ADD never ends. I myself have been diagnosed for about five years now and I still work every day just to keep in mind the little things. I'm also the parent of an 11 year old son who's non-verbal autistic. As for what you said about teaching your son to be responsible and successful, I can relate. It's close to home for me in trying to teach my son as I try to keep an eye out for my own shortcomings. My son cannot seem to get out of his own way, he's his own worst enemy. I know his issue is different from your son's, but they're not completely dissimilar, either from the perspective of a parent or from the struggle the boys both face daily. Some of the things my son learns completely fade away, even with repetition of a proper behavior. Sometimes a tic or behavior will suddenly reappear after three years. Time seems to have slowed down in trying to relate to him because the benchmarks are few and far between.

As for me, I too try and educate myself, about ADHD and about myself. I think for your child, it really could help to journalize his behaviors and experiences so he can have an accelerated way to learn about himself. It took me into early adulthood at the age of 32 to understand what was going on (no intervention) and I had to write about things I'd done and relationships I'd had and the way I interacted with people from the perspective of having a lack of attention and understanding and seeing how it altered my life experiences. I've failed to do things that were necessary or beneficial to me 'over and over and over' again, too and have always wanted to have another 'me' there so one of us could keep reminding the other of what to do. It is important that you realize he's a kid and with you there, he's lucky that you already acknowledge what's going on with him and are ready to keep him in line by being a reminder him of what's best for him. I think when he's ready to be responsible for someone else's life is when you can begin to hold him completely responsible for his own success or failure. It's a constant struggle and if you're patient with him he'll benefit from all of your hard work and example in the long run when he finds it important to do it on his own.

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I have to agree with JumpyDad -- the ADD is always there. And the trouble you describe in sticking to a morning routine, to a homework routine and to life's tasks without constant reminders -- well, that is ADD in a nutshell. Comparing your ADD son to his non-ADD siblings is easy to do, but it's really not fair. The fact is that he's not choosing to be independent or not; to follow directions or not. If it were a choice, wouldn't he certainly save himself the anguish and lost privileges that go along with misbehavior? The behavior you describe is a symptom of ADD - the outward signs of a cognitive disorder that he doesn't have any control over.

I know how frustrating and exhausting it can be to constantly remind, remind, remind. And, yes, your son does need to learn to be responsible for himself. But it won't happen on the same timeline as his siblings. Here is a good article I would recommend: Teens with ADHD: Transitioning to Adulthood

Best of luck!

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It takes longer for us than for those "normal" people, but once the routine sets in, it becomes 2d nature, instinctual. Kids are additionally slowed down by the very fact that everything is new & little things get in the way. Setting things up the night before as much as possible helps to speed up the problem. As a 62 year old ADHD adult, I decide what I'm going to wear the night before. No decisions in the morning (if at all possible)!!!!! Also, expect more problems around days that are different, i.e., special things happening at school, after school, holidays, etc. Posting the routine in writing on the wall in bedroom, bathroom, etc., is also helpful. Putting what U want in black & white & periodically drawing his or her attention to it, reviewing it at times, keeping the emotional level down, at least on your part, all of these things help. Don't give up; We are worth it!!!!

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I have two children with ADHD and one was ALWAYS disorganized! There are several things that do help. The going to bed dressed idea is a helpful one and having everything set the night before. My kids went to parochial school and the school uniform was invaluable for preventing dressing issues in the AM. One thing that helps is to wake the child 1/2 hour before he/she has to get up, give the medication and let them go back to sleep for 1/2 hour. When you wake them again they are ready to go as the medicine is on board. For after school you can always give a small dose of a shorter acting stimulant medication to get them thru the homework time. Alternatively there are some 24 hour acting meds that are very helpful , one being Strattera. It stays in the system for 24 hours and really helps with going to sleep, getting up, and decreasing the meltdown when the other meds wear off. Many people feel bad about medicating their children more but I always think the meds help and the whole family interaction goes sooooo much better. It's much better for the children to be able to feel in control and a normal member of the family as opposed to the one who's always "the problem". Plus don't you want a better relationship with your child? You don't say if his brother is fraternal twin. If he is and doesn't have ADHD it's not fair to compare them. The other twin can't even fathom why his brother has the problems he does if he doesn't share the ADHD diagnosis. You can't expect them to be alike! Even my two kids aren't alike and they both have ADHD. One of my two is MUCH more organized that the other and I think some of it's simply personality. I hope this helps you out a little. By the way my kids are older teens so I've pretty much tried it all by now!

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My son is 12 and the mornings were the worst part our day. Getting ready for school was like pulling teeth. He cant even tie his shoes before the medication kicks in. I now wake up early to give him his meds and he goes back to sleep for about 30 mins. When he wakes up he is capable of taking dirctions. Sometimes even doing two things in a row. :) Just a thought for your mornings. Havent figured out anything for homework yet. Being the mother of a kid with ADHD is a FULL TIME JOB, EEEEKS!

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