hard you were concentrating! You can't really have ADD!" at which point I am severely tempted to bite them.)

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This has definitely been the case for me. I despise talking on the phone. (I currently work as a secretary, so I am in hell every day of my life) The absolute worst is getting up the nerve to make a necessary phone call to someone I don't know. I have been trying to get registered for a college class with a local community college, but I really need to call some department and get something worked out with them. I know I am going to have to introduce myself and state my business to about 12 different people before I finally get routed to the correct administrator, who will probably be out of the office anyway, and then I will end up having to leave a pathetic, stuttering voice message that makes me sound like a half-wit. I have been putting off this phone call for weeks. It should be easy. The actual phone call is not that big of a deal, but it is to me. I just hate feeling put "on the spot" and then I get like a deer in headlights. I can't "read" what the other person is thinking because I can't see their expression. I assume they are frustrated with me, or confused about what I'm saying. So I try to explain myself further and start to ramble and stutter, and of course I grope for even the simplest words that refuse to come to my mind when I need them. That's when I innitiate the call. When someone calls me (like at work) I have a hard time following what they are saying, understanding what they want, and processing what I need to do with what they are telling me. Don't get me started on telemarketers and collection agencies. I agree with you. I totally think it is because there are no "visual cues" to go with the auditory information bombarding our brains. I function "holistically" so to speak. I need to incorporate and understand the information I receive before I can process it, remember it, and use it in any kind of cognitive way. Having a string of words blasted in my ear through a receiver is not conducive to the way my brain operates.

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This is very interesting, and I am SO glad to know it's not just me! I actually feel like I have a harder time with face-to-face conversations than phone conversations; but the bottom line is, I just don't remember things that people tell me, no matter the situation. I always have felt stupid because friends will ask me about things that I have apparently told them, only I don't remember ever having told them; likewise, they'll say "remember when I told you about so-and-so and her new boyfriend...?" and I have absolutely no recollection of being told any such thing. I've learned, over the years, just to nod along. I have always hated the phone, though--particularly making phone calls, like the one lady said. It's been a major source of anxiety for me. I always thought it was just from shyness, but now I'm starting to think that my perceived shyness is really just a result of feeling "weird" and "different". My problem seems to be that have a really hard time processing what people are saying to me--like, sometimes I just can't comprehend it until I've had some time to think about it. I think my problem with the phone comes from not knowing what's going to happen when I dial that number: I need to prepare what I'm going to say in advance, but what if someone else answers, or I get voice mail?? I guess I just worry that I'm going to have to "think on my feet" and it scares me going into it, even though once I'm in the conversation I usually do okay. I actually find it scarier in person, though, because the other person is RIGHT THERE, looking at me, waiting for an appropriate response and sometimes I just get stuck! And then I start to feel stupid, which makes me more stuck......

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I HATE official phone calls, and have always been rather ashamed by this. Email is by far my preferred mode of communication!

While I don't forget what is said on the phone that often (probably because I know myself well enough to write important information down as it's being told to me), I do get extremely anxious about making phone calls. Part of it may be the lack of body language, but I think part is also that making decisions (especially immediate ones) gives me hives, and if people call you, it's usually because they want something immediately. I can postpone things more easily via email. I also think that social anxiety plays a big role. I feel like I'm in a spotlight, fear blurting out something that will make me sound stupid or forget to include/request something important, or become paranoid that I am rambling and annoying the crap out of the other person.

I was beginning to think I was just a freak of nature. Glad to know I'm not alone.

FC

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I abhor telephone calls so much that I inserted a story about a job interview that I did over the phone in my book, "Dear Mary: My Life with ADHD."

My attention span during face-to-face interviews was bad enough, but speaking about my credentials over the phone caused me to stammer, lose track of my thoughts, and move around with the force to knock the telphone off the stand.

I finally came up with a creative solution: do phone interviews in the nude.

