Went to court today, was happy that my ex didn't show up so that made things easier. My lawyer wasn't with me this time because now I have been appointed a new lawyer who is a female, so hopefully this time this lawyer will represent be better compared to the first one. DSS of course had another report that they had written up stating all kinds of horrible lies about Jeremy (which all the information they state was all old & still incorrect info on him ) how ever they also stated a bunch of false & untrue statements about me. Statements such as I haven't complied with completing the assessments, another statement saying that William doesn't wish to see me right now, along with another statement saying that Jeremy & I have both been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder - Now there is one thing I do know Jeremy has kinda sort of been diagnosed with bipolar but how ever, he has not had a Mental health Dr out right tell him for 100% that he is biploar - now we do know that he is ADHD and OCD for sure we know this. Now me on the other hand I know for sure that I am not Bipolar, I do know that I am ADD & that doesn't bother me but this whole statement that I am Bipolar is a crock of crap. All I know is that I'm getting close to loosing my cool, DSS has done nothing but jerk me around since this whole damn mess started, I don't know where my son is, I do not know who he is with right now, I don't know anything about this person who is taking care of him. I'm tried of it, I can't take this any more DSS as well as William's counselor is doing nothing but pumping a bunch untrue crap about me into his brain , DSS is pushing for adoption. I am at my ends wit with these people, Now I'm going to have to go through another court trial & have my lawyer argue that how can DSS state that I didn't comply with their request , when I wasn't given an opportunity to do the assessments - my lawyer is going to have to argue that DSS has done nothing but jerk me around , that my son's head is being filled with lies , my lawyer is going to have arguee that I don't even know where my child is at and who he is with right now . Truth of the matter is William needs to placed with some one who won't pump his brain with untrue facts about me , some one who can explain to him that I was very young when I got pregnant & didn't realize that being a parent was a big responsibility . William needs some one who can explain to him that only reason why I gave him to Leslie was because I was in a bad spot in my life and that at the time it was best decision for the situation , how ever things ended up back firing & now I am doing my best to get my crap together , thats why I am wanting to do the assesments , so that away we can build a relationship . Fact is it doesn't matter if I am in the picture or if I am not in the picture , no 7 1/2 yr old child needs to be told that their mother never loved them, never wanted them . I know if DSS puts William up for adoption and he's adopted by the time he's 18 , he not want anything to do with me , all because of all the lies that was pumped into his head by DSS along with whom ever adopts him . All I know is that i am tired of all of this mess , I can't take much more of it , all of my emotional cirucuts are on over load , my focus is so off it's not even funny , the other day I couldn't even keep focused on the list I had for family Dollar , I was all over the store jumping from one item to another , when about 80 % of the time I can go into a store follow a list , get what I need and I'm done . I'm impatient as all get out, incredibly irritible & bitchy - the other day I told Jeremy that he better find some where else to put his OCD , because at this time it's just too much for me to handle , its messing with my ADD , throwing me off balance incredibly bad & that right now I need him to be patient with me , realize that it's not about his angxiety right now , that what I am carrying on my plate is ten times stressful .

Quote