I have those morning/days ! When it comes down to it they know we love them I do know that. When I do miss and blow up I try to let both of us calm down and then go talk to him. My son is 11 and he still likes to cuddle on the couch which makes both of us feel good. He calls it our Bonding Time....go figure(smile

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That is how every morning is for the past 7 years.I now how my dd has odd on top of it all,so she likes to see how far to push it.That doesnt help alot either.I worry alot how bad of a Mom Iam.I was hoping that if she got in trouble from the school being late etc but,it doesnt work either.I hope it has gotten better for you and hope it gets better for all of us actually.Any ideas from others who might be able to offfer advice??? I have locked the tv down,no computer use,no going places and it still doesnt work...

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Attention deficit disorder tests the patience of all parents of ADHD children, just read Kay Marner's Parenting ADHD Children Blog if you want to know you are in good company. I laugh and cry when I read her posts as she figures out how to stay sane while raising an ADHD daughter. Raising an ADHD child is tiring, so cut yourself a little slack. It would be impossible to be a perfectly-patient parent 100% of the time.

Dr. New Hallowell advises parents to think positive . And don't forget to take care of yourself. Schedule a little quiet time for yourself.

And, you might appreciate this article. Read Surviving ADHD Burnout to see how some parents handle the stress.

Hang in there, Dena

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As an ADHD parent of an ADHD 10 year old boy - I've been there done that. Keep giving yourself permission to be the best parent you can be. Remember you don't have to be a perfect parent - just a "good enough" parent to have your kids turn out all right. Your daughter will learn a lot about managing emotions and making mistakes by watching your struggles and your apologies. It's ok - just keep telling her you love her no matter what -

"courage doesn't always roar. sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day, saying I will try again tomorrow"

Hang in there!

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Thank you all for your responses. Today was much better. I never thought of it as burn-out, but yes, that's exactly how it feels. That article had some good ideas for preventing burn-out. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Thanks again!

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My daughter has a problem waking up and getting ready for school. I have struggled so much with her that we had to attend a truancy meeting. If she has two more truancys then she will be referred to the court system. I've just now had a family therapist helping out with this issue, she believes my daughter needs to experience the natural consequences of being late. Which would be her figuring out how she will get to school, and if she doesn't go to school, then it becomes truancy. It is my understanding that the judge can order a stay in juvenile detention center for 2 or more days, and also community service. This may seem harsh, but for some children that push the limit this is what they need.

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Wow, I know exactly how you all feel, been there too...

Couple things have helped with us though. One, we discovered after a stay in the local children's hospital that part of the problem waking up in the morning was my daughter's sleep (or lack of it). Her ADHD and anxiety make it hard for her to go to sleep, and then she wasn't sleeping deeply enough when she did get to sleep. We ended up adding Seroquel at bedtime which both helps her get to sleep and helps her appetite, combating the weight loss from the Metadate.

The second was that we changed schools. Not an option for everyone of course, but we got so desperate over the situation at the local jr. high, we had to do something. We moved her from a regular brick & mortar public school to a "virtual" school which she attends at home and I "coach" her. Still public, free school computer, great curriculum, and she can sleep a little later. Even just sleeping in until 7, 7:30 vs. the 6:00 from before made a huge difference in her attitude during the day, and her grades have gone from flunking to As & Bs. We are at AZ Virtual Academy, which uses the K12.com curriculum.

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Hi there, The issue that I see with regard to your daughter is can vs. won't. Is she refusing to comply with getting up and going to school or is she not able to because of her condition? My experience as an in-home counselor is that when children are brought to the court system due to truancy, the burden of the responsibility is on the parent and their ability to get the child to comply. I have seen a judge fine a parent repeatedly, revoke her license, and threaten foster care. I have seen the court do nothing and then see the youth develop a "so what? attitude" with regard to the the legal system. (been there. done that. no prob). My 14 year old son has a similar problem and we are at 14 tardies this year. He is having problems due to medication combined with normal adolescent development that affects the circadian cycle of sleep for males causing him to stay up late and sleep late. He doesn't like being late so we keep trying to get it right. Sometimes we do. Good luck.

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Personally,when my twelve year old cant get a move on in the morning its because I dont get her up on time. I dont expect her to wake up,actually get out of her bed and move her little butt without me breathing down her throat. I have adult ADHD ,I was diagnosed when i was five years old and in a very real way it makes it easy for me to understand and help her on her way to adulthood.Make them shower at night,lay their clothing out and if needed, set their cereal bowl and spoon on the counter so they can serve themselves while you finish getting yourself ready. I dont leave her bedroom until she sets her feet on the floor and walks away from her bed,ten min later I go back and make her get back out of bed again!! This is the way mornings will always be for her, just accept it and form an exact routine and keep it the same, this is only going to get harder the older they get!! Just dont get grumpy , they cant help it!!