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First, Rekka, thanks for starting this thread...a godsend to me because, as I am newly diagnosed at age 53 (!), I am now just starting to understand and explain some of my behavior or "style.". NOTHING fills me with dread more than the phone ringing, especially in the evening as i wind down. Talking on the phone is hard work for me and I can never understand why others love it so much. I, too, love email ,but people who are more facile with auditory communication often think I am cold. Not so! Sometimes I think it is that I get too distracted by the emotion I feel or that the other person feels when speaking rather than writing...like the person who said he/she felt stupid after saying something that the other person didn't react well to. With email, I can focus on the communication and shut out others' reactions or tone. Second, I went to a great seminar about how you learn best about 15 years ago. My good friend at work, who was very popular and easy with people, was an auditory learner. I, no surprise, was a visual learner, and, while people really liked me, I was viewed as a more difficult personality. I was famous at work for never forgetting a piece of paper I saw. Not that I remembered all the details, but it was like a document management database in my head (this was before they used software for this). Anytime anyone needed something, they would come to me first.

Third, Keith, you are hilarious! I am keeping the mental picture of knocking the phone over as I cast about because I get so animated with me today. I've done that and am glad to hear someone else has. : ) I am also going to find your book after I post this.

Fourth, thank to you all for your posts here. I will be checking back regularly as this thread develops. Fifth, Facebook is another godsend to people like me. Wonder what you all think.

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And how many people who have joined this thread simply HATE trying to learn from an audiotape? And avoid Books On Tape?

Interestingly, I had an audiotape I really wanted to follow so played it while driving. About the third time through, I started to "see" semi-transparent text "scrolling" up the windshield as I drove -- matching the words from the tape!

Of course the phenomenon was so odd that I nearly lost what focus I had!

For those of us who are not spatially challenged, I find that drawing a map as directions are given, and writing down the street names where I turn is extremely helpful. I should write the actual house number on my hand, though--because I've been known to arrive at the right block without the map--and not know which door to knock at!

Any kind of doodling/picture drawing helps mefocus on the phone.

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I always get anxiety when I have to call anyone I don't know. A couple of things I've found work for me is to make notes as to what I want to say, and then start the conversation with something friendly to establish rapport with the other person. Once I realize they're a normal, friendly person, I find it much easier to talk. I will also go to a private place to make these sort of calls, because otherwise I get even more nervous if I think I've got an "audience." Of course this isn't always possible, but most of the time it is. I use my car as a phone booth a lot. It's reassuring to hear that others have this same quirk I do! If other people do it too, it must not be weird, right?

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It's always heartening to find out that you're not alone in the world. I have major telephone issues too. First, I can definitely relate to the anxiety of making "cold" business calls. I recently started working in business development (of all things) and am supposed to make lots of sales calls. Well, I find myself doing everything else but that; due to many of the same reasons others have stated. I especially hate making them in the office (for fear of an audience) so I usually make them from home or my mobile phone booth like Shegrizz. But I've learned to work around it by making lots of "warm" contacts through networking which involves lots of lunches and social events at which I can get comfortable with people and gather business cards; they act as visual reminders of those I've met (I sometimes draw pictures on them) and that makes me a lot less nervous when I finally make myself call them. But my biggest telephone issues are with automated routing systems! Whenever one of those things answers, I immediately zone out for a few seconds and I usually don't re-engage until they're on "press 4 for..." And I have NO idea what 1,2&3 were! I makes me SO mad at myself that I always have to wait til "press 9 to hear this message again", and what's worse is, I often go through the whole cycle two or three times! The other problem I have relates to distracting visual stimulus. I tend to verbally relay every distracting thing I see to the person I'm talking to. Since I'm most often driving when talking on the phone, I'll blurt out random comments about the scenery, traffic, birds, or whatever. As annoying as it must be to all of my friends & family, they're used to it and just ignore me, but lately I've caught myself doing it on business calls too! I've got to figure out a way to keep that stuff inside my head. Any suggestions?

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