I'm a lawyer and an I on the Myers Brigs (intuitive). I have to talk on the phone ALL THE TIME. I hate it. I hate making phone calls, I hate answering the phone. I can't see people when I'm talking to them. I can't judge nuances or facial expressions. I feel blind. I guess I rely on those visual clues to assist in paying attention and to read people. I am embarrassed by how much anxiety I experience when dealing with the stupid phone. You'd think if I could get through law school that I'd be able to deal with phone calls. Arg.

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I had no idea this was an ADD issue. It probably isn't, actually. It's probably an anxiety-related issue, with anxiety being the co-existing condition with ADD.

Actually, I'm fairly certain it's the ADD and not a co-existing disorder. Basically, all ADD/ADHD really means is that you have a brain that is hardwired to work a certain way, and since your brain differs from what is considered the "norm" (and therefore healthy) it is then labeled as abnormal, unhealthy, and wrong. Regardless of the fact that ADD brains (and probably ASD brains too) evolved for a darn good reason!

Anyway, it looks like ADD brains in general are hardwired to be visually-oriented, so it stands to reason that any activity that requires an opposing type of reasoning would put an ADD/ADHD person on edge. Thus the anxiety over the phone, which requires a level of auditory talent that most ADD people don't naturally have. It's probably a skill we can learn, but we have to be TRAINED to do it; we don't pick it up naturally the way neuro-typical (aka "normal") people do.

Darn you normal people for taking important skills for granted!!! rawr

I'm pretty sure that for anxiety to be considered a co-existing disorder, that anxiety would have to be extended to other areas of life (not just phones), and it would have to be a chronic and extreme issue. Just like you can't diagnose a kid with ADHD just because he's a little more active than usual; he has to be so insanely active that it interferes with his daily life at school AND at home for the hyperactivity to be considered a symptom of ADHD.

So, in conclusion, the phone anxiety is probably not the result of an anxiety disorder; it's probably just a matter of pushing a visually-oriented AD/HD person WAY outside their comfort zone without giving them the proper training.

^_^

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james1973 said: Hi

I can totally relate to major problems with the telephone.

Professionally I avoid calling colleagues and clients at all costs, I tend to over use email. This has resulted in missing project deadlines and totally devalued my relationships with my employees. I have found that people find me unapproachable, perhaps because I don't tend to appear interested in what they are saying on the phone.

I can't handle being interrupted when on the phone, as I am so focused on listening. This is really scary because I snap and feel an extreme sense of rage that I express with a glare or snide look. It is so hard to explain the overwhelming emotions that I feel when this happens.

I was diagnosed last week at the age of 35. I am now on meds and feel totally different, my family can't believe the changes in my presence (or lack of it) and behavior.

I am keen to see if I can improve with my auditory communication!

James :)

I have had the most MURDEROUS impulses toward people in my life that repeatedly talk to me as if I am not talking to someone on the phone. Are they insane?! Even if I didn't have ADD, it's so rude.

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I don't know why this is but it is and sadly when I do make calls at home I feel like I should be given an award which in turn saddens me as these are things that many other people do throughout the world with little thought or effort.

This is funny. I usually have a little mental celebration when I finish a phone conversation without making a fool out of myself! Sometimes if I have an important phone call that I've been putting off, I will call my mom after I finally make the call. (I'm 31) She knows how hard it is for me to make those kinds of calls, and it is still nice to hear someone acknowlege when you accomplish something challenging. It does make me feel a little like the "slow" kid who gets excited about her macaroni art! I think most people are thinking "So big deal?!? It's a phone call!" My ex husband used to ridicule me over things like that.

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Wow! Just happened across this website and "Telephone Issues" sprang into view. So many comments which I haven't (of course) read thoroughly yet, being too excited about putting in my two cents, albeit a couple of months later. This is a problem I have had all my life. I can remember going into a panic when asked to "talk to Grandma "on the phone when I was a kid, even though I loved her dearly...my mind would just shut off somehow.