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I feel your pain on the 'not getting ready in the morning'...If I don't give myself enough time, it's tougher to keep on top of getting my 9-1/2 year old son out the door on time. He drags his feet but if I start earlier and just keep checking to make sure he's moving, it's not so bad. But it is hard to keep myself from getting grumpy. I do have a BIG problem with my son not getting his classwork done on time. The teacher gives him multiple chances to finish it - including tests! - but that is not fair to everyone else. We did adjust his Concerta meds to 36mg to account for a growth spurt, but the past few weeks he's had trouble once again with the assignments. I would love some suggestions on how to handle this, other than increasing meds(the next mg is 54mg??). He also tends to want to fly thru homework, so I have to sit down with him and check it, without him feeling like 'I'm stupid so you have to check my work'.

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I understand EXACTLY what you are talking about. I have have 4 children, 3 with ADHD! The oldest, 18 is a my daily reminder that everything does get better. She is now very self sufficient, on the Dean's List in college and managing her meds beautifully. Knowing this helps us make it through the hard days with the two younger ones. My son 9, and daughter 7, that both have ADHD make many mornings quite a struggle. Of course like most parents of ADHD kids, we wait until the very last minute to medicate so that the meds won't wear off before the end of the school day, but that puts the full brunt of their difficulties on us in the moring when possibly we are least able to handle it well. Here are some of the strategies that we apply. First, we do as much as we can the night before. We pack backpacks, and get coats and shoes ready by the door. We lay out the clothes upstairs and we make lunches and put them in the refrigerator. My husband and I trade off mornings hoping that we won't burn-out as quickly if we only have to do the moring routine every other day (that also gives us both an opportunity to get into work early a couple of days a week - good for keeping the job happy!) Then in the morning my husband and I get up at 5:00. The first hour is us. We get our showers and get completely ready for work. Then (whose ever turn it is wakes the three younger children up at 6:00.) We tend to do breakfast first and then move on to dressing, teeth and hair next but... for a while the 9 year old was just too hard to handle ( he would get lost five times between the kitchen and bathroom. Just getting dressed was taking 30-40 minutes as he kept getting off task, so we started getting him up 15 minutes before his sisters. This gave us the ability to focus on helping just him. Then once dressed we would get his sisters up and start breakfast. This helped tremendously. ) We do try to get the kids to make strides towards independance for the morning routine, but laugh because in many ways the youngest who is only five (and does not have ADHD) does better than both the 7 and 9 yr old siblings. But to assist with making the morning routine easier, better more "enjoyable" we are constantly looking for ways to motivate the kids into doing things copperatively via sticker charts, incentives that they have to earn with good behavior or time tests to see who can get done the quickest. Even with all this we still have mornings like you described and it does leave you feeling like a total failure as a parent. Thank God children are so forgiving! Take heart and know you are not alone!

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My son is 10 years old and has ADHD, seizure disorder and LD. I was under a lot of stress trying to manage his basic care and I was very stressed (I am also a type A personality). I was easily upset and would get angry with him (and others). I noticed that my husband was not easily upset. So I asked him why he wasn't easily bothered. The answer changed how I manage everything in my life. My husband says that he does think about the days to come and doesn't review the past. He only lives in the present day. So I tried this new "coping skill". When I noticed I am getting stressed I look at what I am thinking about (it is usually the past and my worries for the future). I then try to set only small goals (get through the next five minutes or the next half hour). It has worked well for me and my stress is much reduced...even though my son's care is the same. Just a hint that worked for me!

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My daughter was diagnoses a little over 3 years ago - in the 7th grade. Very typical except that both my husband and I are in the mental health field and we should have seen it (of course I should have seen my ADD too, but that didn't happen until we recognized hers). Now we're three years out from college, and I am cooked. Everything we try works for a while, then slacks off. She seems to manage something on her own, then something else slips. This quarter her grades were excellent (she's extremely bright - but getting the work home and back requires a miracle), but now she's not getting up on time. A few times I took her, then we started making her wait until one of us was leaving the housing...thinking that the natural consequencess will change her behavior. We might actually get that undercontrol, but then we'll back on to something else - cheeking her meds, grades dropping, etc. I can't imagine how she is going to manage in college. Early on, before we knew the diagnosis, we went through the punishment stuff which didn't work, natural consequences don't seem to bother her for long, I am completely unnerved by the whole thing. A week doesn't go by when there isn't some problem ( although they could be much much worse), but the cloud is always looming. This morning, I need to get to work, but after the drama this morning, I feel like I need a nap, or a cocoon. Woudl love to know how yothers are coping with the ups and downs. And for the mother with the 18 year old in college, how on earth did you get her ready?

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