I don't think anyone in this country is "hopelessly single". But you do have to be open to being able to connect with someone, and you clearly describe that this makes you uncomfortable. There are few men who are interested in serious "friendship only" relationships and even fewer "friendship only" relationships in which you can have kids (okay - that was a joke....hard to have kids if you don't have sex).

I'm not taking this lightly, in spite of the joke. You have a real fear of intimacy probably based in your childhood experiences, or possible in questions of self-worth. Your best bet is to find a therapist whom you really trust and make it the job of the two of you to learn more about your issues so you can overcome your fears. Make sure that you work with someone who will help you devise strategies for moving forward as well as explore your inner issues. Interview potential therapists to find out if this is their approach.

Good luck with it!

Melissa Orlov writes the "Your Marriage" column for ADDitude, as well as a blog about how ADHD affects relationships at http://www.adhdmarriage.com.*

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Hey Emmie, I know what you mean and I can understand what it feels like being in such a situation because I experienced it on my own - and not only once. Everybody has to find an individual way of dealing with this problem. Very often professional help, a coach as well as a self-analysis can help to deal with the structural problems. But as you just said: "The problem lies in the situations, where I sense that the interest is mutual - when there is real potential of becoming relationship. I freeze". Don't get me wrong about this statement but you should consult a professional psychologist in order to find a sollution. On the other hand you should ask yourself whether your behaviour is appropriate in order to find a male human being you want to found a family with. I very often heard about females who were so hyperfocused in their way of finding an ideal partner or just a partner to stay with that they appeared very frustrated, compulsive and negative so that nobody showed any interest in them. Not because they were unattractive, stupid or superficial - definetely not - but because they more or less told the men they were dating (by their actions) "oh let's start a family and let's have children because I am 35 years old and I really feel that it should happen right now or it might be too late in some years!" Imagine being a man: Is this romantic? Does this sound somehow interesting to you? A relationship consists of love, romantic as well as other things. But as the example above shows there is no sense of love or romantic in it. It sounds rational as if you want to start your own business with a friend. If you want to find a stable relationship and a great partner you should first off all consult a psychologist in order to work on your problem of accepting somebody as your partner and to get rid off your "freezing"-behaviour in this situation. Afterwards you should change your habbits of thinking about men and thiking about your past which unfortunately was not perfect for you. After a few month of succesful (self-)therapy you will see: An honest and positive attitude without fear or doubts very often makes a great difference. Believe me and really consult a professional psychologist. Don't get me wrong but sometimes this is one approach of solving a serious problem. I wish you all the best and hope you will succeed in solving your problem. Nice and sunny greatings from Cologne ;-)

P.s.: Have a look at Amazon or another book store in order to find a book dealing with this problem. I will browse my libary in order to find an appropriate book in English and will write you if I succeed in finding an appropriate one. Although I will do this for you, there is no guarantee for finding the right one...I hope this is okay for you - even if there is no book for you in the end!?

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Relationships with ADD are hard without understanding. There is a dating site for people with ADD - addultpartner.com

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