I have found my son much more receptive to hearing about how his problems could be addressed if he hears it from his peers or an outsider. My son who was in residence this year at university found others like him. One of the dons in the dorm had very similar characteristics and really helped my son to feel OK about who he is rather than put his energy into hiding his weaknesses. This has been the first time he has acknowledged his CAP and ADD issues and now he wants to do something about it. So if you can find a classmate or friend of the family who has gone through it they may be able to come alongside your son and help him to address the issues.

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I have to agree, it must be difficult to bring up the subject of ADHD without seeming like a nag. Your son is an adult afterall. And it is natural that you want him to succeed and be happy in life. Is there a relative he is close to, uncle, aunt, older sibling, that he respects that might be able to talk to him?

Maybe instead of labeling him with ADHD, you can just suggest a "life coach" to get him moving. An ADHD coach might be able to help him get on track, he might take advice better from an outsider and a professional. Should he be willing to consider that option, you can find a coach in the ADDitude Directory.

Most important, be positive. Dena

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Thanks for your insights. We actually had a break through conversation last night where he asked if I wanted him to see someone for assessment and help.So now I may be able to hand the conversation off to some one else. Thanks again.

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22 was the age when the frustration of undiagnosed ADHD boiled over. The frustration was accompanied by low self-esteem, which was burnished by constant criticism and negative feedback. Eventually, I turned my back on advice from family members, peers, and adult authority figures.

You mention "gifted" when describing your son. Just because he fails at school does not mean he can not find his passion in other endeavors. The worst advice you can assimilate is to force your son to pursue educational and career directions that are not commensurate with ADHD symptoms.

ADHD has many gifts. We just think differently than the so called normal segment of the population. The way society is heading now, that is not a bad thing.

We need more ADHDers to speak out about the positive attributes of a misunderstood condition.

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I think we need to do a parent/child swap! :) I'm a 21 year old kid who had to convince my parents to support me getting the test done. Therefore, I understand trying to convince a reluctant person but in sort of a different context. I agree wholeheartedly with the poster who suggested having a peer talk to him about the possibilities. I'm in college and just got diagnosed and at first its kind of offensive in away cause ADD is so often called a learning disability and here I've spent my whole life feeling pretty intelligent. :) However, what got me interested in getting tested, registering with disability services, and taking my medication was actually doing some research on ADD symptoms. I felt like I had found an identity almost in that all these crazy things that other people would look at me and shake their heads about was not just me, millions of other people with ADD experienced those things too! Its kind of liberating because I don't feel as guilty about my own personality. He can be given hope by understanding that medication and some coping tools from professionals will help to control some of those issues that are commonly linked to ADD (everything from short fuses to risky behavior and trouble reading a textbook) and are presently causing some guilt or a feeling of "why don't other people do this?" I guess I would say that as someone of similar age, getting a solid diagnosis was a positive experience in the end because it helped me to understand myself better so that I could address my issues in a more effective manner. Without understanding the problem, you can't fix it. If he's truly ADD then getting a positive diagnosis and learning about the condition will simply teach him how to approach life in a way that will make it work for him which is, in the end, the ultimate goal for all of us I would imagine.

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