Hi. Although I have yet to be diagnosed, for fear that I may hear a resounding, "yes" I do believe that I have ADHD. I have been a daydreamer most of my life. How has it affected my mothering? I tend to be less patient when waiting for explanations about "why" one of the kids did something. I sometimes talk when I should be listening. My oldest and I are not speaking currently because he gets mad so quickly and will mouth off at me and I am willing to go toe to toe with him as well. We got into a physical fight last year because I asked him what problem he was having with me. On the other hand, I understand how it feels to not want to just stop what I am doing, and do something else, find my mind wandering, suffer from boredom, and feel incredibly restless! I know it sounds worse than it really is. However, I wanted to be honest with you. I think it can work for you when you are aware of your own weaknesses.

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This sounds like an excellent topic for a dissertation, and I commend you on working toward your Psy.D! I hope to have mine some day as well, though, right now I need to start with my Masters. I have been diagnosed with ADHD, and it most certainly affects my parenting skills. First off, I tend to great at creating these behavioral plans (charts, token economy, etc) for the kids, but then it only lasts a short while because I have trouble following through on it. Obviously, without consistency in noting the positive behaviors that the children exhibit and reinforcing them correctlly, the plans' effectiveness is severely compromised. Another thing for me is that I tend to be very hypersensitive to noise. Unforunately, my oldest (age 5 and currently waiting for an evaluation for ADHD) has a tendency to constantly chatter and screetch and make noises. Its not really under his control, but it drives me insane nonetheless. The only way that I can get anything actually completed is to hyperfocus. You can imagine how difficult it is to hyperfocus when there are young children around. Plus, I get very irritable when interrupted in a task, and as any parent of young children knows - there are constant interruptions. Additionally, when I do hyperfocus, hours can go by without me realizing. I've already forgotten to make lunch because i got preoccupied with something. And though it doesn't happen often, and I hate to even admit it, there was a time where I was very late picking him up from preschool because I lost track of time in a Walmart! I actually don't do much of our grocery shopping because I get so distracted by everything there -that it takes me much longer and I wind up spending way more money than if my husband goes -- so he does the bulk of our shopping. Additionally, I feel that my ADHD reduces the amount of patience I have. I also tend to spend way too much money on toys - because of being impulsive and knowing it would make the boys happy. I also tend to yell way more than I would like, and I'm really working to reduce this.

We all know that probably the biggest component of successful parenting is consistency. I feel that this is the area most affected by my ADHD. I have great difficulty being consistent. I have a hard time even maintaining a consistent routine for more than a few days at a time. I'm working to fix this, but it doesn't come naturally!

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I'm an ADHD mom. Both my boys (agesa 12 and 6.5) are both ADHD as well. I find that I am very short in patience. My oldest has come leaps and bounds since his diagnoses when he was 7. To talk to him now - you wouldn't even know he is ADHD unless you were around him for extended periods. He still has the ocassional "episode" as I call them, but nothing that he can't snap out of. Now my youngest was disgnosed in January and myself in December. My youngest is a real handful when his meds wear off. He gets like me though (thank god I recognize the signs). After his meds come off he gets hungry AND cranky. If I feed him immediately, his sugar level goes back to normal, and he's not so hyper. I do the same thing. I find that I'm very snappy, and always in a hurry to put him to bed. I'm making a nightly effort to have more patience with him. Not so easy sometimes though. :o( I know I could listen a lot more and stop jumping so fast. I promise myself every night that I'm going to work on being a "better" parent. However I feel like I always seem to fall short on that. :oS

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I am 38 and got diagnosed because my 7 year old had his evaluation, and I put it together. I found out about a year and a half ago. It does make sense because when two people behave and react similarly then you have battles. I am clearly impatient, I have to think about it so I can try to think before I react. I don't always do it but It does help. I am also in a hurry for everything, that cannot be good for my kids. It is like I don't have time for anything. Then, your whole life passes by and you regret it. Because I was diagnosed later in life, I never finished college, I never finished anything really. I think it is safe to say that the way I was parented affected my self esteem. That is why some adults with adhd do better than others. The good news is that I am in counseling and I have awareness now. I can't change the past but I know that I am a complete 180 to what I was before and from the way I was parented. I am starting college in the fall. For the first time in my life I think I might actually do good. I think any person with adhd needs to find something that they can feel good about because we are all very good at finding out negative faults and LIVING IN THEM. If we can face up to whatever scares us the most, that is where we will find the most value. For me, it WAS school. Overcoming adversity.

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I am an ADHD mom of two boys, I have a 9 year old and a 2 year old. Neither of which have been diagnosed with ADHD, I myself was only diagnosed in January. It definitely affects my parenting, I have no patience and I yell way too much. Then the guilt sets in because I don't want to yell at my children but it's like I have no control over it. I tend to hyperfocus a lot too when I'm trying to get stuff done around the house. Then the kids are saying they are starving because it's 2 hours past lunch or my husband is home from work and I haven't even thought about making dinner yet. I know I can be a better parent than this and the fact that I keep failing really brings me down. It's a constant battle.

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I am a 41 yr old, extremely happily married woman with ADHD (20 years this year - woo hoo!). We have two children: our 14 year old daughter has ADHD, our 12 year old son has ADD, Tourette's Syndrome & ODD. My poor husband often feels like he is 'herding cats', trying to get us all out the door! Like you, I am attending post-secondary education: on a part-time basis, working towards my Visual Arts diploma. This is a HUGE goal that I have FINALLY decided I NEEDED to do; JUST FOR ME!! So far, my GPA is 3.95 out of 4: I received 4 A+ marks this past year and am SO PROUD!

