Hello WithoutaNet:

Thank you so much for your post and for sharing your story - I know many other parents on the ADDitude forums have felt the same sorrow of their child's struggle with ADHD. You are not alone.

Social-skills challenges are common in kids with ADHD. Many don't pick up on common social cues or act immature for their age, which opens them up to teasing. ADDitude has a ton of great articles about helping ADHD kids make friends. I would specifically recommend...

Help Socially Immature Kids Make Friends and Succeed at School

Help ADHD Children Make Friends

A few suggestions: try some role-playing to help your son practice interactions with his classmates or set up playdates with children younger than your son to build up his confidence.

Good luck and keep the faith!

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Hi,

I believe that I can speak for many of the folks who frequent this site when I say, "we feel your pain"; that of both you, and your son. I am a 51 year old male who, at 45, was diagnosed with ADHD. It saved my life, and then changed my life in profound ways.

Looking back to my childhood, although I had a loving family, they had no resources or precedents for understanding ADHD, and the roots of the many issues I encountered in school and at home. Your son is blessed…he has you. The simple fact you have gotten your son diagnosed and prescribed medication is testament to your commitment to his well-being. Because your son continues to struggle, the fact that you are reaching out to the ADHD community, looking for information, suggestions, and encouragement, is a testament to your love; the most powerful anecdote for alleviating the manifestations of ADHD most likely to negatively affect his future.

There is no, single or simple solution for helping your son understand why he feels so alienated, anymore than there is for the kid who has too much acne, is overweight, is too short (as I also was), or not ethnically consistent enough to fit in; often distraught because of how they are poorly treated, or ignored. My son has ADHD, and faced similar issues.

I listened painfully as he’d tell me how he “has no friends” (and the teachers are “mean” and “don’t understand.”) The best that I could do as a parent was to remind him, every chance I could, of how special he is, and by explaining to him my definition of a “friend”; “A friend is like a snowflake…each one is different, and when they land on other snowflakes, neither one melts, changes, or forces the other snowflakes to change. Together, they are beautiful. And even though sometimes snowflake’s are stepped on, or thrown aside, the melted snowflakes evaporate into water, rise into the sky, and once again float back down as snowflakes.” Then my son would say “dad, what are you talking about…I’m not a snowflake?” Then I'd laugh and say...OK, how about this…”always be the best “you” that you can be, never change who you are to please others, and friends will always find friends…just be open to who that might turn out to be. Set an example for others to follow. Show them how you won’t judge others, and how you are accepting of those less fortunate.” At the very least, it got my son to focus on someone other than himself. It encouraged him to realize that we all carry burdens in life, and that ADHD is just one of them. Your son will be just fine, as my son turned out to be, but rarely is the path an easy one to navigate.

Please tell your son, for me, that you both have a special, and very crucial assignment. Those of us with ADHD need to band together and help the world understand what living with ADHD is like; help bring awareness to others as to what ADHD is, and what ADHD is not; use your son’s challenge as an opportunity for learning together, more about ADHD and it’s impact on your lives; and in the process, you are helping us all. Welcome to our world…we’re glad to have you.

All the best,

Zen

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Hi, Myself Snoreta from India! I am new here in this forum. I just want to say hello to all. I am glad to be a member here.

Snoreta

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It not always easy to make friends even when we are not ADD/ADHD; and it is even harder for those of us who are ADD because at times we feel we are looking in ; and don't have any idea how to begin . I was lucky, I was very sociable because I was very athletic and I had a knack of talking to anyone without really caring about what they thought about me. If they didn't talk to me , I just moved on. It a difficult time for your son because he is at age where it matter to him how other people perceive him ; and if he was too difficult, unsure of himself when he was undiagnosed the other kids may have advoided him. If you can let him play sports if he likes them. or something after school for a hour a day this is a place where he can be with kids is own age and have similiar things in common. with them. It not easy being a tween or teen ; and if shy it will take some doing if he feels anxiety in approaching other children. My daughter had been home schooled and prior to going to highschool had been anxious about going. Many of the teens she met started to say hello; and she said Hi back..It was not easy for her; but now she looks forward to school and has a couple of friends even some who will plan next years classes so they can be in the same class. It is up to you to listen ; and when you are evidently not upset talk about how to make friends; and like I said try to get him in something where he can relate to others. Don't be too upset or even anxious to talk to him because he will sense it. He is lucky he has you that understands ADD/ADHD; if things go welll and he makes a friend or two meet their parents and have a night over.where boys can be boys. Let them , play (not to roughty) with the games on the whatever, eat fun foods; make forts etc. when he feels comfortable.

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