What particularly drives me crazy these days is having to call some business and wait for "if you want_ push 1" for _ push 2" and so on. I called the doctor yesterday for a RX refill - a message phone, and by the time it was my time to talk I stated my name followed by "but I have already forgotten what other info you needed."

When my (ADD) kids were young, whenever we wanted to order a pizza or something, my kids would go into a panic if asked to call, and would opt to walk to the restaurant and wait instead of using the phone, something their non-ADD father could never understand. My non-ADD mother would always rather use the phone and could never understand my hesitancy. Even now, if I don't schedule a dental follow up while in the office, I am hard-pressed to ever call later.

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Wow, I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I avoid the phone like a plague. It has caused me to lose touch with friends that I value.

I've even had instances of 'phone rage' because of my frustration over the difficult task of communicating by phone with a harassing credit agency (about a student loan which is a whole other ADD related story). I usually let the answering machine take my phone calls. When I do call someone and get an answering machine I almost always hang up and call later or mentally prepare myself to leave a message if I have to.

I can think of three reasons why phones are a problem for me: 1- I need to see the other persons face 2- It's an interruption which requires a shift of attention and focus 3- I need to really pay attention to what the other person is saying and be able to respond quickly

Provided I have paper and pen I scribble and doodle when I'm on the phone and that really helps me focus.

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I'm new here and just discovered the forum. Although I haven't gotten an official diagnosis of ADD/ADHD I know I have it. I've never been able to get up the nerve to talk to my Dr. about it because I'm afraid he will tell me I'm crazy. I too have telephone anxiety. My husband doesn't understand it and I always suspected it had to do with my ADD but wasn't sure until now. We argue beause I won't even order pizza. I have to talk myself into calling anyone! I almost cried reading your posts because I know I'm not the only one! I think alot in pictures also and it takes alot of concentration to listen face to face. someone mentions one word or subject and my mind is off and running with that one thought and anything they say after that is gone. Thank you for making me feel more "normal" (if that's the right word).

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I'm new to this site, new to ADD, well not really "new", but newly diagnosed anyways. But I've got to say, this is one of the last things I ever thought other people would struggle with. I never would of imagined that the whole telephone phobia was something related to ADD, or that other people have the same issues, and it's such a relief to know that I'm not the only one who has this phone issue. I put off pretty much everything....but phone calls are one of the top 5, which was always weird to me, I figured it was one of the simplest things to do, a quick "accomplishment gold star", and I should just do it and get it over with. And yet I found myself putting off phone calls for weeks at a time. I'd come up with every excuse possible....."well it's close to 5pm, they'll be closing soon, better wait till tomorrow", "I'll call them on my break at work"...."well I can't call them on my break because there are other people around". And if I needed to make more than one phone call I'd REALLY freak myself out and think "Well I can only call one of them today, because if I have to leave a message, what if they call back while I'm talking to person #2 and I can't click over?!?!" And when I finally DID get up the courage to call, like many of you, I'd find myself feeling out of breath and rambling on, so focused on what I needed to tell them, that I'd forget what they said to me, or I'd hang up and realize that I forgot to tell them something important, like which pharmacy I needed the RX called into, or the number that they could call me back on.....the never ending cycle lol. Glad to know I'm not just "weird", well maybe I'm still weird, but at least now I know that I'm not the only one with these quirks:)

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ADDSailor said: I can definitely relate on being able to process what the caller is trying to get across to my ADD addled mind. I lost my last job 54 weeks ago because customers of my company thought I was angry, rude, uncaring, etc. due to my phone mannerisms late in the day. As an outside sales person, I was expected to be friendly while attempting to clean up my daily accounts, answer the phone, answer the door, complete inventory tasks, etc, etc. So, if I was deeply involved in one of the above misc. tasks, answering the phone was NOT at the top of my list. The worst part was that I had no idea I was acting in the manner they were complaining about. If one of them had told me face to face they were not happy I could have added the concern to my (personal ADD) daily list of tasks as something to watch out for. Needless to say, not one of them had the sense to speak directly to me. My coworkers and manager heard about it first and then it became a discipline problem for him. I really loved the position too.

