I don't understand what is really going on ; and since you don't have the finances to pay for a proivate lawyer you proably never will find out. I heard that the South Carolina government is a major problem if you aren't connected some how. Just remember you have had contact with William and he knows that this wasn't your choice. When he an adult that is when you will be able to contact him. If he is in the system just see if you can send him cards and things so he knows that you miss him. If you aren't allowed to you may be able to write to the newspaper and connnect through the paper where your letter can be placed. Remember you can not be too emotional in your writings because they will be banned. I not sure why you gave him up in the first place; but I do suspect this is the route of the problem for you. Sometimes our past does catch up with us; and one descision changes everything for us.

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I was reading some of your other posting; and I realized you are on disability. For some reason I think is the reason you cannnt get William back. The reason I say this is because technically you aren't really taking care of yourself. Also if they know you are in a relationship they will perceive this as a lie; and it will be marked against you. I am not sure but I don't think you could have your son, and be on disability because then they will have to pay for him too. With adoption the family who gets pick all that up; and the state would not have any financial responsibility. Have you ever thought of this???? If you haven't maybe you should have it isn't always what we want but it is the way it workks It is all in your records when you went to disability what your disability is this is the answer to why you haven't won your case.

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The fact that I'm on disability is not a factor in my case, my disability was addressed at the begining of all off this mess & the judge says that it's not an issue , Now Jeremy is a main factor but the only reason why he is factor is because of his long lengthy criminal record , how even tho i am sill in a relationship with Jeremy nothing else has been said concerning our relationship , since Jeremy has taken himself out of the case to begin with . Jeremy agrees with me in fact that I've never had a criminal record , never had any history with DSS . Now DSS did state to me at the begining of this whole mess that the state would be paying for the Pys Eval , now as for the parenting classes I believe those are free as well as the domestic violence classes but I have yet to get the Referal for the Pys Eval & I have yet to get any info on where to go sign up for the parenting classes & the domstic violence classes . I'm still not going to give up , all that I care about is that William gets placed with a good christian family & still allow me to be a part of his life , watch him grow, watch him mature , because he's so intelligent, such a good kid , an old soul & I know if he doesn't get placed with right people who will nuture all the gifts that god has bless him with , then I'm afraid he'll follow the same road as his biological father chose . I just don't feel it's right for me to just roll over with adoption & never see him again . I know if our relationship all together gets completely cut off , that William will resent me for ever . I'm going to do everything I can to see if I can do adoption but have a contract drawn up between me & the adoptive parents to see if I can have up dates on William, get pictres , & if I can get my info to take my assesments, I'll take cae of the assesments , there for after that possibly if William's therphiest ok's , Willilam & I can have some sort of contact & possibly a relationship . William 's biological father screwed up already by not being a part of his life since the day one , I can't do that to him . I want to be able to see my son graduate high school, graduate collage & can't give up on that . I'll press & press & press until the good lord tells me I have done my job .

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Okay I am glad to hear disability has no part on this. Every time I read this my heart does go out to you. What happen to the women you had raising William, why did she give him up. I really wonder allot about the history between you and Jeremey what is so bad in his history ; and why do they think he hasn't changed. Seriously what if you decided to have a child with him ; something I don't recommend unless you two are financially stable ; and he realize and you do too. This changes everything in your life. I met a child few weeks ago who missed part of his brain, blind at the age of 18 months could not sit up , and more than anything he could not regulate his own temeperature so where every they went they had to take him to the hospital if he even began a slight rise in temperature because he would then get a raging fever could kill him. What was amazing about the adoptive parents (foster) they were phenomental with him. They however were very tired looking and had to take shifts in order to have someone watching 24 hours day/7days. I tell you this so you can realize how easy it is to get pregnanat even these easy kids take our day and nights to new heights. and for the first 5 years no real sleep, then 5-12 scho0ol age the fall pain , forget highscholol the first love crush andfd huts etc,Kids are healthy or sickly are major work that changes every aspect of your life. They are work and frankly they don;t show you love until they are few months to 1st year. Autism is is on a rise so just reemeber if you decide to marry and have a child you two must be ready for the days when they need comfort, sick, or a shoulder to cry on ; and of course no violence,,,,,

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I just want you to know that appreciate all of your advice & I take this all to heart and into serious consideration . Jeremy & I have had the whole conversation as far us having a child of our own & we have decided to put into gods hands , if god deems for us to have a child of our own , then so be it and if he doesn't then so be it . We trust that when god feels that we are ready he'll let us know . Now as far as Jeremy is concerned & him being ready for father hood , well I trust that the good lord will bring out Jeremy parental side & there I have no doubt in my heart & soul that Jeremy will be a good daddy . Now on the subject of Jeremy's past & why DSS won't allow me to have custdy back of William , well it is the fact that Jeremy does have a long lengthy criminal history , past drug history , ( which as of today its been 7 yrs since he has used any kind of drugs ) but the fact that Jeremy does have a long lengthy criminal past DSS feels that Jeremy is unfit to be arround William ( which is not true) Jeremy was nothing but a gentle lamb when ever we were together the first 3 yrs , from the time William was 4 months old all the up until he was 3 , Jeremy never act inappropriate , never abused him , never did anything inappropriate in front of him , he was never violent , Jeremy was a big kid arround William , they got along great and William saw Jeremy as Daddy & Jeremy took to that fatherly role automatically with out any problems . I'll be honest with you , all of this breaks Jeremy's heart because he truly loved William like he was his own son , it's hurts Jeremy that DSS looks the report with all these allagations against him , stating that Jeremy messed with William anus along with all these other dicusting accusations . How ever Jeremy knows that no matter how many assesments he takes, it's not going to change DSS frame of mind & it's not going to chance the courts frame of mind, they already have him branded as Guilty based on his past criminal history , even tho Jeremy hasn't been in any legal trouble in 6 yrs , they still see him as that same person ( which is really sad ) how ever Jeremy loves William enough to just take himself out of the whole thing . Jeremy wants nothing more than for something to be worked out to where William is adopted but that I am able to recieve up dates on him, recieve pictures, possibly work out something to where I can have supervised visiation with William once a month & from there gradually move up once a week , possibly talking on the phone to William . Jeremy thinks it's incredibly messed up that DSS is putting my back against the wall telling that I just need to give up, sign over my parental rights and let William be adopted , never to see him again , there for when William is Jeremy's age he'll resent me & not want to have anything to do with me . The fact that now my ex ( William's biological father has decided all of a sudden that he wants play daddy now & he wants to be involved) which all of this has completely caught me off guard , because the for last 7 1/2 yrs William's dad has not shown any interest in him , why all of sudden has his dad decided that he wants to be involved and be a daddy , just makes this whole case all that more complicated .

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