Jeremy & I had an argureement last night , he made the comment that all I talk about is this whol situation with William , then he turned arround & told me that I need to come to the reality that I'm never going to see my child again , that it's been almost a year & I still have yet to see William , speak to him or have any contact with him what so ever . Of couse I quitely sat there just thinking , how dare you sit there and tell me to just give up on seeing my son, how dare you sit there and tell me to just give in to DSS & give them what they want . If the roles were reversed & Jeremy was in my shoes I would never tell him to just give up on ever seeing his son again & to just move on with his life . Jeremy made the statement that I did all of this to myself - no I didn't Now I fully admit that I should have backed myself up with a lawyer , shouldn't have been so quick to award leslie Temp Guardianship of my son especially n another state . How ever my mom & I would have never agreeded for William to go with Leslie & we would have never agreeded to the Temp Guardianship if we willing knew that all of this was going to happen . Yet Jeremy claims that some times I'm selfish - how can he sit there and say that , So to him I was being sefish when I decided to leave William's biolgocial father because he chose his drug addiction over Wililam & I , so I'm selfish for choosing to leave the relationship I was in , because I knew that my life is no longer my own & that it was no longer about me, I was doing what was best for my child . How can Jeremy sit there & rake me across the coals for making the decision to put my childs best interest first . How dare Jeremy rake me over the coals for the decision that my mom & I made to send William with Leslie , all because my mom & I felt that the environment we were living in at the time was not appropriate . He & I were not together , he has no right to sit there & critisize me for a decision that I made when were not together . Jeremy does not have the right to sit there and tell me to just stop fighting for my son , to stop fighting for us to have a relationship . The day that William was born my whole lift changed, because of him I am a better person . The day since William was born I have done everything I can to put him first , I could care less if I have clothes, if I have food , my first priority is to him & I've done everthing in my power to do the hororible thing by him . Truthfully Jeremy will neve be able to understand any of this , until he becomes a parent himself , then & only then he will truly see that nothing else matters . I could care less if I have all the money in the world, I could care less if I have all my wants & desires met , the only thing I care about is that my child is well taken care of , that he's happy & safe . This is no longer about Jeremy & I , it's no longer about what I want , it's about what's in the best interest of William's heart , it doesn't matter that William will never be under the same roof with me , it doesn't matter that William is going to be raised by some one else , it's about that mother/ son bond that no matter what DSS does , they'll never be able break that bond .

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