That is a heartbreaking story. You are so kind to be concerned for your cousin. ADHD kids often have a hard time making friends because their social development may be bit behind their peers.

You can try practicing social skills with her -- How to Tease Proof Your Pre-Teen

There are also some good ideas in this article -- Helping ADHD Children Make Friends

Probably the most important thing you can do is be a mentor to her. Encourage her to sing, tell her how special she is, do things with her that help build her social skills. She needs someone positive, like you, in her life right now.

Good luck, Dena

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darlin, you need to find a chruch school. no i am not a fanatic. or, kids so young, go montessori. also, if you go to consumers consortium on 2nd in corvallis, they have a reference bible outta this world. where and when to get help, etc. i need help too, my kiddo cant stnd me half the time. but i do have one thing.........experience a few times over. protect that self esteem! preserve her child majic while u can! good luck. love and lite, jen

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My daughter is 7, but I see many similarities between her and your cousin - a big personality inside someone who isn't very sensitive to subtle social cues (eye rolls or tone of voice in rebuffing her do NOT register) to back off but then truly devastated when it finally does "click" for her that she's being excluded. She also has trouble with the whole girl thing of changing tides of affection level - it seems like the other girls go from BFF to enh and back again over a cycle of days or weeks, but once my kiddo thinks you don't like her - to her it's forever.

I like what the other poster said about being a good friend to her now and modelling or role playing some social skills, that might help keep her strong at core, so she's not as likely to get deeply depressed when she feels lonely.

I think diversity is also really good - as bad as camp went maybe that, on a less unsupervised-long term level, might be a good idea. Lots of different situations to interact with kids in different places. If possible, activities that include boys, too - I know my dd relates much better to boys - they're more direct, less behind the back stuff. Multiple ages groups - so the peer pressure isn't as intense and her immaturity won't stand out so badly. Things that play to her strengths - mine for example does much better outdoors. Maybe for your cousin it would be more like music camp - or maybe she could get involved as a mother's helper at a Mommy and Me music group for little kids. She needs a place to shine - and it doesn't have to be with her girl peers - in fact that might be the hardest group for her. Help her branch out - and keep on being the caring cousin you are!

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My son is in 7th grade, and he came home from school yesterday upset. I asked what he was upset about, and he said "the usual". Now his classmates have been making fun of him, kicking his locker, etc. Last night he told me that he wishes that he only had to go to school for TCAPS (testing for children in Tennessee) and that he could be home-schooled until he goes to high school. I'm afraid his classmates have pushed him to his limit, and medicine or no medicine for ADHD, he is going to snap. I'm afraid he will hit someone and get expelled under the no tolerance rule.

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My son is 12 and I so understand what you are saying. The best thing that I can tell you to do is find small clubs or groups that do things that are interesting to your cousin. Since she loves to sing, see if you can find a group or club that does. If you go to a place of worship, a lot of times they have chorus groups. I have found that small clubs/groups that have just a few people participating helps my son. The club may be large, however he is able to participate in certain activities where the group is more manageable. He is built a close knit group of about 5 friends that he really enjoys. He chats with the kids in his class when he sees them but these 5 guys are his FRIENDS. Don't forget that the school has clubs and sports teams are usually fairly small. She can interact with them on a regular basis meaning at least once a week and the groups are small enough that she is likely to be able to communicate without feeling as though she is being overrun by the more social kids. Just a thought. Best of luck.

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Dear parents, friends, relatives. How do any of us learn to accommodate rudeness? How do any of us learn to ask for help without manipulating others--or being offended by the manipulators.

I know too well the challenges of fitting in--and the frustration of trying to meet varying needs and demands (and judgments) of social environments. There are some who are just not worth listening to; there are some with incredible talent who are ignored, and there is greed, popularity, propriety. I'm 56, and I'm still trying to figure it out. The resources are as plenteous as the books on one floor of a library: I would think volunteer tutors through arrangements with church groups or interest groups could help. But I also know otherwise.

Part of it is attitude, part of it is boldness. There is serendipity, cynicism, prayer, and somewhere a balance that doesn't suck the creative and giving energy dry. To this day, I am awestruck by the ability of some noisy individuals to command center stage...sometimes for senseless, powermongering, incredibly selfish reasons. Likewise, I am moved to tears by those in society who are swept aside as worthless. I want to understand this dynamic. Some of those "willing to help the underdog" do not help with integration. Integration and tolerance is something that transcends education, exposure, understanding.

I'm brainstorming at the moment, but I want to acknowledge the lament, complaint of those who are saddled with helping (parenting)--you DO lose momentum, hope, sense of direction, your positive attitude...when constantly contronted with "misfit" or "disruptive" or "age factor"....or counseling, analysis, medical and psychological analysis, neighborhood bullies, neigbhorhood "helpers" and the whole gamut of competent/incompetent, patient/intolerant--whether teacher, co-worker, PTA, voters, siblings or classmates of the disabled, or peers of the disabled. Not to mention all those who you DO want in your life for OTHER reasons...who reject you because of this "splat" on your personality.

Forgiving, volunteerism, special interest groups, peer/parent/child counseling, support groups... the resources: they never make the problem go away. And every day, there's a new factor to deal with.

Hey, this is not unlike any other problem in life, given certain aspects I've suggested. But, in reality, I know the limits of the state agencies, of the church groups, of the dynamics of how people organize themselves (as volunteers, as students, as parents). Sometimes the problem is simply too personal, too antisocial, too scary, too alienating...too never-ending...to cope.

Theres a book No Mind Left Behind, by Adam J. Cox, who is a clinical psycholosits whose devoted his careeer to "excecutive control sklls" -- for the child. This book helps the parent formulate ways to deal with the child's "executive brain." But it doesn't help the unprepared parent who is challenged with finances and time--to integrate a child with challenges into the dynamic of junior high.

We have inspirational speakers, such as Steven Hawking, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fHxflgrkVs, and success stories on YouTube, , sibnet (for siblings of a disabled), books like http://www.amazon.com/Know-This-Much-True-Oprahs/dp/0060987561, socially sensitive clelebrities like Oprah, local community bulletin boards--but what if you don't have them in your own circumstance, what if you've tried these--tried to set up your OWN specialized help program...and it failed? More than once?

I'd like to know, and would like to make these stories available for others to know, to pray about, to create state or federal programs to support...to find out how all of these kinds of solutions have fallen short.

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About your situation Karen, the parents of this child is the one who can change this. If someone makes fun of her next time tell her to smile over those child, tell her to focus more on other things that will improve her talents more. We know that we cannot please everybody.

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