ADDSailor

I can definitely identify with this problem. I live in fear that I will, one of these days, lose my job, which I've had for over 5 years, the longest time I've ever had a job. I work as a telephone rep in customer service for a mortgage company. It is not a happy place to be with the economy the way it is, and the customers call in ready to bite the head off of the first unfortunate person that answers the phone. I dread the beep in my ear. I am bluntly honest sometimes, and the customers don't want to hear blunt honesty about their problems, they want it all sugar-coated,and they want instant cures for their mortgage problems that have gone completely out of control. Sometimes I'll tell them straight out that we could help them better if they would just be a little more cooperative. Of course that goes over like a lead balloon. I don't know how many times I've blurted out something blunt, honest, and to the point, and then inwardly cringed with the thought that I hoped QA wasn't listening that time. I don't know how many times I've been told I'm rude and uncaring, and then had customers demand to speak to a supervisor. I don't know how many times the customer has then proceeded to lie and exaggerate how bad I was to them! It's frustrating!

Another thing that is very frustrating to me is that my Average Handle Time is through the roof because it takes me so long to get through a conversation, do the needed research, and note the account. It's even worse if I am interrupted or distracted (my team leads and supervisors are notorious for that) because then I lose my train of thought or forget what the customer wanted. To make matters worse, many of the customers are foreigners with heavy accents, which are hard to understand (they really get mad and think I'm stupid if I don't understand what they want). Worst of all, if I don't get a chance to put my phone into Work Mode before the customer hangs up, I get another call immediately, while I'm still noting the account or finishing up a task. We are allowed 10 seconds to answer the phone. If I do that, I will totally forget what I was writing. So, I'm always in trouble about that, too.

I did better on telephone sales. I had a script to follow, which, after a while, I could adlib a bit to make it my own spiel. With customer service, I have no script, and it takes a lot of concentration and problem solving research, and a whole lot of multi-tasking, which is not my strong suit.

I am terrified at the thought of getting another job, because I go into panic mode when faced by endless interviews. At my age, and with the ADD, and my job-hopping pattern (20 jobs in 29 years in the job force), I wonder if I would even get another job. So, I'm stuck.

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Gemini62 said:

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ADDSailor said: I can definitely relate on being able to process what the caller is trying to get across to my ADD addled mind. I lost my last job 54 weeks ago because customers of my company thought I was angry, rude, uncaring, etc. due to my phone mannerisms late in the day. As an outside sales person, I was expected to be friendly while attempting to clean up my daily accounts, answer the phone, answer the door, complete inventory tasks, etc, etc. So, if I was deeply involved in one of the above misc. tasks, answering the phone was NOT at the top of my list. The worst part was that I had no idea I was acting in the manner they were complaining about. If one of them had told me face to face they were not happy I could have added the concern to my (personal ADD) daily list of tasks as something to watch out for. Needless to say, not one of them had the sense to speak directly to me. My coworkers and manager heard about it first and then it became a discipline problem for him. I really loved the position too.

ADDSailor

I can definitely identify with this problem. I live in fear that I will, one of these days, lose my job, which I've had for over 5 years, the longest time I've ever had a job. I work as a telephone rep in customer service for a mortgage company. It is not a happy place to be with the economy the way it is, and the customers call in ready to bite the head off of the first unfortunate person that answers the phone. I dread the beep in my ear. I am bluntly honest sometimes, and the customers don't want to hear blunt honesty about their problems, they want it all sugar-coated,and they want instant cures for their mortgage problems that have gone completely out of control. Sometimes I'll tell them straight out that we could help them better if they would just be a little more cooperative. Of course that goes over like a lead balloon. I don't know how many times I've blurted out something blunt, honest, and to the point, and then inwardly cringed with the thought that I hoped QA wasn't listening that time. I don't know how many times I've been told I'm rude and uncaring, and then had customers demand to speak to a supervisor. I don't know how many times the customer has then proceeded to lie and exaggerate how bad I was to them! It's frustrating!