It has been a huge turnaround year because I have been actively seeking help & assistance for MYSELF. This has washed down to create a much better environment & relationships for us all! About 2 weeks ago, I heard the same message from 2 professionals & 2 family members: "YOU are the person in the family who needs the most help, not only for yourself, but because as 'The Mom' you are the main cog in the family system". I could have decided it was a giant conspiracy and that none of them knew what they were talking about, sit, pout, and concentrate on the unfairness of life, but that would have left me in the same spot - actually it would have been worse! Instead, I seen my psychiatrist, got a medication boost, and the overwhelming anxiety I had been battling went away (Yay). This brought home the vital importance of ensuring medications are Correct & Effective! Because if they're not working right, neither are you!

As a student at a post-secondary institution, I found out by accident (some info. on a government grant form) that I am disabled! Go figure! As such, this allows for tax advantages, but it has been one long, form-filling, head-banging experience! Nothing moves quickly, and the big thing is persistence because ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WILL DO IT FOR YOU! Through the school, I have also been able to access counselling; this has been life changing! A coach really helps: putting together a list of the things I needed to do for the week nearly gave me an aneurism, but together with the counsellor, I was able to get through it. As most adults aren't diagnosed with ADHD until adulthood, we have received from others & ourselves a lifetime of harsh messages: "Why can't you do this" "HOw many times do I have to ask?" "Helllloooo - where did you just go?" "Will you sit down & relax already"! After having your soul squashed, some may find that the job to be your own best friend & cheerleader is a vacant position. The encouragement of even ONE person is such a huge boost in believing in yourself - something that sometimes feels like a foreign concept.

God Bless You as you work towards your degree! Having one more person in the field who GETS what ADHD is like for the individual and their family will be a great addition to the profession. An aside: A professional 'house-keeping' thought: By hiring someone who is good at the stuff you don't want to do, you can concentrate on what you do best!

:) Kim S. - Alberta, Canada

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hello,

I'm thankful for individuals like yourself who are pushing on to obtain their PhD. While I'm not a mother with ADHD, I recently got married and definitely plan on having children. I've gotten very anxious about the thought of having childen, as at the moment, I have difficulty getting the usual day to day things done. I often ask myself, if I can't even keep myself organized, how am I going to keep a family organized???

What I've discovered that works really well for me, is to focus on making things as VISUAL as possible. If I need to remember a phone number, I try to see the numbers in my head as they're being said. Often, I'll forget the information right after I've heard it. (I also have LD - short term working memory, and gifted)

I also once used a software program called Inspiration, for a big university essay and got my highest grade ever... I made it into a poster and put it up on my wall, and marked off each section as I wrote it.

I'm getting certified as an Orton-Gillingham Tutor in July, and plan on using Inspiration to make notes, as I'm highly motivated to do the best possible for the sake of the children I'll be tutoring. What I really like about the science behind the teaching system is that it focuses on "3-D learning", or experiential/kinesthetic.

It might be interesting to see how that works into parenting strategies, and scheduling.

Again, thanks for inspiring me... I also want to go further than my B.A. Psych and Certification as a Sp Ed Assistant. I've often had doubts about whether I'd be able to handle a Master's or PhD. Hearing of people like you who are actually DOING IT, makes me realize it's possible, and makes me push aside the negative voices.

Good luck, I'd love to know more about your thesis.

:)

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Wow - yes, it's hard being an ADHD mom! I want so much to be consistent and help my kids have a consistent routine, and I've made progress, but I have to grit my teeth and use every ounce of will power I have to force myself to pay attention to the routines and schedules. I make charts, and then forget to have them fill them out. I make rules and forget I made them! I can't tell you how many times I've grounded one of them, and then forgot all about it the next day! But I'm trying, and I'm getting better - I think. I hired a girl across the street to help with homework - it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders! If I had a ton of money, I'd have lots of different people come in to help!

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I too think I have ADHD, because my son was just diagnosed last year and I never understood why I could never focus in school or be patient with him. I have depression, severe anxiety, and just diagnosed last year with chrohn's disease and ulcerative colitis and it is very frustrating because I told my doctor about the adhd and he said it's the same as depression??? I am struggleing now with studying to take my personal training cert, because I can't focus nor get the time alone to study... It takes me forever to get it and focus, I find myself reading over and over to get one page!!! My son means the world to me and I struggle to be patient sometimes and everything goes in one ear and out the other with him, not his fault I knw but I sometimes get soo mad... How do you control your frustrations??? I try with every inch of me to read and try to stay calm and redirect in the right way but it seems I do everythig wrong and feel like a horrible parent at times.... His dad doesn't get the adhd thing in my son and we are divorce and it makes me sooo mad because not one time could he hlp even when I was sickest with the chrohn's, he said he knws wht he is doing is wrong and needs to be spanked??? I didn't get any hlp on his side so we moved to Las Vegas for family support for me and to get some help for my son.. Especially when I was drained completly with being sick... I am trying everything and feel at times I give up, and shouldn't but soo tired!!! I love my son soo much, and have tried everything but I feel I am losing!!! I also need to get new doctor to get checked for ADHD out here in Nevada, maybe someone will listen to me this time?? I even noticed myself taking painkillers just to keep me going throughout the day, and I knw it;s bad but I have no energy at times or life in me!!! Please help!

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