Sounds like you are suffering from a severe case of low self esteem. You need some help turning those negative emotions around and it will probably take more than just a pill. Physical exercise will go a long way inhelping your mental health. OK, you hate fishing and golf, try something else. Just walking can help. Try joining a gym. What about basketball or a team sport that will allow you to meet people and overcome some of that shyness.

Check out Self Esteem Help for ADHD Adults, maybe you'll find some helpful advice there. And, Battling Depression with Exercise

When you feel better about yourself, it will greatly affect other people's image of you.

Hang in there and think positive! Dena

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Sprite,

Hi! It must feel very disheartening to have to deal with so many issues and it sounds as if you feel there's not much that can be done.

I don't know where you live but I know a doctor who has had tremendous success in treating complicated problems, especially where Bipolar Mood Disorder is involved. I know because my husband has borderline personality disorder, depression and severe ADHD. My daughter also has BPD and ADHD (but not as severe) and our neighbor has BPD, OCPD and ADHD. I also have a friend who is Bipolar, BPD and ADHD, along with anxiety.

Our doctor actually loves helping people with BPD and complicated problems. He made a huge difference in my husband's life and others that I know who have gone to see him. In fact, he has had patients come from more than 40 different states and 15 different countries to see him, the vast majority of whom are dealing with BPD. He has a website that you might find helpful and he has also written two books, "Life at the Border" and "Biological Unhappiness". I highly recommend both of his books and checking out his website at www.biologicalunhappiness.com.

He has a terrific understanding of medications and how to treat someone with several different disorders. He also doesn't give up on his patients and will work diligently to find an answer. He wants his patients doing great, not just getting by. He is also down to earth, listens to his patients and is kind and compassionate.

If you are looking for answers, this is the person you need to see. If you are serious about wanting to feel better and to function better, and you are willing to do whatever it takes, you can have a much fuller and happier life. I have seen it happen time after time.

I wish you the best.

Elaine

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Hi - I just wanted to say thanks for the support. Things always look much better in the morning. There have been a number of positive changes since I started taking the Ritalin but they seem to be irrelevant at night. I know Ritalin is not like coke and there shouldn't be a come down but the evenings seem to be very low periods for me. Anyone else experience that?

More advice please: should I divulge my ADD to people I work with? Through a combination of luck and burning of bridges, I have wound up in just about the most perfect employment position to be in. I am an independent contracting lecturer at the local tertiary education institution and run a small book keeping business as well. This means my work hours are more flexible, I can structure busy weeks or less busy weeks as I feel and lecturing gives me a constantly changing dynamic to work in.

Things could be made a lot easier if I could persuade my book keeping clients how difficult it is for me to keep track of things if they call me during a fifteen minute break between lectures and ask me to do things. My head is full of what I need to get across to the students, various tacks I can try if one doesn't work, how to manage the classroom dynamic, etc and now I have to try and remember something completely unrelated. Bear in mind that I live in South Africa and there is still a great deal of stigma attached to mental disorders here so I'm reluctant to divulge anything.

Any advice from people who have (confessed? come clean? admitted? - such negative connotations) divulged their problem and received support from the work place/colleagues, etc?

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I am 71-years old, Diagnosed with ADD 8 months ago.

To tell or not to tell of your "mentality" is a question you must decide. I or anybody else, can only tell of what we think we would do, should the question arise.

First of all I would consider other medical/physical conditions that I may have and ask whether I would tell. Say, you have a large birthmark on your back. Would you tell? You have been using a pace-maker for 10 years. Would you tell? I use a C-PAP machine at night for sleep apnea. Do I tell? I suffer from RLS. Do I tell?

I am 71-years old. Though recently diagnosed with ADD, I've probably lived my entire life with symptoms. I've never fit in with any group as an adolescent or teen. People love me fiercely or avoid me. I'm too nonconventional. That is attractive to some; a bother or embarassment to others. Some admire my lifetime achievements; others have no thoughts at all. At my age, I am already typed, labeled, judged. I'm a loser and will continue to be so. I'm a success cum laude, there is much Wisdom to be gained from my history and more creative ideas are expected to continue.

Who needs to know that what I did, do and have become is due in large part to my living with ADD? Will others' knowledge that you are ADD/ADHD add or detract from your success in life, career, relationships?

For me, the knowledge that I am ADD is cause for celebration. It explains many questions from my past and assures me that I have a future of fun, creativity, discovery.

It has been angrily shouted at me by a relative: "WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS BE DIFFERENT?"

Well, the truth is just that.

ADD is the answer. In some ways I am "above-average". That's a symptom. Can be used like a lemon. Anyone for Lemonade, Lemon Pie? Plant the seeds and grow an orchard. Sell the fruit and buy a plantation.

From what you've written, it sounds like you are pretty comfortable with things as they are. We all know that being comfortable with ADD/ADHD is quite an achievement in itself. We also know that established behavior needs constant, daily monitoring and adjusting in order to fit changing circumstances and situations. That is a big help in relationships.

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Hi Sprite, I know I'm a bit late in the conversation, but I had some ideas I thought I'd share with you (Hope you don't mind, but I like lists):

1 - You said, "Things always look much better in the morning." I like this and I think I also live by this creed. I find that if I have a bad day, I'll just do what I can to get through the day, get a good nights rest and usually I'll be feeling better the next morning. If I don't, then i know that something needs to change.

2 - I think my best advice for you is to be patient. I had a recent "setback" myself and had another bout of depression (I'm dysthymic so I'm usually teetering on the edge, but I'm trying to think of it more as an "adjustment" than a setback. I've known about the dysthymia for 10 yrs, ADD only a few months.) I'm on SSRIs now, but it's helped me to realize that I've been SO impatient about absolutely everything! I want to be better now! I want to fix everything now!

It seems as though you are putting too much pressure on yourself. I find taking things one step at a time a much better way to cope. For example: Think about making new friends before finding a new love. Don't try and fix everything all at once or you won't get much accomplished at all.

3 -Telling people at work is another stressful thing that maybe you don't have to deal with right now. You can ask for certain concessions without having to explain any medical reason for it. Just say you work better that way. That should be enough for any reasonable person. I think eventually you'll begin to figure out ways of ameliorating your work situation. For example, I no longer take work calls when I'm done for the day. I just don't pick up the phone. They can leave a message and I can take care of it the next day. Nothing I do is so urgent that I have to interrupt my downtime to take care of it. I my own problems with time management so I shouldn't have to deal with those of my clients.

4 - It will take some time to get used to the meds. I personally had a hard time with my appetite. I had to force myself to eat. And yes, in the evenings, I would crash for the first little while. You'll find eventually you get used to the ups & downs and begin to find ways to make it work for you. I've made huge advances in my daily schedule. I work from home and now make sure to end my day at a certain time. Otherwise, my work suffers, my moods suffer and ultimately my relationships will, too. Before I used to just work until I couldn't think anymore.

5 - As far as social interaction goes - have you thought about volunteer work? I'm planning to look into this myself as soon as my work schedule clears up at the end of the month. I'm also new to my city, and could really use some social interaction. I think volunteering is a good way to do this and possibly learn some new skills or even teach new skills to other people.

Another way I look at the social thing is (and this come on the advice of my doctor) - you don't need to make every new person you meet a friend. It's enough just to get out and interact, without the added pressure of trying to impress people. I find people will appreciate you more if you are at ease with youself. It's enough just to show up and be there. I know that probably sounds kind of nebulous and vague, but I find it's like anything - the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Anyway, hope that helps. These are just a few of the things I've come to realise as I've been coping with finding out I have ADD myself. It does get better. You'll see. :)

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