It is tough being shy, especially when it comes to guys. I believe that when you meet the right person, and give yourself time to know him, that shyness will drop away and the relationship will forge itself. The trick is meeting that person. Another part of building relationships with the opposite sex and overcoming shyness is building some self confidence. Think positive and focus on your strengths and all the good things you bring to the table.

Practice making eye contact with the guys. First, try it with guy friends who you aren't romantically attracted to, then build on that. Believe in yourself and think positive and and I think you'll eventually click with someone who makes you feel comfortable.

Good luck, Dena

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I have the same problem. The thing is I'm a guy. So I think I can help with your dilemma. Have you ever tried looking into a mirror and practice what you are going to say. Because it helps some people not to be nervous. Reply if this works. Quote:

Emmie said I've had some bad experiences in the childhood and youth. I've never really dated, because when I find my self in the situation, where there is a potential of relationship, I jilt. I am timid with men that are interested in me and that I am interested in, but otherwise not, and believe that they don't understand my timidity (because it is so narrow). I don't have problems with men outside the romantic scene.

In friendships the sloveness in the relationship doesn't matter and I believe that if I could just get over the start, I would not have big problems, cause I am quite open about my feelings and able to apology.

Has anybody experienced anything similar? Could you give advice?

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I have the same problem. The thing is I'm a guy. So I think I can help with your dilemma. Have you ever tried looking into a mirror and practice what you are going to say. Because it helps some people not to be nervous. Quote:

Emmie said I've had some bad experiences in the childhood and youth. I've never really dated, because when I find my self in the situation, where there is a potential of relationship, I jilt. I am timid with men that are interested in me and that I am interested in, but otherwise not, and believe that they don't understand my timidity (because it is so narrow). I don't have problems with men outside the romantic scene.

In friendships the sloveness in the relationship doesn't matter and I believe that if I could just get over the start, I would not have big problems, cause I am quite open about my feelings and able to apology.

Has anybody experienced anything similar? Could you give advice?

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Could you and Emmie start emailing each other to see if the two of you were compatable?

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Emmie, I'm exactly the same way. The few relationships I've been in were short and ended badly. Like you said, if I meet a guy that don't see as someone I might be interested in, I have no problem being myself. But otherwise, I just want to hide.

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Emmie- I am in a similar situation! (It is so nice to know I am not a loner on this!) Whenever I like a guy or a guy likes me, I still feel those little girl butterflies. I love the attention and the eye connection I make when this happens! The problem I have is not showing my feelings or excitement at this attention. Instead of smiling or showing my emotion I do what I am best at, hiding. I hide my feelings. Even when I want to smile, I can't. I feel so nervous and unsure that I will make the biggest fool of myself. So instead of smiling or saying "hi" I walk away or smirk. ((eeww!!) To me, a smirk is so pathetic! Emotions aren't as well understood when you smirk. ) Before I go to the gym I always practice smiling. I figure it may help if a guy makes eye contact or w/e. Still..I simply chicken out. Its a horrible feeling! I have liked many guys over the years that I would look at and would look at me. Because they wanted me to approach them instead of the reverse, nothing would happen. As a result, I missed out on some great guys! It discusts me that I have not been able to break this cycle! I am 20-years-old and I have only "casually" dated 3 guys. (I'm not concerned about numbers. I do feel I am at a loss, however.) Most of my friends are in serious relationships or are getting engaged. I feel so behind! I hope we both are able to figure this out!

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After reading your comments I am happy I started this discussion, because obviously I am not the only one having this problem - and that it happens to both sexes. It helps a little the situation, if one knows that the other side may be a bit anxious too.

COMMENTING YOUR REPLYS: Well I think I've moved beoynd the blushes and not able to look at the eyes, which used to be big problem, when I was younger. Nowadays I just act stiff and uneasy around the men I like. Not a great come-on sign for them. The best are the moments, when I am able to forget myself and where the situation might be leading to. Then I am at my best. Unluckily this usually does not last for long.

I also seem to unintentionally sabotage my potential relationships. I do it by avoiding the men I am interested in (in real life as well as web) or by blurting out something, I immediatly afterwards (and propably unconciously beforehand) know is stupid to say and makes the man in question to run in opposite direction. I don't remember, when I've not quessed their reaction correctly immediatly after the blurt.

I think that with blurting it is part of the problem that when something makes me anxious, I feel like I want to avoid the situation and ADD makes me act instantly, without good amount of consideration. So I say something, which I unconciously know will get me out of the situation. Afterwards I feel sorry for what I said. I also invent excuses to stay away situations that make me feel uncomfy - especially related to men I like.

EXAMPLE: Yesterday I was chatting in the internet and a guy on the other side of the world (not threatening me physically, because he don't even know where I live) had repeatedly said he thought I was beautiful and pretty. It made me feel so uncomfy. So I said bye bye. And I have also not agreed to meet several men or to give them my e-mail adress because, I've felt I don't know them well enough. And this is in the web, which is supposed to be easier than real life. If I am jilting there - you can imagine me in reality.

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Anne, it was sweet thought.

Wendy and Max, thanks for sharing.

Dena and Max, Thanks for helpful advice.

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Some people get married at the age of 18 and others at the age of 30. Remember that usually relationships, where the commitment is maid after age of 25 last better. You're not supposed to make life long commitments at your age. (Especially if you're ADD). Enjoy dating now, you can commit later. (Just don't wait for ever).

I can relate to you and have to admit that you're actions sound familiar to me. Smiling to some one is a definate come-on sign (even if not very clear) and makes it easier for man to aproach or relate to you, but it is not easy to smile when one is anxious or worried.

I hope it too that we both will be able to figure this out. You just have more time than I do (if I want my own kids).

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