Another thing that is very frustrating to me is that my Average Handle Time is through the roof because it takes me so long to get through a conversation, do the needed research, and note the account. It's even worse if I am interrupted or distracted (my team leads and supervisors are notorious for that) because then I lose my train of thought or forget what the customer wanted. To make matters worse, many of the customers are foreigners with heavy accents, which are hard to understand (they really get mad and think I'm stupid if I don't understand what they want). Worst of all, if I don't get a chance to put my phone into Work Mode before the customer hangs up, I get another call immediately, while I'm still noting the account or finishing up a task. We are allowed 10 seconds to answer the phone. If I do that, I will totally forget what I was writing. So, I'm always in trouble about that, too.

I did better on telephone sales. I had a script to follow, which, after a while, I could adlib a bit to make it my own spiel. With customer service, I have no script, and it takes a lot of concentration and problem solving research, and a whole lot of multi-tasking, which is not my strong suit.

I am terrified at the thought of getting another job, because I go into panic mode when faced by endless interviews. At my age, and with the ADD, and my job-hopping pattern (20 jobs in 29 years in the job force), I wonder if I would even get another job. So, I'm stuck.

Well, it finally happened. I lost my job tonight. My attendance issues, due to being sick a lot lately, and chronic lateness was the final nail in the coffin. What now? How do I start all over at my age, with my lousy job record, in this economy with everyone out of work. Maybe I should just chuck it all, and go for an early retirement. I feel so embarrassed and humiliated.

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i have telephone issues, been trying to figure it out as it has impacted my work, personal life, financial obligations at times. sometimes i'm fine and phone use flows and sometimes i just have to turn it off in order to be able to focus or not answer a call because of a strange anxiety that immediately dissipates once the call is answered. so it's based on nothing really. it's almost like the completely of a task or initiating of it .. a call might be just a condensed version of a "task" that i have difficulty starting but due to the random nature of the telephone it's like a time bomb!! hehe ok not really but speaking of thinking in pictures.. i do that all the time or even pictures of words or sentences. back to the phone, i really would like to figure a way to be able to simply answer the phone or make a call. . i have a call back list that seems to go unchanged for days at a time for no real reason other than not initiating a call.

i do great with texting and emails but not calls, i'm thinking because calls are time sensitive? hmm

now onto the pictures i think in images and find myself using symbolism to describe my emotions or reasoning if i forget where i placed something or someone else in the home has forgotten where they put something and i happened to have seen it once or twice, i can just think about how it looked when i last saw it and bring up the idea of where i saw it or the actual "scene" and then go to that room for example and look nearby the book , under the window or something like that.. it's always in relation to everything else. everything is a collage. words are defined and ya they have meaning and communication is based on words. but when you are thinking of everything at once, it's difficult to express them in the usual linear format and find myself skipping over myself. which i've read is a adhd symptom. where you blend words together or difficult word recall or just voicing what is in your head. which often makes you come off as confused which you end up becoming because you can't figure out why it is that we can't simply say what i'm thinking. trying to express simple ideas that have been expanded and rearranged in my kaleidoscope mind can either be refreshing or confusing to others. the uncertainty of whether i'll be able to speak my mind or word wreck isn't what causes my phone issues though. though it does keep me quiet or speaking at a lower volume when i'm amongst new peers.

i would love to hear what others have done to manage any telephone issues.

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Your not alone that is for sure. My family can not stand when I totally tune out and refuse to address or answer the phone. Dont care if I know who it or not. A ringing phone throws me into anxiety and I freeze. I have gotten to a place where my family is struggling with me for my ADHD, OCD, etc has taken over and they are use to me being the strong organized one. Keep in mind I have a son severe with ADHD, OCD, Bipolar, ODD, at spouse with ADHD and a 19 yr old with ADHD. I have struggled all my life to keep us moving forward and now the phone sends me running to my room into a hole, what is happening to me, where do I find ppl who understand or even cares. I can only research and read so much, my head is exploding and I am slipping slowly into a place I fear.

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